Aly Raisman has been working tirelessly as an advocate for victims of sexual assault in light of the Larry Nassar trial — and while she believes it is the most important thing she can do right now, the process has taken an emotional toll on her.
The Olympic gold medalist, 24, first spoke up about the abuse she suffered at the hands of the pedophile doctor in November. She delivered a powerful victim impact statement during his trial in January, staring down her attacker in court, and has since worked to raise awareness about his grooming tactics and empower other survivors to come forward.
The public scrutiny over the Nassar case and her personal experiences is ‘exhausting and traumatizing’, Aly, a native of Needham, Massachusetts, told The Improper Bostonian in a new interview.
Strong: Aly Raisman (pictured in March posing in a bathing suit with the word ‘survivor’ on it for Aerie) has become a vocal advocate for survivors of sexual assault
‘I’m constantly reliving my abuse, and the last couple of months were extra-draining,’ Aly said.
She recounted how she felt as she first called out USA Gymnastics and the U.S. Olympic Committee for their handling of the sexual abuse scandal in August, before sharing her own story in November.
‘I was so sick and so nervous,’ she added. ‘I don’t know if people understand how hard it is to do that. I could hold it together in court or whatever, but then I could barely hold my head up afterward.’
The gymnast’s schedule has been so busy over the past few months it has impacted her lifestyle.
‘In the past few months, I’ve barely worked out, which for someone who loves working out, that’s saying a lot,’ Aly added. ‘But the exhaustion is incredible, especially because you’re dealing with a serious issue and you always have to be on.
‘I understand that when I speak, I’m not just speaking for myself. I’m speaking for anyone who suffered this and doesn’t have a voice, and I take that very seriously. I want people to know that I have the best intentions, and with the media, you can’t really control what they’re going to print or how it will come across. You can be misquoted.’
Calmer: The gymnast (pictured center along with Cassey Ho, Iskra Lawrence, and Hilaria Baldwin) has used therapy, acupuncture, meditation, and essential oils
Speaking out: Aly delivered a powerful victim impact statement during Larry Nassar’s trial in January, staring down her attacker in court
Recently, Aly has started taking better care of herself while spending more time at home. Therapy, acupuncture, meditation, and essential oils have all helped her become calmer.
Aly is one of 332 women and girls who say Nassar abused them. In May this year, Michigan State University, where he worked for almost 20 years, announced it would set aside $425 million for the people who have already spoken out, and another $75 million to cover future claims.
Assault: The athlete is one of 332 women and girls who say Nassar (pictured in court in January) abused them
Asked whether that settlement, which is expected to be divided among victims over the next few months with varying amounts going to each person, does anything to repair the damage caused by Nassar, Aly highlighted the importance of accountability, more than money.
‘The most important thing for these organizations is to take accountability and listen to the survivors, hear them out. And not one organization has done that. But when you file a lawsuit, you’re able to get information and data that you otherwise wouldn’t,’ she said.
‘The reason I personally decided to file a lawsuit is because there hasn’t been a full, independent investigation. I want the answers. And in certain respects, lawsuits are useful in doing that.
‘The fact that there are still people working in these organizations when problems were reported so long ago is really frustrating, and it’s what keeps me up at night. I would love to be a part of USA Gymnastics and helping them create change, but I can’t do that if they’re not willing to sit down and talk with me.’
Aly has previously spoken out about the importance to educate children about grooming tactics, explaining that while Nassar made her uncomfortable, she used to tell herself he had to be trustworthy because he was a doctor.
Milestones: With three Olympic gold medals, two silver medals, and one bronze, Aly has become the second most decorated U.S. gymnast at the Olympic Games
‘Over the years my teammates and I would talk among ourselves saying, “He’s really weird and he definitely makes us uncomfortable,”‘ she previously told The View.
‘But then we would kind of make excuses and we’d say, “Well, he does it to all of us so it must be OK. He’s been doing it for so long, so if it was wrong, he would have already been caught. And he’s a doctor, and he’s the Olympic doctor, so he has to be the best.”
‘So we would always make excuses and stick up for him. And he would give us gifts, so we thought he was there for us. I thought he was my friend, and he really manipulated us.’
Now, Aly told The Improper Bostonian she wishes she had been able to spot the abuse when she was younger.
‘I had no idea that I was being abused because he was a doctor. I was very uncomfortable with him, and I thought he was very weird,’ she told the magazine.
‘But I thought that because he was a doctor, I almost felt guilty for thinking badly of him. I wish I’d realized that it’s important to speak up, even if you’re unsure, when someone’s making you feel uncomfortable. But I don’t want to look back with any regrets, because everything has led me to where I am now. ‘
If Aly ever has a child who wants to compete as an elite athlete or in the Olympics, the gymnast said she would let them do so ‘only if USA Gymnastics and the U.S. Olympic Committee were willing to work with us and make changes and take a hard look at what’s gone on’.
‘They’ve been silent. And it’s not just in gymnastics but other sports. They’re ignoring this problem,’ she added. ‘But if they were willing to make a change — which obviously the people in charge don’t care — I would. Those people need to be gone, and the problem needs to be fixed from the top down to the level when a four-year-old starts playing a sport.’
Back: The Needham, Massachusetts native (pictured cuddling her dogs in a recent social media shots) has been spending more time at home
With three Olympic gold medals, two silver medals, and one bronze, Aly, who twice captained her country’s team, has become the second most decorated U.S. gymnast at the Olympic Games.
She was a contestant on season 16 of Dancing With The Stars in 2013, published her memoir, Fierce, in November 2017, and earlier this year, posed for Sports Illustrated in an empowering shoot, with words such as ‘survivor’ and ‘Women do not have to be modest to be respected’ written on her body.
This July, she will be one of several women who will receive the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at this year’s ESPYS, in recognition of the bravery they demonstrated by speaking out against Nassar.
In addition to her work as an advocate for survivors of sexual assault, Aly has become a leader in the body positivity movement, posing in unretouched photos for the clothing brand Aerie.
There was once a time when Aly felt ‘self-conscious’ about her muscles, and she now wants to encourage others to embrace their own bodies.
‘I thought it was really weird, because I was so strong,’ she told The Improper Bostonian. ‘I think that’s wrong, and I don’t want any young girl or woman to feel like that. Everyone should be proud of their bodies. Everyone’s body is unique.’
Over the past few months, Aly told the publication she would have described herself as ‘serious, strong and tired’, though things are starting to change.
‘But now I’d also say happy, calm and hopeful,’ she added. ‘I feel happier than I did a few months ago.’