On the first day of Brexit, Theresa gave to me: A lifetime of penury. On the second day of Brexit, Theresa gave to me: Some garbage from Mark Carney.
Strictly speaking, Day Two should really be about national security, but I couldn’t make it scan.
The Home Office minister Ben Wallace spent yesterday putting himself about in radio and TV studios warning that we’re all going to be murdered by terrorists unless MPs get behind Mother Theresa’s risible Brexit ‘deal’.
Theresa May said if MPs ‘voted down’ her deal ‘then obviously decisions would have to be taken’ and planning for a no-deal Brexit would be stepped up
We’re asked to believe that in the event of ‘no deal’, all co-operation between Britain and European law enforcement agencies will come to an end.
He claims that would mean no exchange of information about criminals and terror suspects, no access to fingerprint databases or airline passenger lists, no extradition and, wait for it, no ability to prevent illegal immigration.
No it won’t.
But hang on a minute. Wallace has been getting ahead of himself. Immigration isn’t pencilled in until next Tuesday.
Sorry, didn’t I mention it? You don’t believe that any of this has come out of thin air, do you? The Prime Minister’s Twelve Days Of Brexit horror show is being ruthlessly co-ordinated by No 10.
Careerist ministers like Wallace are only doing what they’re told.
The Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney (pictured above) hosted a Financial Stability Report earlier this week
The Downing Street propaganda machine has drawn up a strict timetable governing the release of ‘information’ in the run-up to the big Commons vote on December 11.
This ‘grid’, as the sultanas of spin like to call it, has been leaked to the website Politico. Actually, there are 13 days on it, starting the day before yesterday, but don’t let’s split hairs.
It all kicked off in earnest on Wednesday, when Bank of England governor Mark Carney was wheeled out to deliver another of his famous Private Frazer ‘We’re All Doomed’ routines.
Ben Wallace (pictured above) spoke at the International Security Expo in London earlier this week
None of his previous apocalyptic warnings has come to pass, so there’s no reason why we should take any notice of this one.
Having said that, it was a classic of its kind. Future historians will marvel at the cynical depths to which an allegedly ‘independent’ governor of the Bank of England was prepared to sink in order to ingratiate himself with his political paymasters. Carney really cranked up the ante, declaring that a no-deal Brexit would lead to the worst crash since the Thirties, house prices could fall by a third and the economy shrink to the size of a small tangerine.
One of his sidekicks went even further, claiming that post-Brexit Britain was facing the most devastating financial crisis since we came off the gold standard.
Oh, for heaven’s sake. Why stop there? Why not the worst crisis since the Black Death?
Bring out your dead!
Carney doesn’t sound like a responsible central banker. He should be marching up and down London’s Oxford Street, wearing a sandwich board declaring ‘The End Of The World Is Nigh’ and shouting at passers-by.
Frankly, I’m sick and tired of being patronised by a Canadian financier with an Irish passport who has become a UK citizen so he can be rewarded with a knighthood for his part in attempting to derail the democratically expressed will of the British people.
And Carney was just the warm-up act. The next week-and-a-bit is already mapped out. Today is ‘International Trade’ day.
Presumably, that means we’re going to be told we won’t be able to sell anything to Europe unless we sign up to Mother Theresa’s surrender document.
After that, it’s ‘Digital’, probably a re-run of the Millennium Bug scare, with so-called experts warning that ‘no deal’ means all our computers will stop working on March 30 next year.
Following ‘Immigration’ on Tuesday — unless we stay in the EU, they’ll send us millions of Izal jihadists and Syrian rapists currently camped out at Calais — it’s ‘Transport’.
That should be a belter. Planes falling out of the sky we already know about. What will they come up with next — no more cheap holidays on the Costa del Crime? Ferries sinking in the Channel? No more Eurostar? Spares for your foreign cars no longer available? The possibilities are endless.
Day Ten is ‘Brexit for the whole UK’. On the tenth day of Brexit, Theresa gave to me: No border in the Irish Sea. That still won’t stop the DUP voting against.
The whole shebang could reach a crescendo on the eve of the crucial vote. On the Twelfth Day of Brexit, Theresa gave to me: The start of World War III.
Here’s a plan. To really get in the festive spirit, why doesn’t Theresa send a Twelve Days Of Brexit advent calendar to every home in the country.
What fun for all the family. The kiddies could come down each morning and open a new window.
Philip Hammond has been giving interviews the past week to broadcasters in Westminster
If it’s Monday, out would pop Philip Hammond, emptying a money box on the floor.
Open Tuesday, and millions of illegal immigrants jump out and escape across the kitchen on their way to claim asylum in Croydon.
Wednesday’s window reveals winding dole queues, as millions lose their jobs because of Brexit.
By Friday, a bailiff would emerge and repossess your house, while on Saturday social workers take your children into care.
A Brexit advent calendar wouldn’t cost much more than the £9 million Call Me Dave blew on posting a Vote Remain leaflet to everyone before the referendum. And it’s a spit in the ocean, compared to the £39 billion she’s planning to bung the EU in exchange for, er, nothing.
That leaflet spelled out in graphic detail the horrors that lay in wait for us — no single market, no customs union, etc — yet still a clear majority voted Leave. So I don’t know how Remoaners can now claim we didn’t know what we were voting for.
If the result had gone the other way, we Leavers would have accepted that we lost fair and square and got on with our lives. Everybody back on the coach.
The only reason we’re such a bitterly divided nation is because a largely London-based clique of well-funded, resentful Remainiacs is determined to keep us in the EU, in any shape or form possible.
That’s what the revival of Project Fear is all about. Don’t they understand they are insulting the intelligence of everyone who voted in the referendum, whether they cast their vote for Leave or Remain?
What we’re witnessing is an affront to democracy.
Have these fanatics never heard Einstein’s dictum: ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.’
If this really is the end of the world as we know it, I feel fine.