The mother of Lee Rigby has revealed how there have been dark times where she was been so depressed about his killing that she considered taking her own life.
Lyn Rigby admitted she fell into a ‘deep, dark hole, and unable to climb out’ as she struggled to come to terms with his murder by Islamic fanatics five years ago tomorrow.
Speaking to MailOnline on the eve of the anniversary, Lyn said: ‘At times I’ve fallen into a deep, dark hole and been unable to climb out.
‘I’ve even thought of taking my own life. But when the chance was offered of running this home as a legacy to Lee it changed my life, and my family’s. I’m in a much better place now, it’s a big step forward.’
Lyn Rigby, the mother of murdered Fuslier Lee Rigby has revealed how there have been dark times where she was been so depressed about it that she considered taking her own life
Fusilier Lee, 25, a father-of-one, was murdered was attacked and killed by Islamic extremists near the Royal Artillery Barracks in Woolwich, south east London, five years ago tomorrow
His killers Michael Adebolajo (left) and Michael Adebowale (right) who were convicted of his murder and given a whole life jail term and a minimum of 45 years, have never shown remorse
It has been a difficult journey for Lyn, but thankfully she is happier now and has found a new purpose in life and one which has saved her from the brink of suicide.
She runs a retreat for bereaved families of British servicemen and women which offers them some ‘comfort, tranquility and togetherness’ while is also helping heal her broken heart.
Proudly showing MailOnline around The Lee Rigby House, a sanctuary nestled away in the stunning Staffordshire countryside passionately created by Lyn, she she admits her son would be ‘so proud of me.’
Fusilier Lee, 25, was butchered with a meat cleaver in broad daylight by ISIS henchmen Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale as he walked to the Royal Artillery Barracks in Woolwich, South East London, on May 22, 2013.
Lyn, who has four daughters and will quietly remember her son tomorrow, she said: ‘I feel close to Lee here. Creating this legacy has been my salvation and given me fresh hope and Lee would be so proud of me. And it gives me a reason to get out of bed. Before I felt like dying from grief.’
Adebolajo was filmed at the time of the murder on May 22, 2013, ranting at the camera and clutching knives that he and accomplice Adebowale had used to butcher Fusilier Rigby
The soldier’s slaying just yards from his Royal Artillery Barracks in Woolwich shocked the nation and the spot where he died became a shrine where mourners came to grieve. His widow Rebecca was pictured (above) visiting the site on the first anniversary of his death
Pall bearers carried the coffin of Lee Rigby into Bury Parish Church for an overnight vigil
His mum Lyn, pictured with members of the family outside the Old Bailey after his killers were convicted, said she his murder plunged her to the brink of suicide as she struggled to cope
Lyn recalled how last year’s Manchester bombing, which happened on the same day as her son’s murder, made her spiral into despair again.
She said: ‘It hit me really hard, the slaughter of so many innocent young people, the same age as my two youngest girls and the delay in identifying bodies. The renewed grief nearly tore my family apart.’
During this time she reached out to the mother of a teenage victim of the Manchester Arena attack – Charlotte Campbell, who lost her daughter Olivia, 15.
Lyn said: ‘I met her through a mutual friend and my heart went out to her. For many agonising hours she had no idea whether her daughter who had at the Ariana Grande concert was dead or alive. It brought back those awful feelings for me because I didn’t know for 12 hours that Lee had died. We all knew a soldier had been killed at the scene that day but his name wasn’t confirmed until 2.10am.
Drummer Lee Rigby was the father of a young son and was engaged when he was killed by Islamic extremists on May 22, 2013
‘Me and Charlotte are friends now, we help each other amidst lots of hugs, tears and laughing. She calls me her inspiration.’
Lee remains close to his mum’s heart. She wears a necklace with her son’s face etched into the metal pendant and a charm bracelet. Among the charms are a tiny soldier in tribute to Lee and another with his face – a special gift from ‘Angel of Woolwich’ pub landlady Tina Mimmo, who helped at the scene immediately after police marksmen shot and wounded the two attackers. Lyn said: ‘I’ve become friends with Tina too, I’ve made a lot of friends on this journey.’
Now she has thrown her body, mind and soul into the retreat in Oakamoor which is jointly funded by the Lee Rigby Foundation and legendary 1970s masked wrestler Kendo Nagasaki – Peter Thornley, 77, now a devout Buddhist, who owns the country estate and was moved by Lyn’s plight.
A house built on the private Grade II listed estate, which opened last autumn, offers a peaceful place for military families who have lost a loved ones, as well as veterans experiencing the effects of PTSD.
Lyn, a founder and trustee, said the bolthole is now being extended to families of victims of home terror attacks. She said: ‘There is no cost to stay here, we just ask people to bring their own food, and it gives them comfort, tranquility and togetherness.’
An ambitious £500,000 project to extend the facility, for which Lyn and her team are now seeking donations and undertaking fund raising for is set to open later this year.
Lyn was gifted a four-bed house in the grounds of Moor Court Hall near Stoke-on-Trent overlooking the retreat by ‘my saviour’ Kendo and jumped at the chance of moving 60 miles from her home of 19 years – Lee’s childhood house – in Middleton, Greater Manchester.
She relocated six months ago and has since been joined by husband Ian, 59, a former supermarket worker – Lee’s stepfather – who has a paid job as a ground keeper and their daughters Courtney, 16, and thirteen-year-old Amy.
