Steph & Dom Solve your sex, love & life troubles

In a new column for Inspire, TV’s Steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 53, draw on their 20 years of marriage to solve your sex & relationship problems…

Q: Six months ago I met a wonderful, kind man on an online dating site. We clicked instantly and it only took a couple of dates for us to fall head over heels in love with each other.

Now, he’s asked if he can move in to my house. I’m excited at the thought of taking the next step — I can’t wait for us to live together, to wake up next to him every morning.

But my friends are telling me that it’s way too soon for him to move in with me.

They think I need to be more cautious and see how the relationship develops before I commit.

I know that might sound like the sensible course of action, but I got divorced two years ago and honestly, I can’t remember the last time I felt this happy.

Also, I’m worried that it will hurt his feelings — or worse, cause a rift in our relationship — if I tell him ‘not yet’. What do you think?

An anonymous reader asked Steph & Dom for their advice on letting the man they met online six months ago move in to their house (file image) 

DOM SAYS: This immediately makes me nervous. It’s absolutely fraught with danger.

Six months isn’t very long at all — but that’s not why this bothers me. Steph and I moved in together after three months. But there was no doubt on either of our parts.

We met on a blind date and it was life-changing. We both knew immediately we would spend the rest of our lives together. It was a bit like: ‘Oh hello, it’s you!’

But that’s clearly not the case here.

This calls for caution because he’s not asking you the right question. He should be asking you to move in with him, not if he can move in with you. That makes me suspicious.

He’s in his 50s, he’s got no baggage — which is a bonus — but it does mean he should be relatively affluent. With no wife and kids he should have his own lovely home. Either he does, but he doesn’t want to share it with you, in which case — run! Or he doesn’t, in which case — run!

Also, he’s never been married. Chances are there’s a very good reason why not. Either he doesn’t want to marry, or every other woman who got to know him well enough worked out he wasn’t worth marrying.

If I were you I’d be on my guard. He might move in and never move out. He might marry you, then divorce you and take half your house.

What makes you so sure he’s not after your money? That’s the thing with online dating. When we were younger we all met through people we knew — you’d get introduced and then the person who introduced you could vouch for you both.

But online, that’s not possible and you have absolutely no idea who you’re dealing with.

There are some dodgy people out there and some very good actors! This one doesn’t sound good to me.

I say get out now. But if you insist on staying, then rent your own home out and rent — don’t buy! — a place together. That way, if it all goes pear-shaped, you can just leave.

But I’d save yourself the heartbreak and walk now — for my money, he’s after your dosh!

Steph & Dom (pictured) advised the reader to be cautious and try spending time together on a holiday before committing to living together

Steph & Dom (pictured) advised the reader to be cautious and try spending time together on a holiday before committing to living together

STEPH SAYS: Definite warning bells on this one. Be careful.

Two years after a divorce, you’ll still be quite sore. The mourning period is going to have taken at least 18 months. So you will have met him before you found your independence and really got your confidence back.

This is quite a bold step to be taking. If you choose to take it, you have to protect yourself.

Approach it as a business arrangement. You need to draw up an agreement, I’d say for six months, and then if it’s all going well you can rip it up.

Find somewhere to rent and agree — in writing — that you’ll each pay half the rent and what-not.

The thing is, he might be the guy, The One, and if he is, then he’ll be happy to do this, because, you know what? He’ll want you to be protected. And if he doesn’t like it? Well, there’s your answer and he can sod off!

And there’s another important reason you have to formally protect yourself — to make your friends shut up about it.

Because if he is The One and your friends all think he’s a loser who’s after your money, then you’ve got a problem. A big problem.

This way, they’ll know you’re being sensible and not overly rose-tinted about things.

But, first things first, before you bother with any of the admin, you need a test run. A holiday. Ideally ten days or more — a week at the least. Then you’ll know if you really do want him to move in after all.

Will he turn into a gibbering idiot at the airport? Will he be one of those people who go on and on about having to get to the gate early? Is he crass? Is he a grumpy sod when he’s not in his comfort zone?

As you’re happily reading Jilly Cooper, is he twitching and trying to get you to go snorkelling? Will he — oh, the horror — make you go and see some ruins?

At the end of the holiday you’re either going to love him more or hate him completely, but you’ll know. There is, after all, nowhere to hide on holiday.

So, tell him to take you away. If, after a decent trip together, you still think he’s the man you think he is, then see above.

But forget the love hearts — when it comes to living together, you need to treat it as a business.  

If you have a question you’d like Steph and Dom to tackle, write to stephanddom@ dailymail.co.uk



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