A mother who was eagerly counting down to the birth of her second child says she was devastated to find out her baby had to be terminated.
Amy Lee Stidolph, 27, has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), which made falling pregnant extremely difficult.
Her first child, Aria, was a stroke of luck. Her second baby, affectionately named Foo, was to be a miracle.
But what happened next left Amy and her husband Shane heartbroken..
‘We went to a park were we all just broke down and cried,’ she told FEMAIL.
‘The hardest thing to do is to tell your four year-old that her brother or sister is going to have to die.
‘But she knew. She is very empathetic and in tune with me. We cried for a good hour.’
Amy Lee Stidolph, 27, from Queensland, has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), which meant falling pregnant was extremely difficult and her first child, Aria, was a lucky success
‘Just like that our dream had burst. But I could feel him/her moving around.
‘I couldn’t grasp the concept of having to terminate the existence of our baby.’
Ms Stidolph had issues in childhood with early on set puberty, hormones and rapid weight gain and it wasn’t until she was 22 that she was diagnosed with PCOS.
Although she was relieved to finally know what she was dealing with and how to manage it, she also found out that she may have lost most of her egg storage due to the late diagnosis.
Finding out she would face complications when she wanted to start a family was a heavy blow for the Queenslander.
‘We went to a park were we all just broke down and cried. The hardest thing to do is to tell your four year-old that her brother or sister is going to have to die,’ she told FEMAIL
When the mother found out she would face complications when she wanted to start a family, it was a heavy blow
‘I was numb. Being an only child, all I ever wanted was siblings,’ she said.
‘As I got older and knew the chances of this was diminishing with every year, I started to get the urge to become a mother.
‘After hearing and reading about the symptoms and issues relating to PCOS, I started to think I may never get that chance.’
Ms Stidolph then found out her mother, 40, was pregnant and gave birth to Ms Stidolph’s middle brother .
‘This was a very hard time emotionally for me. How was my mother, a woman supposedly out of her prime reproductive age, finding it so easy to fall pregnant and here I am, a woman in my 20s, struggling?’ she said.
‘Being an only child, all I ever wanted was siblings. As I got older and knew the chances of this was diminishing with every year, I started to get the urge to become a mother,’ she said
Tests showed she had the eggs of a 40-year-old and over a dozen cysts on each ovary.
Ms Stidolph and her husband were told that they would never conceive naturally and were referred to a fertility specialist.
Four months later we got those two lines on the pregnancy test that we had being dreaming of
She said that she felt like she was ‘failing at being a woman’.
Ms Stidolph’s mother had now fallen pregnant again.
Needless to say, she was ‘heartbroken’.
‘After we mulled over the idea of needing help to start or family, we thought we would try over the next few months to tempt fate and get pregnant naturally,’ she explained.
‘Four months later we got those two lines on the pregnancy test that we had being dreaming of.’
Ms Stidolph and her husband were told that they would never conceive naturally and were referred to a fertility specialist
Although she felt healthy, at the seven week mark she felt cramping and saw bleeding and sadly miscarried.
Ms Stidolph had to have an ultrasound to make sure everything was back to normal and to their astonishment, all her cysts were gone.
‘We instantly started trying again and got pregnant just six weeks later with Aria,’ she said.
‘At the eight week scan everything was fine and I had to announce our pregnancy as I was already getting huge.
‘Every week leading up to the 12 week scan was scary but in my gut I knew she was strong and carried the strength from her sibling before her.’
At 39 weeks and after a 23-hour labour that ended in an emergency C-section, baby Aria arrived.
Although Ms Stidolph felt healthy, at the seven week mark she felt cramping and saw bleeding and sadly miscarried
The couple cherished their little one but knew they had little time to waste before thinking about having their second child.
Ms Stidolph’s egg count was already low and a blood test revealed her eggs were continuing to drop, leaving them 12 months to fall pregnant naturally.
Ms Stidolph spent three months preparing her body, losing as much weight as possible and working on her blood results.
‘We were doing monthly trips to Toowoomba for hormone injections with yet another fertility specialist,’ she said.
