A chance to find your 15 seconds of fame, an Instagram following you can spin into a cheap clothing deal and, perhaps, a soulmate to walk off into the sunset with — it’s no surprise so many young singletons are signing up to TV dating shows.
The real mystery is why, amid ever more controversial formats and tens of thousands of Ofcom complaints, we are all so addicted to watching them.
Because watching them we are, as evidenced by the ever-increasing number of reality shows promising to help young men and women find love. Last week, Married At First Sight, a show which sees total strangers walk down the aisle on the day they meet, began its sixth season on E4, in a revamp that takes inspiration from the wine-fuelled, bed-hopping Australian version that was a lockdown smash hit.
And on ITV2 last night, just two weeks after wrapping up Love Island, bosses sought to capitalise on their success with new show Ready To Mingle, in which a single woman has 12 men competing for her affections.
A chance to find your 15 seconds of fame, an Instagram following you can spin into a cheap clothing deal and, perhaps, a soulmate to walk off into the sunset with — it’s no surprise so many young singletons are signing up to TV dating shows
The trouble is that six of them have girlfriends who are advising them on how to manipulate her into falling for them so they can share the £50,000 prize money.
Just as Britain’s Got Talent was not about identifying Britons with talent and Real Housewives is not about the reality of being a housewife, such set-ups do not seem conducive to love or marriage. Yet still, hopeless romantics spend their evenings alone poring over every moment of them.
So why, an increasingly confused older generation asks, is this case? I believe a large part of it is that although today’s young people have grown up in a world which, thanks to smartphones and social media, is more interconnected than ever, we’ve never been further apart.
The easier it is to communicate at the push of a button, the harder it becomes to meet in the real world. For older generations, those looking to find love made eyes at each other from neighbouring tables at a coffee shop, joined clubs to meet people with similar interests or asked a stranger to dance at a disco.
Now? Well, what sort of weirdo makes eye contact with strangers, assuming they even look up from their phone long enough to catch anyone’s eye? Social media has replaced society. And no one expects to spot Mr Right across a crowded room.
As for the office romance, after years of natural decline, Covid has put paid to that. In my 20s, all my best relationships came from office encounters. Yet some young people may now never get to work in an office at all.
Just as Britain’s Got Talent was not about identifying Britons with talent and Real Housewives is not about the reality of being a housewife, such set-ups do not seem conducive to love or marriage
Admittedly, we may seem to have opportunities our parents didn’t. With the introduction of dating apps, we expected it would be easier to find love. But with the whole format based on judging people purely on looks and brief online interactions, in reality they just make us feel disposable as human beings. All the app dating I’ve done in my 30s has been pure misery. I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble, Happn and Hinge — and have only a succession of articles chronicling my disasters to show for it, plus inspiration for my book, Bad Romance, which chronicles the tales of single women.
Though it may not be very feminist to say you need to find a husband, many of us successful, single women want one anyway. So is it any surprise the premise of shows such as First Dates and Married At First Sight, where programme-makers employ experts to do the matchmaking many of us fail to do for ourselves, is so alluring?
The truth is, watching reality shows about dating is more fun than the reality of dating. ‘I watched the first two seasons of Love Island because the men I was dating were all watching it, and they were more into it than I was,’ explains one of my friends.
‘I’d go on dates and then go home and watch Love Island. Six years later, I no longer go on dates — I just watch Love Island.
‘Some of the behaviour you see just makes me think: “Yup, see, that’s why I don’t want to bother with men.” ’
Is it any surprise the premise of shows such as First Dates and Married At First Sight, where programme-makers employ experts to do the matchmaking many of us fail to do for ourselves, is so alluring?
Dr Zoe Strimpel, author of Seeking Love In Modern Britain: Gender, Dating And The Rise Of The Single, says reality dating is like a ‘Victorian freak show: we don’t participate but watch with popcorn to laugh at’. She adds: ‘All subtlety has been stripped away. Single people were already facing coldness, transactional hook-ups and all the other distortions caused by app culture.
So that sense of distance and self-consciousness was already there, priming us to binge on the sight of others trying and failing to find a connection.’
Yet still we’re fixated on the game of love — and if we can’t win a heart ourselves, then we may as well watch others try.
It’s true there can be joy in the experience of living vicariously. Yet I’m afraid for young people’s romantic futures if we don’t go back to looking for love ‘IRL’ (that’s In Real Life for non-Millennials) .
And what’s most disturbing is the idea that impressionable teens watching these shows will end up thinking these over-hyped, over-manipulated, image-obsessed encounters are what normal relationships are like. Our longing for romance hasn’t been snuffed out by dating apps — yet. But maybe it’s time we turned off reality TV and started seeking love for real.
- Bad Romance by Emily Hill is published by Unbound.
TREASURE ISLAND
Love Island, ITV Hub, seven seasons
Dreamed up in 2015, Love Island lures a bunch of buff singles to a holiday villa where they are filmed as they ‘couple up’ and try to convince the public they’re so in love they deserve £50,000 prize money.
It doesn’t always lead to happiness: two past contestants, and former presenter Caroline Flack, have taken their own lives.
ROMANCE RATING: 2½ — yes, there’s non-stop drama, but some relationships have gone the distance.
