Diamonds are a car’s best friend

DS 7 Crossback Ultra Prestige

Rating:

We are none of us getting any younger, though age is much more usefully quantified as a matter of feeling rather than a number of years. It’s more about the happiness time brings than becoming obsessed with how long we may have left.

You want to know any more about time and us? Watch Michael Caine’s new biopic of a decade, My Generation, all about the 1960s – how they came about, where they went, who survived and who disappeared with them. It’s completely fabulous. ‘Age isn’t a time of life, it’s a state of mind,’ says Caine. He was 85 this week and made the film to celebrate his birthday. He should do more.

Here we have a fun, comfortable and different alternative to the current crop of endless SUVs

Here we have a fun, comfortable and different alternative to the current crop of endless SUVs

‘Daddy, why do older people drive more slowly when they have less time left to get anywhere?’ asked number one son on the way home from Nana’s. I placated his curiosity by explaining that older people are wiser and have come to realise that life is more about the journey than the destination.

‘I think they should be allowed to drive faster than anyone else, just in case they want to get to wherever they’re going more quickly. They deserve it.’

He then extended his speed-relative-to-age theory rather brilliantly. ‘How about you can only drive as fast as your age? So younger drivers would crash less, and if they did, it would be at slower speeds.’

Yes, Noah. The kid’s a genius. It’s already been proved that for every mile an hour below 30mph a collision takes place, the resulting injuries (and deaths) are exponentially reduced.

When it comes to happy families, the DS 7 scores big. It’s not often the rear seating environment gives the front section a run for its money, but it does here

When it comes to happy families, the DS 7 scores big. It’s not often the rear seating environment gives the front section a run for its money, but it does here

If Noah also has a speed-conscious car in mind to marry to this new philosophy, he could do a lot worse than new DS 7 Crossback. Because it doesn’t half love to beep and bing-bong its way through the day, as it embarks on another session of speed-camera spotting – it was every ten seconds on one section of the M25.

The DS brand does for style and design on behalf of Citroën and Peugeot what AMG does when it comes to grunt and performance for Mercedes. And this time they’ve gone diamond crazy. There are diamond shapes all over the shop: in the door panels, the metal cockpit finishes, the scrolling switchgear, the graphics, the light clusters, the AC vents. Diamonds are forever, everywhere. Even the ambient night lighting is an illuminated web of diamonds pulsating in the dark.

And as for those rear exterior clusters, until now, the Mercedes CLA set the standard for innovative design, but the DS 7 may well have stolen its thunder. Think Spider-Man on a night out. As for the headlights, how about three pods that rotate 180 degrees in sequence when first activated, before revolving back again to where they started? A trio of glitter balls to go. Strictly Come Driving!

Away from the daring and unique design, practicality includes a fully automated tailgate and a reasonably deep luggage compartment. Albeit one that’s at a slightly awkward height when it comes to retrieving cargo from the furthest recesses.

Diamonds are forever, everywhere. Even the ambient night lighting is an illuminated web of diamonds pulsating in the dark

Diamonds are forever, everywhere. Even the ambient night lighting is an illuminated web of diamonds pulsating in the dark

When it comes to happy families, the DS 7 scores big again. It’s not often the rear seating environment gives the front section a run for its money, but it does here.

‘Dad, it’s like a spaceship back here,’ said Noah, who’s nine.

‘No, Noah, it’s like being in a giant beehive,’ cried Eli, who’s five.

What’s not to like about either of those interpretations?

Did I mention the diamond theme extends to the leather seat trim? And the headrests? And the dashboard graphics? Like a long director’s cut of the video for Bohemian Rhapsody. Is this now verging on diamond overkill? Or should we be applauding DS for going the whole diamond hog?

Back to First World motoring demands, and I am happy to report a full complement of 21st Century must-haves on my top-of-the-range Ultra Prestige model, which included such treats as massaging and climate-controlled front seats and SAS-style night-vision, to assist those of us with more maturing eyesight to avoid running over living things once the sun has gone down. To acquiesce to such technology or not, though, that is the question. Such revolution takes a considerable leap of faith for some of us.

The touch-operative 12in function screen is sadly not among the most receptive and organised we’ve ever seen. There is, however, a magnificent DS revolving analogue clock in the centre of the dash to divert one’s attention from any shortcomings. Ridiculously over-the-top but brilliant in its audaciousness. As are the half-dozen diamond knurled metal window controls flanking the central console and gearstick. Poirot would have been proud. (Yes! I know he was Belgian but he loved Art Deco.)

TECH SPEC

Price £45,535

Engine 2.0-litre turbo diesel

Gearbox Eight-speed auto

Power 180hp

0-60mph 9.9 seconds

Fuel economy 57.6

First year road tax £160

To drive, it’s immediately obvious there’s a potentially evil diesel lump lurking beneath this French fancy, but once warmed up all 2.0 litres of it chucks out a respectable 180hp and 400Nm of torque, which makes it feel very punchy indeed – for a mid-sized family SUV.

With driver modes aplenty to choose from, finding a bespoke setting is relatively easy. The eight-speed auto gearbox is seamless in full auto and more than adequate in manual paddle-shift mode. Start/stop in Eco mode is the car’s biggest glitch, as it seemed to cut out if I was merely contemplating coming to a halt. Or have I missed something and this is ‘the new way’?

Handling and braking is all good, steering especially so: direct and nicely weighted. Although things can become a wee bit sickly should the driver become too enthusiastic around the bends. I always find a healthy dose of passenger revolt puts paid to such selfish antics.

The ultimate take home for me was what a pleasure this car is to be in – the cabin is extremely light, bright and nice and high. And I loved the way the front seats cocoon the driver and passenger like first-class pods on a long-haul airliner.

Here we have a fun, comfortable and different alternative to the current crop of endless SUVs, which lacks a bit of class in the tech stakes, preferring instead to err on the side of daring haute couture.

All très French. N’est-ce pas?

 



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