This is what happens when you’re left with a bunch of drips on Big Brother.
On Tuesday, the remaining freelance failures tussled with their own ineptitude, as they tried to wring even a drop of personality out of their lifeless husks.
Elsewhere, Sophie found out that the best way to impress The Chad is to make him feel like the smartest man in the room – somehow, she managed.
Drip feed: On Tuesday, Big Brother’s remaining freelance failures tussled with their own ineptitude, as they tried to wring even a drop of personality out of their lifeless husks
When It Rains
‘Housemates, it’s time for your weekly grocery budget challenge,’ said Big Brother. ‘This week, I’m going to make it rain and, like a Spearmint Rhino bouncer at the end of a shift, you guys have to collect all the “rain”
‘Housemates, it’s time for your weekly grocery budget challenge,’ said Big Brother.
‘This week, I’m going to make it rain and, like a Spearmint Rhino bouncer at the end of a shift, you guys have to collect all the “rain” and return it to the safe.’
‘You have to use only your body to fill a rain gauge.’
This challenge felt like what you’d get if Gardening Australia was hosted by Cardi B.
‘You can only use your body to fill this rain gauge’. This challenge felt like what you’d get if Gardening Australia was hosted by Cardi B
It was an apt metaphor, watching the bogan brigade struggling to wring even a drop of substance out of each other.
‘Oooh! There’s a drip!’ celebrated Mat as he cupped his bone dry hands over the gauge.
There is a drip indeed.
Watching the bogan brigade struggling to wring even a drop of substance out of each other was an apt metaphor. ‘Oooh! There’s a drip!’ celebrated Mat. There is a drip indeed
About twenty hours into the twenty-four hour challenge, mostly mute hipster Xavier finally worked out they could be wringing their wet clothing into the gauge too.
‘GUYS! COME QUICK!’ he yelled, as the rest of the drips gathered around chanting ‘Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!’ like cavemen discovering fire for the first time.
‘GUYS! COME QUICK!’ Xavier yelled, after discovering he could use his clothes too. ‘Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!’ chanted his co-stars, like cavemen discovering fire for the first time
Run, The Chad, Run!
Running on empty: ‘This is bloody hopeless,’ noted Big Brother, who failed to account for just how little clothing the housemates wear on a daily basis. He spent the night working on a tweak to the challenge
‘This is bloody hopeless,’ noted Big Brother, who failed to account for just how little clothing the housemates wear on a daily basis.
‘It’s like trying fill Warragamba with a soggy G-string!’ he noted, realising an intervention would be necessary.
Plan B: The next morning, he tasked the housemates with a secret challenge: Get The Chad to run twelve k’s without realising he’s being manipulated to earn an extra $50 for groceries
Big Brother picked up his phone to deliver the bad news:
Big Brother: ‘Yeah, Kochie, it’s Gav. Going to have to cancel tonight mate, stuck at work,’ he said.
Kochie: ‘Far out, Gav! You were my canvas! What am I meant to do with all this Klag and human hair?’
Big Brother: ‘I’m sure if you use your HEAD you could come up with a good use for it?’
Kochie: ‘Oh f**k off Gavin.’
This shouldn’t be hard, this is the same guy who still thinks the nightly evictions are being hosted by Gretel Killeen. Enter his love interest, Sophie
Big Brother spent the night rewiring The Chad’s microphone pack to include a pedometer.
He tasked the housemates with a secret challenge: Get The Chad to run twelve k’s without realising he’s being manipulated to earn an extra $50 for groceries.
This shouldn’t be hard, this is the same guy who still thinks the nightly evictions are being hosted by Gretel Killeen.
‘Hey Chad! You should run heaps to get your step count up? Consider it a CHALLENGE,’ she said
Enter his love interest, Sophie.
‘Hey Chad! You should run heaps to get your step count up? Consider it a CHALLENGE,’ she said.
Big Brother let the poor bugger run all twelve kilometres before informing the housemates that Sophie had cheated.
The housemates were furious and so was Sophie, who could not understand what she’d done wrong.
You what? Big Brother let the poor bugger run all twelve kilometres before informing the housemates that Sophie had cheated
Needless to say, she’s perfect for The Chad.
‘WHAT? I said step count!’ Sophie complained.
‘OHH I said step count…’ she realised.
‘Wait, what’s wrong with step count?’
‘OHH. STEP count.’
Cut to commercial, we’ve broken Sophie.
Sophie doesn’t get it: The housemates were furious and so was Sophie, who could not understand what she’d done wrong
The Chad Approves
NO! YOU’RE BANNED! Sophie fled to the bedroom to have a big cry, which I have ZERO time for after Monday’s insufferable sob fest. The Chad strolled in to comfort her
Sophie fled to the bedroom to have a big cry, which I have ZERO time for after Monday’s insufferable sob fest.
The Chad strolled in to comfort her:
Sophie: ‘I’ve ruined it! You think I’m dumb!’
Sophie: ‘I’ve ruined it! You think I’m dumb!’
The Chad: ‘First of all, you haven’t. The Chad look smart now. The Chad approves. And between you and me, I have had NO idea what is going on since day one. Zero
The Chad: ‘First of all, you haven’t. The Chad look smart now. The Chad approves. And between you and me, I have had NO idea what is going on since day one. Zero.
Sophie: ‘RIGHT! Me either! ‘It’s like, one, he’s not my big brother – Brad works at K-Mart – and two, what the hell has Gretel Killeen done to her face?’
These two are meant to be. It’s like watching the P&O Cruise version of Titanic. Two dopey hearts, beating as one.
Sophie: ‘RIGHT! Me either! ‘It’s like, one, he’s not my big brother – Brad works at K-Mart – and two, what the hell has Gretel Killeen done to her face?’ Gotta admit, it’s kinda sweet to see two dopey hearts beating as one
It’s Time To Zoe
Good for you! Marissa won the boring, luck-based nomination challenge that I’m not going to bother to describe
Marissa won the boring, luck-based nomination challenge that I’m not going to bother to describe.
She set Zoe up to fail by nominating her alongside two of the most popular housemates from the ‘Alpha Group’, Mat and Xavier.
The Reject Group thought they had the numbers to pull off a coup. Sophie and Chad are members, so needless to say, they thought wrong.
See ya Zoe.
No chance: She set Zoe up to fail by nominating her alongside two of the most popular housemates from the ‘Alpha Group’, Mat and Xavier
‘1, 2, um, 4, 5, 6…’ The Reject Group thought they had the numbers to pull off a coup. Sophie and Chad are members, so needless to say, they thought wrong. See ya Zoe