A comedian whose dark and twisted Christmas cards have turned him into an online star has revealed his latest holiday creation — and it does not disappoint.
For his 2017 Christmas card, John Cessna, 32, from Ann Arbor, Michigan, created a terrifying hostage scene in which he and his wife are tied up and surrounded by explosives after being kidnapped by ‘ICE-ISS’ — the International Christmas Elves Independent Sovereign State.
While they are stuck on the ground, an angry elf is showing them his list of demands asking for ‘full pardons for all members of the naughty list’ and ‘immediate removal of the Claus dictators.’
‘Tis the season? For his 2017 Christmas card, John Cessna, from Ann Arbor, Michigan, created a terrifying hostage scene in which he and his wife are tied up and surrounded by explosives after being kidnapped by ‘ICE-ISS’ elves
Election woes: Last year’s holiday card shows the 32-year-old slumped over a table with ‘F**k 2016’ spelled out in white powder that is meant to look like drugs
Not so Holy Night: A snowman’s carrot makes an appearance in a hole in a wall of a dank bathroom in 2015’s very depressing holiday card
Sadistic Santa: 2014’s offering shows several figures in red cloaks preparing to sacrifice Cessna in the name of Santa
Dark: In 2013, Cessna’s card sees him lying on the floor of a warehouse while several angry men, including one in a Santa costume, surround him
Keeping with the holiday theme, he and his wife are pictured wearing ugly Christmas sweaters that say ‘Hubby’ and ‘Wifey.’
Behind them is a large white sight that reads: ‘ICE-ISS International Christmas Elves Independent Sovereign State.’
Cessna’s outrageous holiday pictures started as a joke, but his depraved take on the traditional Christmas card has become a time-honored tradition for his family.
He staged his first hilarious holiday-themed picture nine years ago when his mother joked that he should send out his own Christmas card while he was away at school.
‘In 2008, my mother called and told me since I was away at school, I wouldn’t be in the Christmas photo that year,’ he explains on his website. ‘She jokingly suggested I “sober up” and send out my own Christmas cards.’
Cessna obliged by putting a hilarious spin of a classic card and sharing a picture that showed him drunk and slumped in the shower surrounded by bottles of spirits.
Christmas murder: In 2012, Cessna is pictured burying a dead body in the snow with the caption, ‘Some gifts… stay wrapped & hidden’
Kentucky Fried Christmas: In 2011, Cessna struck a pose while enjoying fried chicken and Eggnog on a doorstep in a festive tie
All tied up: For 2010’s offering, Cessna is tied to a tree with tinsel, with a caption asking, ‘Can I be your Christmas miracle? Love, JC’
Passed out: The drinking theme was still going in 2009’s card, in which Cessna is seen passed out at a bar
Original: After Cessna’s mother joked for him to ‘sober up’ and send out a his own Christmas card, he created one that showed him slumped in the shower and surrounded by bottles of alcohol
Every year since then, he’s staged a holiday photograph.
The drinking theme continued for a few years, but he went on to stage even darker scenes, including everything from a snowman poking his carrot through a hole in a bathroom wall to a gruesome ritual sacrifice.
‘Originally inspired by my mother’s joke, the subject matter has since matured with me,’ he notes. ‘In recent years, I have steered their content away from the bottle and have focused on absurdity and insidiousness.’
Last year’s offering references the despair 2016 had brought around the world, and sees Cessna pictured slumped over a table, with the words ‘F**k 2016’ spelled out in a white powder to make it look as though he was doing lines of cocaine.
A reference is made to Donald Trump’s election victory with a story on the cover of the ‘North Pole Times’ declaring the then president-elect had appointed Santa to Attorney General.
Cessna’s card from 2014 depicts a brutal sacrifice made by figures in red cloaks, apparently working for Father Christmas with the caption: ‘He sees you when you’re sleeping.’
And the year before that, he was seen lying on a open cardboard box on the floor of a warehouse — covered in blooded and surrounded by several angry men, including one in a Santa costume.