‘As I said “I do”, the woman my in-laws wanted their son to marry walked in wearing black…’: Brides reveal exactly what ruined their weddings – and the type of best man all wives secretly loathe: SEALED SECTION

Oh, how I love a wedding! The glowing bride, the emotional groom, the first dance, it’s all marvellous. Hand me a glass of champagne, a tissue and a seat at the singles table, and I’m set for a cracking night.

But anyone who’s been involved in a wedding knows that behind the scenes, it’s usually chaos. As someone who, in my uncle’s words, is ‘always the bridesmaid, never the bride’ (cheers for that), I’ve had a front-row seat for some truly bonkers wedding catastrophes.

Like the time I was a bridesmaid, and the florist rocked up before we did, used every last flower to decorate the venue, and left zero for the actual bouquets. To this day, we still can’t figure out how that happened. Cue a last-minute scramble, ripping flowers from table centrepieces to slap together the dodgiest bouquets you’ve ever seen. Not exactly Pinterest-worthy, but hey, we made it work.

Then there was the wedding where a very drunk, very straight groomsman got a little too flirty with a gay friend of the bride. At some point, the two vanished into the bathroom, and whatever happened in there remains a mystery, but the gay friend emerged with a black eye and immediately left in tears. Neither of them has ever spoken about it, and honestly? I’d pay to know what went down.

And if you thought that was bad, wait until you hear the wedding disasters my loyal followers have shared with me. Warning: some of these anxiety-inducing stories may have you cancelling your wedding…

The mother-in-law who thought it was her wedding

Mothers-in-law have a reputation for not being the easiest wedding guests (or family members in general, ahem). And no, it’s not all mothers-in-law, but according to my DMs, it’s a lot of them.

One of my followers had a doozy – a mother-in-law who seemed to think the big day was all about her

Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking reveals some of the worst wedding stories she’s ever heard

‘I thought I was marrying my husband, but apparently, I was also marrying his mother. She not only walked down the aisle before me, but she also forced my husband to learn a five-minute choreographed first dance with her. She had the first dance with my husband while I just stood there watching. 

‘Meanwhile, my sister (who I was forced to have as maid of honour) spent the whole ceremony swearing at me because she thought it was too cold. In the wedding video, you can hear her abuse in the background. 

‘Oh, and my in-laws invited the woman they actually wanted my husband to marry, along with her entire family, who all showed up wearing black, like it was a funeral. When the officiant asked if anyone objected, my mother-in-law stood up, until my husband yanked her back down. Honestly, I should have run.’

The maid of honour from hell   

Let’s face it, weddings have a way of bringing out the absolute worst in people. 

There’s just something about the combination of stressful planning, sky-high expectations and bridezilla behaviour that can cause tension between even the best of friends. Who’d have thought?

As one of my followers told me, she fell out with her best friend and maid of honour just a month out from the big day – and unfortunately there was no going back…

‘My wife had a massive falling-out with her maid of honour about a month before the wedding but it was too late to change plans, so she had to just deal with it.

One bride discovered her groom's affair at the reception after a fellow guest did some snooping

One bride discovered her groom’s affair at the reception after a fellow guest did some snooping

‘She [the maid of honour] refused to dance because the tag was still on her dress which she wanted to take back; she mixed up gluten and non-gluten food even though my wife is coeliac; and, worst of all, she held up the morning of the wedding because she was fighting a parking fine at the hairdressers. 

‘Then, she refused to stay at the venue with the bridal party on the wedding night because she wanted to have brunch with other guests. She even blocked my wife from seeing her Instagram Stories thinking she wouldn’t find out. 

‘She was also supposed to cover her own stay for one night but kept deliberately sending incorrect bank details so the payment would bounce back. And, just when we thought she was finally out of our lives, she hassled my wife on our honeymoon to send out thank-you notes.’

The affair that blew up at the reception

Another thing I learned from my followers was that you can plan the perfect wedding down to every last detail – the dream dress, the stunning venue, the swoon-worthy first dance – and someone else can still come along and ruin it. 

Because as much as some brides might try, you can’t plan for everything. Especially not a guest deciding that your wedding day is the perfect time to expose your groom’s affair with another woman…

‘I was at a wedding where the groom was exposed for having an affair with one of the guests. The husband of said guest had been suspicious for weeks after finding a mystery number in her phone. 

‘At the reception, he called the number, and it diverted to the groom’s voicemail! At that point, all hell broke loose: the bride was devastated, the wedding night was ruined, but somehow they managed to stay together.

‘The other couple headed on to a messy divorce.’ 

The best man who became the worst man    

There’s an open secret that few women are brave enough to admit to their husbands.

Most of the time, your best man is a great guy. We love him! Sometimes, he’s the very same fella who introduced us.

But there’s a type of best man we all despise: the childhood (or university) friend who loves a drink and thinks he’s a comedian.

