A former figure skater has revealed how she starved herself to the point of being unable to stand but decided to overcome her eating disorder after being caught purging by her husband.
Special needs teacher, Kayla Goodyear, 27, from Michigan, used to be a figure skater as a child, and – as a result – was healthy and active.
However that began to change when she was just 12, after she came down with a serious stomach bug that caused her to lose five pounds.
Old life: Kayla Goodyear, 27, a former figure skater from Michigan who now works as a special needs teacher, developed her eating disorder when she was just 12 years old
Loss: Kayla developed her eating disorder after people started complimenting how great she looked after she suffered a stomach flu that made her lose five pounds
Numbers game: Kayla, pictured with her husband Chris, would then purge everything she had eaten and in 2012, was caught in the act by Chris just one month after they started dating
After someone told her how ‘great’ she looked following the weight loss, she began starving herself in a bid to become even skinnier, but would binge late at night.
After feeling ashamed of herself, she would purge everything she had eaten, a deadly habit which lead to her reaching her lightest weight of 98lbs and shrinking to a size 00.
In 2012, she was caught in the act of purging by her then boyfriend of a month, Chris, who she is now married to.
And although she admits that she felt extreme shame at being caught by her now-husband, she was able to turn that emotion into motivation that enabled her to beat her inner demons.
Now, Kayla eats six small meals a day, with an occasional treat; alongside her new diet, she is also following a new five-times-a-week workout plan that involves 30-40 minute sessions, and some yoga.
This healthy new regime has helped Kayla to reach a healthier weight of 116lbs, and she is now a size 2.
‘I remember the day like it was yesterday when it all began. I lost at least five pounds and when I was finally well enough to skate again, someone mentioned how great I looked,’ Kayla said.
‘From that day on, I would starve myself until the point I couldn’t stand it anymore and then would binge on everything in sight late at night.
‘This led to my feelings of shame and fear, which led me to purging everything I had just eaten. My ED grew beyond being a way to define how I looked; it became my source of control for the next ten years.
Transformation: At the height of her eating disorder, Kayla weighed 89 pounds and was a size 00 (left) but is now a much healthier 116 pounds and a size 2 (right)
Healthy: Kayla now eats six small meals a day, with an occasional treat and follows a new five-times-a-week workout plan that involves 30-40 minute sessions and some yoga
Shame: Kayla, pictured now in recovery, admits she felt lots of shame about her eating disorder and used to starve herself during the day and binge at night
Control: Her eating disorder felt like a way to control the world around her after she had to give up skating after several knee surgeries
‘I felt awful honestly. I was ashamed and afraid; afraid to gain weight, afraid that someone would find out, afraid what others thought of me, but mostly I was afraid to lose control.
‘In a sick, twisted way, my eating disorder felt like my only way to control the world around me. I ended up losing skating after several knee surgeries and somehow my ED became my source of identity.
‘I was depressed, lost, and flat out miserable. The voice in my head that told me that starving myself or purging up what I had eaten had lied to me.
‘It told me I would feel better, that it would make me better, that it would give me worth, that it would bring me happiness, but the happiness never came. I was alone and broken.
‘My amazing parents had tried to help me before and knew that I was sick, but every time they had tried to help me I just wasn’t ready. In my mind I was fine, I had it under control.
‘Then the man of my dreams walked into my life who would someday become my husband. The day he caught me in the act of purging about a month into our relationship I felt shame like never before.
‘I was at my lowest weight, I was exhausted all the time, I was depressed and I was a mess. After a couple more months of this, I began feeling really sick.
‘Chris and my parents encouraged me to go to the doctors to find out what was wrong. My doctor knew right away what was wrong with me, but finally saying it out loud to someone was the most liberating moment that started my recovery.
Family bond: Kayla’s parents tried to intervene but she says she wasn’t ready to get help, pictured here as a child
Dream man: When Chris walked in on Kayla purging, he encouraged her to go to the doctors to find out what was wrong
Damage: Tests revealed Kayla had a tear in her esophagus from purging, her electrolytes weren’t normal and her teeth had suffered damage
Liberated: Although the negative voice in her head was hard to silence, Kayla now realizes how much her eating disorder was hurting herself and those around her
‘My doctor ran a variety of tests and found that I had a tear in my esophagus from purging, my electrolytes weren’t normal, and my teeth had suffered damage from the acid from when I would purge.
‘Hearing this as well, made me decide that enough was enough. I wanted to live, to get married, to work at my dream job.
‘I am undoubtedly happy. I am so proud of my journey and how far I have come over the years. I am not defined by how I look, by my weight, by my anxiety.’
The negative voice in her head proved to be difficult to silence throughout her recovery but Kayla says that her true voice became louder.
‘The most difficult part was letting go of that voice in my head that shamed me into thinking I needed my eating disorder to be successful,’ she added.
‘As I stopped restricting myself and stopped purging, that voice would yell at me that I was pathetic and that I wouldn’t survive without ED.
‘My own voice eventually became louder than my ED’s and that voice eventually just got so quiet and I no longer paid attention to it.
‘My parents, my husband, my friends have all seen a huge change in me as a person. I have become happier, more social, more engaging than ever before.
‘An eating disorder is an addiction. It’s like being an alcoholic or a drug addict. My mental shift to see how dangerous an eating disorder really is, came when I realised how much I was hurting not only myself, but my loved ones.
‘You can beat this, you have more strength in you then you realise. More importantly, you are not alone.’