Dreamed up in 2015, Love Island lures a bunch of buff singles to a holiday villa where they are filmed as they ‘couple up’ and try to convince the public they’re so in love they deserve £50,000 prize money
DIRTY DOZEN JUST OUT FOR THE CASH
Ready To Mingle, Mondays at 9pm, ITV2
Last night comedian Katherine Ryan presented the first episode of a new reality show in which one woman hoping to find love meets 12 men who want her to pick them so they can win £50,000.
They all live together in an apartment in Devon, as the men fight for her affections.
The twist? Half the men aren’t actually single, and are being coached by their existing girlfriends, who are watching their exploits on camera, to win the prize money.
ROMANCE RATING: 0 — there’s nothing romantic about deceit.
Last night comedian Katherine Ryan presented the first episode of a new reality show in which one woman hoping to find love meets 12 men who want her to pick them so they can win £50,000
BED-HOPPING ALTAR EGOS
Married At First Sight, Mondays to Thursdays at 9pm on E4
A reality show that follows singles who agree to marry a stranger the moment they meet. The theory is that a team of experts can pick out two people who will be perfect partners.
Invented in Denmark in 2013, the show has been remade in more than 20 countries. The British version has led to one successful marriage, and one baby. In America, 13 couples stayed married over 12 seasons — a success rate of 30 per cent.
Yet the Australian version saw the format changed to give it a more dramatic twist. Though the couples marry in the first episode, they do not make a legal commitment, and rather than heading to separate marital homes all live in the same Sydney apartment complex, where they have weekly meetings to discuss how their relationships are going. This leads to many an explosive dinner party — and plenty of bed hopping. The new British series follows this template.
ROMANCE RATING: 3 out of 5 — but only due to the original non-wife-swapping format.
A reality show that follows singles who agree to marry a stranger the moment they meet. The theory is that a team of experts can pick out two people who will be perfect partners
THE BARE NECESSITIES
Naked Attraction, All 4, eight seasons
‘We start where a good date often ends — naked,’ claims the advert for this controversial dating series, which is presented by Anna Richardson.
Potential sex partners stand inside a box without any clothes on, hoping for their body to be picked by a complete stranger who may (of course) dismiss them on sight because they don’t like the look of their — ahem — toes. As each round goes on, another piece of the box is removed, and another possible love interest eliminated, until eventually a final decision is made on who will be going on a date.
The one who has done the selecting then strips off, too, and the pair choose whether they wish to be naked together. How sweet . . .
ROMANCE RATING: 1 — eliminating people on the basis of their naked body is depressing for love and humanity.
‘We start where a good date often ends — naked,’ claims the advert for this controversial dating series, which is presented by Anna Richardson
TEMPTATION IN PARADISE
Too Hot To Handle, Netflix, two seasons
Last year, Netflix sought to gain a slice of Love Island action with this international knock-off. The singles are all selected for their sizzling hot bods to meet and mingle in paradise. But to win the $100,000 grand prize, they mustn’t have sex with each other — and will lose money from their prize pot for every intimate interaction.
Do they manage to abstain? Take a wild guess . . .
ROMANCE RATING: 2 — the focus of this show is all about the physical. Cam and Emily from season two still seem very much in love, but Melinda and Marvin have gone their separate ways.
Last year, Netflix sought to gain a slice of Love Island action with this international knock-off. The singles are all selected for their sizzling hot bods to meet and mingle in paradise. But to win the $100,000 grand prize, they mustn’t have sex with each other — and will lose money from their prize pot for every intimate interaction
A REAL EYE-OPENER
Love Is Blind, Netflix, one season
Based on the original Blind Date format, 15 men and 15 women split into pairs and talk to each other in a pod separated by a wall. Those who feel a ‘connection’ skip straight to the honeymoon in Mexico. After that, the couples return to ‘reality’ and introduce each other to family and friends. If the relationship survives, they exchange vows and live happily after. Maybe.
ROMANCE RATING: 4 — we all hope love is blind . . . let’s keep the dream alive.
Based on the original Blind Date format, 15 men and 15 women split into pairs and talk to each other in a pod separated by a wall
FOOD OF LOVE
First Dates, All 4, 16 seasons
This fixes up those hoping to find love for a date at a restaurant. The old, unattractive and disabled are involved, too, creating the kind of life-affirming romance that those who’ve been defeated by Tinder crave. Expect back stories that will make you weep and proof that though finding a ‘spark’ is rare, it’s also real.
ROMANCE RATING: 5 — the clear winner, a dating show that gives hope to all would-be daters.
This fixes up those hoping to find love for a date at a restaurant. The old, unattractive and disabled are involved, too, creating the kind of life-affirming romance that those who’ve been defeated by Tinder crave
ALL YOU NEED IS A MASK
Sexy Beasts, Netflix, one season
This bizarre show, which combines the hidden identities of Blind Date and the bonkers costume choices of The Masked Singer, must be what dating on psychedelic drugs is like, as the heads of the singles taking part are transformed into weird creatures to mask their appearance. The costumes are spectacular, but when daters’ faces are revealed, they’re as good-looking as any contestant on Love Island — leaving many wondering what the point was.
ROMANCE RATING: 3 — in our image-obsessed world, it’s nice to think that you can fall in love based on personality alone.
This bizarre show, which combines the hidden identities of Blind Date and the bonkers costume choices of The Masked Singer, must be what dating on psychedelic drugs is like, as the heads of the singles taking part are transformed into weird creatures to mask their appearance