We know that as soon as he gets a microphone in his hands, all bets are off. As one of my followers confessed… 

‘My husband’s best man was his childhood best friend and took his “duties” way too seriously. He started the night by making an inappropriate joke during his speech, implying that my husband had a “last hurrah” before the wedding (he didn’t). 

‘Then, as if that wasn’t enough, he got so drunk that he projectile vomited on the dance floor… and then tried to kiss one of my bridesmaids!

‘He was escorted out by security. We haven’t spoken to him since.’ 

The five-tier cake collapse

It’s one of the most Instagrammable moments of the entire day: the cutting of the cake. Maybe the newlyweds keep it classy, or maybe the groom smushes a slice into his wife’s face (apparently that’s a thing now?)

Either way, you never know what might happen.

While it’s always an unpredictable moment, one woman was shocked to see her very expensive cake topple right before the big moment.

‘We spent thousands on a five-tier cake only for it to collapse just as we were about to cut it. And I don’t mean a little lean. I mean a full-blown landslide of buttercream and fondant that took out the flower girl’s dress on the way down. 

‘My mother-in-law, who had insisted on the ‘traditional fruitcake’ option, took this as a personal attack and stormed out of the venue in a huff. We ended up cutting the cake on the floor, and everyone got a good laugh, but it was an expensive laugh.’

One woman says her five-tier wedding cake toppled over, causing her mother-in-law to storm out of the ceremony (stock image)

One woman says her five-tier wedding cake toppled over, causing her mother-in-law to storm out of the ceremony (stock image)

The wedding that became a crime scene

As I mentioned, weddings bring out the worst in people. Tensions are running high and relatives who hate each other are forced to spend a day together and act like they’re enjoying it. Oh, and there’s alcohol. Lots of alcohol. 

In the case of one of my followers, two of her relatives didn’t quite manage the ‘acting like they were enjoying it’ part…

‘A fight broke out at my reception between two uncles who hadn’t spoken in years. It started as a passive-aggressive argument about football and ended with one of them being dragged out by security. 

‘Then the police showed up just as I was about to do my first dance. My wedding photos now feature flashing red-and-blue lights in the background. Mortifying.’

The groom who couldn’t stand the heat

Wedding jitters are a very real thing. We’ve all seen a groom fumble over his vows, or a bride’s hand tremble as she receives her wedding ring. 

A couple of champagnes usually take care of those nerves, but occasionally the pressure of the day gets the better of a bride or groom, and we witness a wedding day… swoon.

‘As bad as my wedding was, it was nothing compared to my cousin’s. Her husband-to-be fainted at the altar. Completely blacked out, mid-vows.

‘When he came to, they had to sit him down on a chair to finish the ceremony, and she looked so unimpressed.’

The emcee who didn’t make it past the entrée

Ah, destination weddings. They might be expensive, but the stunning setting and built-in holiday make them worthwhile.

But after reading my DMs, I have just one piece of advice to anyone considering planning one: choose your destination wisely. 

‘I got married in Bali, and my emcee got a serious case of “Bali belly” on the big day. The bus had to stop multiple times to let her vomit on the way to the venue, but she somehow made it through her speech.

‘She made it to the entrée and then it was game over. She collapsed at the table [then] spent the rest of the night in bed, violently ill. We had to get a last-minute replacement to finish the night. She was devastated the next day.’

The wedding-crasher relatives

If you really want to stress a bride out, mess with her seating plan. Go on, I dare you.

Thanks again to those dysfunctional family members, plus-ones that appear out of nowhere, and that single female friend who insists on being sat next to your hot, single guy friend (hi!) Yes, it can be quite a juggling act to keep everyone happy.

Now throw into the mix someone who didn’t RSVP – no, hang on, three people –  just rocking up on the day – well, of course, disaster will ensue.

‘Grandma and two aunties on the groom’s side declined their invitations to our wedding. No reason was given, just a flat no. So, we moved on and planned accordingly.

‘Then, on the morning of the wedding, they called me, saying they’d changed their minds and were on their way. Oh, and they expected accommodation to be arranged before they arrived. 

‘As if I wasn’t already juggling a million things on the most stressful day of my life, I had to find last-minute hotel rooms for three people who weren’t even supposed to be there because, apparently, RSVP deadlines are just suggestions in their world.’

So, if you’re in the throes of wedding planning, tearing your hair out over table plans and secretly googling ‘how much to elope?’, take solace in this: weddings are meant to be chaotic.

There will always be a rogue relative, an unexpected catering, decorating or infidelity drama (hopefully not yours), and a moment where you lock eyes with your partner and silently ask, ‘Why did we invite these people?’

But years from now, when the stress has faded, and all that’s left is a story you can dine out on, you’ll realise perfection is overrated and catastrophe is far more entertaining. Cheers to the bride and groom!

***
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk