Military wives and daughters have bravely spoken out about their mental health battles in a bid to raise awareness of the struggles faced by Armed Forces families.
Their revelations come as new figures published today by the charity Help for Heroes show that one in four partners or family members of British military veterans feel their own mental health has been affected by their loved one’s service. That amounts to the equivalent of almost 200,000 family members across the country.
However, many confess they would never seek professional help – because they believe they ‘need to be the strong one’ in the relationship
Now, British women have opened up about how their husbands’ and fathers’ military service placed a strain on their own mental well-being, leaving them feeling depressed and pushing them to their ‘breaking point’.
Speaking on the launch of the charity’s Hidden Wounds campaign, Help for Heroes’ Karen Mead said: ‘Stigma continues to be a big barrier in coming forward for support for serving personnel and veterans but also their families… We need to reach these families to let them know if they need support, we are here for them.’
Here, five women share their deeply personal stories with FEMAIL…
Kerry’s husband Kenny developed PTSD after he was caught up in two bomb blasts in Afghanistan in 2012
‘I feared for my marriage’
Kerry, 27, struggled to cope when her husband Kenny, 28, developed PTSD after being caught in two bomb blasts in Afghanistan in 2012.
Kerry gave birth to her first son shortly after husband Kenny returned from Afghanistan, where he was caught in two bomb blasts. She struggled to cope as Kenny developed PTSD.
The effect of Kenny’s PTSD and injuries affected the whole family, and Kerry feared their marriage was in danger of coming to an end as a result of the strain.
She approached the Hidden Wounds service for help in dealing with the stress she was under.
As a result of the help she received their marriage is stronger than ever and Kenny, who was medically discharged last year, is now a full-time engineer while Kerry has enrolled at university.
Kenny, pictured in his uniform, suffered hearing loss and back injuries from the blast
Kerry feared for their marriage as Kenny’s injuries and PTSD affected the whole family
‘After my husband was discharged we felt lost in the civilian world’
Fiona Watts, 40, is from Ipswich in Suffolk. Her husband Calum, 44, was discharged from the Army following a career-changing injury.
Fiona Watts, 40, from Ipswich, (pictured with husband Calum) sought help from Help for Heroes after her husband Calum, 44, was discharged from the army following a career-changing injury
One military wife who has sought help from Help for Heroes is Fiona Watts, who has been attending the charity’s recovery centre in Colchester for five years.
Fiona said she felt like she ‘finally counted’ for the first time after receiving support from the charity.
‘There was a time where we both got quite depressed and the recovery centre became a sanctuary for us,’ she explained.
‘When I walked through the doors of the recovery centre for the first time I finally felt like someone was on our side and that people genuinely cared about us.’
Fiona says she felt like she ‘mattered for once’ after going to one of the charity’s recovery centres for the first time
Fiona (pictured), who has enjoyed photography classes and respite weekends through Help for Heroes, says she has made ‘so many friends’
She continued: ‘I also felt like I mattered for once. All the questions had previously been focused on Calum, but now people were interested in how I was feeling.
‘I began to appreciate that looking after myself, through the various events I attended and techniques I learnt at the recovery centre, was acceptable.
‘Help for Heroes knows that to look after our veterans the loved ones must be physically and mentally well too. I felt like I finally counted’.
… to look after our veterans the loved ones must be physically and mentally well too. I felt like I finally counted…
During his time as a Warrants Officer in the Royal Logistics Corps, Calum had toured Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Bosnia, Albania and Kosovo. But his career came to a sudden end while he was injured during a training exercise in 2014.
Fiona says that while her husband has enjoyed activity days and been given career support, she has also been able to attend respite weekends.
‘I’ve made so many friends. Those who are going through a similar journey to you who just understand,’ she said.
‘It’s an accepting and supportive environment; sometimes you don’t even need to say anything for someone to know how you’re feeling. After Calum was discharged we didn’t have that close-knit Army family around us anymore and we felt a little lost in the civilian world.’
‘I was left at breaking point’
Julie’s husband Glyn served in the military for 22 years and served in operational posts in Northern Ireland and Bosnia, at times of great turmoil.
Julie (pictured with husband Glyn and their children) was left at breaking point as her husband Glyn struggled to return to military life
Glyn was forced to leave the military after discovering he needed a quadruple heart bypass back in 2015
In June 2015 Glyn, from Stockbridge in Hampshire, began suffering with chest pains during a paragliding competition.
Nothing could prepared him for the stark diagnosis that followed; he needed a quadruple heart bypass to save his life.
As a result of the operation his health suffered to the extent he could not continue in his military role. He was discharged, and suffered depression as he struggled to return to civilian life.
Julie meanwhile battled to keep her family together and give him the support he needed. Her well-being suffered immensely and her emotional state declined.
She was almost at breaking point when she decided to contact Help For Heroes for support.
Since then she has received treatment from a psychological wellbeing counsellor and has rebuilt her life.
She started a new job this week and faces the future with a fresh and optimistic outlook.
Julie sought help from Help for Heroes as she struggled to keep her family together and give Glyn the help he needed
‘My father tried to take his own life’
Louise’s father Norman struggled with suicidal thoughts after battling with PTSD.
Louise managed to save her veteran father Norman after he tried to take his own life
When her dad Norman developed PTSD, Louise, 38, from Southampton, was at a loss as to how to help him.
She worried for her father but didn’t realise how bad things were until she discovered he had disappeared and attempted to take his own life.
Louise found him just in time, called an ambulance and thankfully he was saved.
She had been concerned about her father as he was struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder
Both Norman (pictured in his uniform) and daughter Louise have received support from Help for Heroes
She sought help from Hidden Wounds to enable her to deal with the anxiety she suffered after the incident, and for support for her father.
Louise calls Norman her hero, but Norman says Louise is the real hero.
Both have come out stronger, and say they have Hidden Wounds to thank for giving them their lives back.
‘After everything we’ve been through, he’s more like my best friend than my dad’
Hollie was just 17 when life changed overnight. She became a carer for her father, who survived a near fatal battle with pneumonia but was left with acute respiratory distress syndrome
Hollie Hardwick, 21, from Plymouth, was diagnosed with depression while acting as a carer for her father, who left the Navy after becoming seriously ill.
Hollie Hardwick, from Plymouth, was 17 when she was told to make her way to Queen Elizabeth Hospital Birmingham to say goodbye to her dad. She had just landed at Heathrow Airport having competed for England at an international sporting event in Norway.
Gary Hardwick, 59, was working with the Royal Fleet Auxiliary, a service he joined after an 18-year career in the Royal Navy, aboard a ship in the Caribbean when he developed pneumonia in 2013. He had been ill for some time but continued his duties as the ship was on operation. Gary became so ill that he was medically evacuated. In the UK he spent seven months in hospital, four of which he was in an induced coma, and was resuscitated three times. Against the odds he pulled through, but has been left with acute respiratory distress syndrome resulting in 50% lung capacity and mobility issues.
Almost overnight, teenager Hollie, had to grow up. She became a carer to her dad, helping him eat and shower while her mum was at work. She managed to complete her A-levels despite the stress of the situation and sleepless nights, but gradually became very down and was eventually diagnosed with depression.
Three years on, Hollie, now 21 and working as a full-time professional carer, is only just gaining her confidence back, with the support of Help for Heroes. She regularly takes part in activities, such as Wheelchair Rugby, offered by the Charity at its Recovery Centre in Plymouth with Gary. Hollie says Gary is now more like her best friend than her dad because of what they have been through together.
For more information on Help for Heroes click here.