‘After spending thousands of dollars, we were finding it hard to continue as we were emotionally and now financially drained.’
Ms Stidolph spent three months preparing her body, losing as much weight as possible and working on her blood results
‘After every month peeing on a stick and seeing that negative result, I was starting to feel like we were never going to get the chance for another baby,’ she added.
Finally, after months of trying, they got the positive result that they were after.
The pregnancy was going as smoothly as they hoped and by the 12 week mark all of her family and friends knew.
Unfortunately it was when they took Aria to the scan to see her new sibling that they found out there were unexpected complications.
‘We saw its head, body and limbs but we couldn’t get a picture of its face,’ Ms Stidolph said.
‘After trying and trying, the tech said ”Something is not right. You will have to get a different scan and terminate the pregnancy”.’
‘After every month peeing on a stick and seeing that negative result, I was starting to feel like we were never going to get the chance for another baby,’ she said
They made an appointment with their GP the next day and his results showed the baby had scoliosis and gastroschisis, meaning the babies spine was twisted and the organs were growing outside its body.
One whole week spent not knowing if you were going to have to abort your baby that was still moving inside you was utter torture
‘We didn’t know how bad it was yet and there was still a chance that the baby could have surgery at birth and be okay,’ she said.
‘We had to get a referral from the Mater Hospital [in Sydney] for a conclusive scan.
‘We waited a week! One whole week spent not knowing if you were going to have to abort your baby that was still moving inside you was utter torture.’
Ms Stidolph still had hope that her baby would survive but once the week was up she was informed that her little one had multiple genealogical defects with little chance of survival.
They had to have a medical termination.
They made an appointment with their GP the next day and his results showed that the baby had scoliosis and gastroschisis
‘We couldn’t put Aria through becoming a sister then the baby dying during shortly after, that’s even if it survived the rest of the pregnancy,’ Ms Stidolph said.
‘At 14 weeks and four days we were told it was all over. We then had to get admitted to Toowoomba hospital straight away to start the process of termination.’
After four days of hourly medication and poking and prodding, she went into labour.
The baby was born at 15 weeks after six hours of labour and Ms Stidolph was rushed to surgery to remove the placenta and to try save her womb.
‘I was released that Saturday and was drained. I still had to heal from the labour pains and a broken heart,’ she said.
‘Being away from Aria for a week was so hard. Having my mum, and now husband, there to help was the only way I could make it through.’
The baby was born at 15 weeks after six hours of labour and Ms Stidolph was rushed to surgery to remove the placenta and to try save her womb
Ms Stidolph told FEMAIL that the government doesn’t recognise babies born before 20 weeks as ‘complete beings’ so she hasn’t had access to leave or financial help for grieving mums.
Luckily her work has been as helpful as possible, allowing her to use all of her leave so she can recover.
‘We called our daughter “Baby Foo”. She would have been a Leo in western star signs and a dog in Chinese astrology,’ she said.
‘A foo dog is a lion guardian dog for Buddha’s temples. She was strong and waited until she was 15 weeks and only passed away a few hours before her birth.’
Even though this has been an absolutely heart breaking ordeal for Ms Stidolph and her family, she doesn’t believe it is the end.
‘We called our daughter “Baby Foo”. She would have been a Leo in western star signs and a dog in Chinese astrology,’ she said
‘Although very scary and nerve racking, I believe there is another child out there for us,’ Ms Stidolph said.
‘It’s okay to be sad and remember our little Foo, she is forever with us. It has forced us to be a stronger family and live life to its fullest as she won’t get the chance to.’
After 10 years together, Mr and Mr Stidolph got married and made their family official after Foo’s termination.
‘It was a going to do for so long but thanks to Foo it’s a reality now. I will be donating my wedding dress to Angel Gowns, an organisation that creates funeral garments and memorabilia for baby’s who pass before their time.
‘We will forever walk through life remembering that although she can’t walk with us she will always be there in our hearts.
‘Also to all women, if you think you may one day want kids, get a doctors check-up. If there are going to be hurdles best know about them now so you can plan.’