Whitney Port broke down in tears in a new video while discussing the death of her father.
The 32-year-old lost her dad nearly five years ago in March 2013, but she is still grieving — especially when she considers that her dad can’t be there for precious moments in her own child’s life.
Speaking candidly in a clip on her YouTube channel, the former star of The Hills cries as she notes how the birth of her son has made her miss her dad even more.
Hard to talk about: Whitney Port got very emotional as she spoke about her late father in a new video
Miss him: Her dad died in 2013 from kidney cancer
Happy home life: The 32-year-old said he was the ‘best dad’ and she was ‘daddy’s little girl’
Whitney welcomed her now three-month-old son Sonny Sanford with her husband Tim Rosenman in July.
Since then, she has joyfully shared adorable photos and videos of her baby on social media and is clearly enamored with the little one. But she has also admitted that being a mom — particularly to a newborn — isn’t always pure sunshine.
In fact, she’s made a series of YouTube videos called ‘I Love My Baby But…’ in which she tackles the tougher aspects of motherhood. In the past, she’s honestly discussed how painful breastfeeding is and and the discomfort she felt after giving birth.
In her most recent one, titled ‘I Love My Baby But, I Miss My Dad,’ she discussed the impact her father Jeffrey’s death from kidney cancer still has on her life.
‘It has been a traumatic and grief filled world for me for so many reasons,’ she captioned the video and wrote on her website. ‘Simply put, he was my dad. He was the main man in my life for almost all of my life and really ruled at it. I miss him every single day,’ she captioned the video
New baby: She said moments with her three-month-old son are bittersweet because she can’t share them with him
Growing family: She and her husband Tim Rosenman welcomed the baby in July
‘More recently, really since Sonny was born, I find myself missing him more and more. It’s unfortunate how such amazing times in ones life, like getting married or having a baby, can be colored with such darkness.
‘Again, I hate to be a total downer, but this is the reality of so many of our lives. We are so happy but then quickly feel the loss of their presence and it’s really hard to come to terms with.’
As the video begins, Whitney is already teary-eyed. She sit on the couch with Sonny in her lap, her hair and make-up not done as she feeds him at home.
She wipes her eyes and says it was important for her to do this video, but it also felt like ‘scheduling a cry session.’
‘If I cry this easily, obviously I need to cry about it,’ she says, after old pictures of her and her dad flash on the screen.
She wipes her eyes with a burp cloth and warns that Sonny is being ‘temperamental’ at the moment, and later gives him a bottle.
Hard: Whitney said that she has been missing her dad more since Sonny was born
Grandparents: She also thinks of her own mother, and how she’d enjoy being a grandmother more if her husband was still alive
Total package: Whitney described her dad as an ‘amazing father,’ a good person, and someone who could be silly
She said: ‘He had a very clear sense of right and wrong and he just always wanted to do right by everyone’
‘My dad was great,’ she says. ‘He was just the best, the best dad. I think we were all the typical “daddy’s little girls”. And he not only was such an amazing father, but he was silly, and he was always the coach, and he was strict when he needed to be but easy and playful, and he was always home right after work.
‘Family always came first for him,’ she adds. ‘And we just always wanted to be around him. More than our friends, we always wanted to be around our parents.’
She recalls how, while she was growing up, her parents had a standing Friday night date at the Cheesecake Factory. Whitney and her three siblings would go out with friends, but at the end of the evening they would always be dropped off at the restaurant to hang out with their mom and dad.
‘My dad was just a really good guy. He was a lot like you,’ she says to her husband, who is filming, ‘in that he had a very clear sense of right and wrong and he just always wanted to do right by everyone.
In the family: She hopes Sonny takes after her dad in a lot of ways
Not easy: ‘When you have such a big death in the family, it obviously colors a lot of big moments in your life. Especially having Sonny, and our wedding,’ she explained
She says he was ‘universally well-liked’ and that all of her friends wanted him to be their dad, too.
‘When you have such a big death in the family, it obviously colors a lot of big moments in your life. Especially having Sonny, and our wedding,’ she explains.
Not having him there to join in the happiness of all of the major events of the past few years has made those moments ‘very bittersweet’.
She wanted him to be there both for support and to share in the excitement. She thinks of her mom, in particular, and how much more she would enjoy having a grandchild if her husband was there too.
‘It’s hard to not be sort of negative sometimes and think how much better it would be if he were here,’ she says.
Great guy: She said her dad was always the coach and could be both playful and strict
‘It’s hard to not be sort of negative sometimes and think how much better it would be if he were here,’ she said
Another chance: If she could speak to her dad again, she would want to tell him that his family is happy
Whitney shares the ways in which she hopes her son takes after her dad, including his good nature and golf skills.
She also shares what she would say to him if she had the chance to speak to him again.
‘I would want to tell him that I’m really happy and that I have a good life and our family has a good life and that we obviously miss him terribly,’ she said.
The emotional video has touched the hearts of her fans, who have chimed in to share their own experiences with grief. Touched herself by the response, Whitney wrote to them: ‘This community of people is the reason we make the videos. Thank you all for your honesty and compassion.’