A woman has revealed how an obsession with exercise and losing weight led to an eating disorder.
In June 2013, online fitness coach and waitress, Morgan Bryant, 22, from Anderson, South Carolina, began showing signs of anorexia.
What began as a gradual process led to Morgan ‘yearning’ for the perfect body and she said she felt trapped as she became more and more terrified of gaining weight.
Problem: Morgan Bryant, 22, from Anderson, South Carolina, began showing signs of anorexia in June 2013 (pictured) after she became obsessed with exercising and calories control
Perfect body: Morgan shared that she started yearning for the ‘perfect’ body and was terrified of losing weight which resulted in her shrinking down to 95 pounds and a size 00
Restricted: Morgan used to run seven to eight miles a day, three days per week, as well as working out in the gym, and consumed as little as 900 calories per day
She says she began counting calories, consuming as little as 900 per day, and relied on two saltine crackers if she started to feel weak.
Morgan also set herself a target of completing a strenuous weekly workout regime.
‘It was a battle to allow myself even one rest-day a week. I ran three days-a-week, one of those being seven or eight miles,’ she shared.
‘The other days I did hard strenuous workouts with weights, squats and push ups. All my exercises were done in the afternoon heat at the beach. I thought if I did my exercise outside in the heat that I would burn more calories.’
This resulted in her dropping down to 95 pounds and a tiny size 00.
It wasn’t until one day in August 2015 that Morgan began to realize it was an obsession, and after looking up anorexia online, still in denial that she was anorexic, the reality of her health hit her.
‘I began to realize it was an obsession and something that controlled my life. I remember one night I looked up the definition of anorexia online – never believing I could ever struggle with something like that – but the definition was everything I was feeling one-hundred percent,’ she explained.
However, her recovery process resulted in Morgan swapping one addiction for another, and she started binging on food, gaining 60 pounds in just one year, he weight peaking at 155 pounds.
‘After anorexia it’s very common for people to struggle with binging. I still struggled with the emotional aspects of eating but just in a different way.
‘I ate to feel better and to stuff my feelings. Instead of facing my emotions I would eat to make myself feel better.
‘Stress, loneliness, anxiety, depression and boredom all were dealt with by eating. Like anorexia, binging doesn’t make sense logically. I would stuff my face to the point of discomfort but couldn’t stop the habit.’
Transformation: Morgan began to realize in August 2015 that she had a problem but went from one extreme to another, binging on food and gaining 60 pounds in a year (right)
Recovery: Morgan says she used to binge to the point of discomfort but once she learnt how to moderate her eating and exercise regime, her weight rounded out at 130 pounds (pictured)
Progress: Morgan says she’s learnt to love exercise again and is now training for a marathon but she is conscious she needs lots of rest days too
Humbled: Now a healthy size four, Morgan says she has a lot of compassion for people who struggle with eating disorders and is aware how mental and emotional food can be
But Morgan said she managed to finally find balance in May 2017 when she was able to maintain a healthy weight of 130 pounds and stay at a size four.
‘I now try to eat clean and natural but also enjoy unhealthy foods on occasion. I strive for a balanced/healthy lifestyle instead of a perfect diet,’ she said.
She’s also learned to love exercise again and is training for a marathon, not because she feels she has to do it, but because she wants to do it.
Speaking about her recovery, Morgan revealed: ‘People tend to assume all you need to do is ‘eat more’ [to recover] but it goes way deeper than that. It’s also grown me as a person to overcome something so life threatening.
‘I am now humbled, but secure in who I am as a person rather than just a body. I think a lot of people don’t understand anorexia.’
Morgan also admitted that she now has a lot of compassion and understanding for people who struggle with food, and is aware of how mental and emotional an eating disorder can be.
Her advice for others? ‘Life wasn’t meant for bondage and you aren’t expected to be perfect. Your worth isn’t in the size of your body, but in your heart.
‘You are not alone, and you aren’t crazy for what you think and feel. Recovery is possible. Freedom in food and exercise is worth fighting for.’