She said: ‘As well as helping other families it has helped us too, we’ve become closer, we sit down, we open up and we talk whereas we never did before and it’s given us some peace and a positive way forward. I still have my sad days and cry for my son and five years on it is as painful but we’re coping. My eczema has flared up again now because I feel a bit stressed and anxious and my youngest daughter has recently been very emotional, crying at night for her brother. Her school has given her Tuesday off so we can mark the anniversary of Lee’s death quietly together.
‘We haven’t quite decided what to do but we will be visiting his grave at some point. I’ve also got this place to run! We’ve got families booked in this week. We have a volunteer who helps us clean but otherwise I do all the hoovering, making beds, washing, making sure bathrooms and the kitchen are spotless. It keeps me busy. And I no longer feel guilt for being alive when Lee is dead because I have a real purpose. The pain doesn’t disappear, I’ll grieve fro Lee for the rest of my life but I have an opportunity now to help others who have suffered like me.
‘Getting away for just a few days can really help people to regroup and gain strength and support. I know I needed something like this in the early days of grieving for Lee. I do the meeting and greeting, make families a cuppa, then leave them in peace to enjoy their bolt hole for a few days. It’s not about me any more, it’s about the people who need our help.’
Lee Rigby House, which boasts stunning views across the countryside, is elegantly decorated with a large kitchen, dining room, two living rooms, two double bedrooms and two single bedrooms and several bathrooms.
A planning application has been submitted to build a Veteran’s Annexe containing four bedsits and four bedroom, and after that the next phase will be workshops and a hydrotherapy pool, and eventuallyspecially-adapted houses for disabled veterans. Lyn urged: ‘We need your help to raise £500,000 to complete the project – please donate or pledge today. We can’t thank people enough for the support they’ve already given us.’
A welcome book signed by guests who have stayed at the house is full of praise for the retreat in murdered Lee’s name. Murray and Alison Richards who recently stayed for a week with their children, wrote: ‘A fantastic place in a fantastic location. The house is perfect with everything you could possibly need. A much needed relaxing break. A wonderful legacy for Lee.’
It has been a difficult journey for Lyn, who now runs a retreat offering bereaved families of British servicemen and women ‘comfort, tranquility and togetherness’
The retreat – a house built on the private Grade II listed estate, which opened last autumn, offers a peaceful place for military families who have lost a loved ones, as well as veterans experiencing the effects of PTSD
Mike and Glenice Aston penned: ‘Thank you for a wonderful, quiet, peaceful and tranquil time. Soothing balm for the soul. The house, the garden and the whole place is a bubble of peace to escape to in times of need. A lasting legacy to Lee your beautiful son.’
The first person Lyn helped was former soldier Michael Kay, 52, who had become homeless and an alcoholic after losing his roofer job. He said of his stay: ‘I was overwhelmed at the peace of the place, it was very calming and I was grateful for the chance to clear my head.’ Michael, who is due to be moving into a flat in a town soon, added: ‘I feel much stronger and more optimistic about a positive future. I have hopes and dreams again.’
Lyn said: ‘Helping people like Michael whose stories are heartbreaking too makes this all worthwhile. I wanted one good thing to come out of Lee’s awful murder. I think my really dark days are over now when I thought about ending it to be with Lee. I realise it was pretty selfish just to think of yourself because I’ve got daughters who need a mother and who lost a brother.’
Lyn has two older daughters Sara, 29, and Chelsea, 26, who remain living in Greater Manchester and ‘are doing great’, she said, and five grandchildren.
She declines to discuss Lee’s widow Rebecca – they had split up before his death – and their son Jack or her son’s killers. In January it was revealed Islamic extremist Adebolajo, 32, is fighting a £20,000 legal battle against the prison service after his teeth were knocked out during a scuffle with guards at HMP Belmarsh, South East London. Lyn simply commented: ‘He lost a few teeth, he can replace them, my son lost his life. I don’t even want to think about them or give them any time.’
Recalling Lee’s murder she said: ‘I had an inclining it was him, a mother’s intuition. It was the most shocking and appalling crime and looking back I don’t know how I have coped. But there has been a lot of love and support, and now this house which is my focus in life.’
She last saw Lee at home at Easter a few weeks before he was killed and she told him: ‘I love you, take care’ as she hugged him goodbye on his return to the barracks.
Lyn fondly remembers her son growing up as ‘a bit of a daredevil and very mischievous.’ She’ll never forget Lee as a three-year-old old waking her up in the middle of the night saying ‘Look what I’ve done mummy’. She explained: ‘He’s only tipped the whole box of Coco Pops down the stairs. I just had to laugh! He knew how to push the boundaries.’
Lyn says the retreat and foundation she runs has helped her let go of the negative feelings she had and focus on something positive like members of the armed forces who have struggled
Before his murder Lee had lost seven Army friends in action and always offered to support to their grieving families. He had been devastated when Fusilier Simon Valentine, his mentor, was killed in blast in Afghanistan in 2009. His mum Carol has since been ‘a tower of strength’ to Lyn.
Lyn said: ‘When Lee was alive he took bereaved parents to his heart. That’s why I was determined to honour and remember him by doing something to help others. I believe Lee is guiding all this. At least in my heart he is and I feel he is with me every step of the way but there is still a long road ahead.’
Donations welcome here.