Health coach and blogger, Jacintha Akkerman, 36, was embarrassed about the way she looked throughout her high school years.
The Australian mother-of-one said she felt like a ‘heifer’ at the time and while looking back now doesn’t see her younger self as ‘fat’, this wasn’t the case after she had finished school.
Instead, Mrs Akkerman spiralled into an obsessive weight loss regime, became overly cautious around food and shed ‘way too much weight’.
The Melbourne-based mum recently detailed her long battle with her weight on her blog and how boxing and quitting alcohol for good were key to her finally finding balance.
Jacintha Akkerman 36-year-old mother-of-one and an Australian health coach and blogger
She said she felt like a ‘heifer’ throughout school and described herself at the time as someone who ‘didn’t know her place in the world’ or ‘where she belonged’
‘How I felt and what the reality were two very different things,’ Mrs Akkerman said of her high school self.
‘I remember years later a girlfriend put a photo up on Facebook from my supposed “fat” days and immediately I begged her to take it down stating “I have worked my a**e off” to not look like that anymore.
‘What I do see when I look at these pictures now is a girl who was unhappy within herself. I see a girl who didn’t know who she was. I see a lost soul.’
Mrs Akkerman said she was a child who ‘didn’t know her place in the world’ or where she belonged.
‘I remember years later a girlfriend put a photo up on Facebook from my supposed “fat” days and immediately I begged her to take it down stating “I have worked my a**e off” to not look like that anymore,’ she said
‘After high school (pictured) I went the other way and lost too much weight,’ she continued
‘After high school I went the other way and lost too much weight,’ she continued.
‘I thought that if I lost weight I would find happiness – that people would love me.
‘But I became so conscious about what I ate, striving for perfection, that I became too cautious, and lost way too much weight. And did it make me happy? No.’
Mrs Akkerman would then ‘eat her feelings’ when she was unhappy instead of talking to someone and her struggle with weight continued.
‘I suppressed my thoughts because I believed that talking about them would make me weak. It couldn’t have been further from the truth,’ she said.
‘But I became so conscious about what I ate, striving for perfection, that I became too cautious, and lost way too much weight. And did it make me happy? No,’ Mrs Akkerman said
‘For most of my life I have been searching for complete happiness. I have wanted to be perfect. I always thought if I was perfect, I would be happy – but what exactly does “perfect” mean?! What is perfection?
‘It has taken me 36 years to understand self-love.’
Mrs Akkerman said one of the key elements to achieving happiness and a balance both with her mind and body was the decision to quit alcohol for good.
‘I used to have the motto, “I’m here for a good time, not a long time”, and my golly I have had a good time,’ she said previously.
‘It has taken me 36 years to understand self-love,’ she said
‘But did it make me eternally happy? No! And in hindsight, how awful was that motto? I used to drink a lot. I used to party a lot. But I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. To escape life, I drank to build my confidence.
‘For me, alcohol was a release. I didn’t have confidence in my own abilities so I thought I needed a lift to make my personality shine. ‘
The drinking saw Mrs Akkerman experience constant ’emotional rollercoaster rides’ that left her depressed and in a dark place.
‘Every Sunday morning for years and years, I would wake up, extremely hungover, wanting a better life for myself, but I just didn’t know how to get there,’ she said.
‘For me, alcohol was a release. I didn’t have confidence in my own abilities so I thought I needed a lift to make my personality shine,’ Mrs Akkerman said, who hasn’t had a drink in two years
‘This wasn’t the life I envisioned. This was not who I wanted to be. I was sick of saying “I want to do this” and “I want to do that” and never acting on it because I was too busy being hungover. I wanted more from life. And I knew I needed to slow down.
‘I would get drunk. Then I would eat bad food. Then I would have broken sleep. Then I would get grumpy. Due to lack of sleep and poor nutrition, my skin would break out and I wouldn’t want to go out in public because my face resembled a pizza!’
Mrs Akkerman said most of her Sundays were spent ‘curled in a ball on the ground stuffing my face with KFC’.
‘To be completely honest, I actually don’t like the taste of alcohol. I get a hangover from two glasses of wine and lose my memory. So why drink?When I became pregnant with Axel (now almost three), I truly believed this was the blessing I had been asking for,’ she said.
For a long while Mrs Akkerman said most of her Sundays were spent ‘ curled in a ball on the ground stuffing my face with KFC’
Boxing changed her life and helped her shed 20 kilograms and find balance
‘How many signs was the universe sending to me!? I had a vision to live an authentic, happy life and this was the perfect time to make the leap.’
‘Will I quit alcohol forever? Who knows! There are certain aspects I miss about drinking. But waking up on a Sunday morning with a clear head, watching my baby boy smile to say “You are the most important person in the world to me”, beats every single one of them.’
Mrs Akkerman has now been alcohol free for two years and feels better than ever.
Boxing and martial arts were also crucial to Mrs Akkerman’s recovery and self-love, with it helping her shed 20 kilograms after gaining weight in her thirties.
‘The excess 20 kilos of weight/emotional pain I was carrying simply melted off. I literally danced the weight away,’ she said, referring to Tae Bo workouts.
‘Martial arts did wonders for my body, but more importantly, it did wonders for my mind. I LOVED my sessions with Billy because it made feel happy,’ she said
‘It curbs my anxiety and depression but boxing in particular really takes my mind, body and soul to the next level,’ she said
‘Martial arts did wonders for my body, but more importantly, it did wonders for my mind. I LOVED my sessions with Billy because it made feel happy.’
Mrs Akkerman continues to incorporate boxing into her daily life, combining it with functional fitness (F45 style sessions).
‘For me, boxing isn’t just about fitness, it’s a meditative experience. It’s for the mind as much as it is for the body and soul,’ Mrs Akkerman said.
For Mrs Akkerman, exercise ‘is a must’.
‘It curbs my anxiety and depression but boxing in particular really takes my mind, body and soul to the next level,’ she said.
‘When punching a bag/the pads as hard as I can, it not only releases happy endorphins but builds my confidence. Boxing allows me to push past limiting beliefs.’
Mrs Akkerman shares her thoughts and advice on her blog and shares inspirational snaps on her Instagram page.