Even sexting can be done stylishly says fashion bible Tatler, which has published a guide for its readers on how to get racy with a lover when you’re not in the same room.
However, while some of the tips might make perfect sense; for example, not cutting to the chase too quickly, other snippets of advice seem a little strange.
Take the suggestion that you might do other things while in the midst of an erotically-charged digital moment – including wrapping presents or taking the bins out.
To sext or not to sext? Tatler offers a hearty yes, and includes some interesting tips in its guide to the 21st century art including multi-tasking while doing it, sexting naked and even during meetings
While smartphones and laptops have become tools for seduction, there is, apparently, a right and wrong way to get frisky while using them.
Tatler recommends taking an approach adopted by literature’s more daring icons, saying ‘words are your sex playground’ and encouraging texters to get naked if it helps them get in the mood.
However, it’s a tip that might jar with another idea offered; that sexting can just be part of an afternoon’s multi-tasking; as pedestrian as ‘feeding the dog’ – and no, that’s not a euphemism.
The guide reads: ‘Don’t forget, no one can see you if you’re sexting from home, so get on with other stuff.
A very modern romance…but don’t feel bad about putting the bins out, feeding the dog while you’re flirting up a storm with a potential lover
‘Ping off a trashy message saying you’ve got your hand down your knickers while you’re actually wrapping a present for your goddaughter/taking the bins out/feeding the dog. Sexting doesn’t preclude practicality.’
Other gems include telling a lover, or potential lover: ‘I’m naked, where are you?’ or even including seasonal themes into your woo-ing, such as ‘Trick or treat?’ around Halloween time.
More practical advice when it comes to the tricky subject of whether to send images of oneself in flagrante takes a more conservative approach; suggesting a ‘case-by-case’ basis, saying: ‘It’s generally advisable not to whizz off a picture you just took down your trousers to someone you haven’t had sex with yet.’
It sounds risky to Femail but sexting during a meeting is considered ‘ideal’ – despite the potential to be caught out by colleagues.
And if it all goes wrong: Make like a million others and deny all knowledge!
Other nuggets of apparently sage advice include never sexting after a fight and staying on topic when things hot up by avoiding practical distractions such as: ‘By the way, can you pick up some bread and a packet of parsley on your way over?’
And when the sexting is at its, erm, peak, it may well be time to play it cool, advises Tatler, saying: ‘If things aren’t heating up, don’t get pushy, eg: ‘Now look here, I’m offering you a shagfest – what’s your problem????’ No one wants to bonk the cross girl.’
And if it all goes terribly wrong? Then make like a politician of yesteryear and deny all knowledge, and make for the hills: ‘Just pretend someone took your phone and deny everything. Or leave the country forever. Or say you were heavily medicated.’