A woman who racked up £40,000 of debt after hitting ‘rock bottom’ has revealed how her diagnosis of ADHD transformed her life.
Roxanne Emery, 36, from Sevenoaks in Kent, said she grew up ‘feeling like a messy loser’ and finished her twenties ‘binge drinking, overspending and following toxic dating patterns.’
The song writer told FEMAIL it was her diagnosis with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder in 2020 that helped her to transform her life.
She is now a highly successful song writer having been featured in Rolling Stone magazine, and has been the brainchild behind some of the UK’s top 10 hits including Jonasu’s Black Magic and OUT OUT by Joel Corry and Jax Jones.
Meanwhile she also shares videos online about her struggles with ADHD with her boyfriend Richard Pink, 37.
She said that Richard has to remind her about a cleaning routine, and even tells her to change her sanitary products at times when she might otherwise forget.
Roxanne Emery, 36, from Sevenoaks in Kent, who racked up £40,000 of debt after hitting ‘rock bottom’ has revealed how her diagnosis of ADHD transformed her life
The song writer didn’t act like the ‘stereotypical ADHD poster child’ and was a high achiever in school, achieving grade 8 on the piano and clarinet.
She would also get top grades in exams – something people don’t often align with the condition.
However, Roxanne’s teenage room told a different story, one that many suffering with ADHD can relate to.
She said: ‘My teenage room was disgusting, and my mother was unwell with cancer – when I left school to go to university, I just fell apart having to do all these things for myself.
She said that her boyfriend Richard Pinks has become a key support in her life – and has to remind her about a cleaning routine, and even reminds her to change her sanitary products at times when she might otherwise forget
‘Basic things like washing and tidying, even making my own bed it was such a struggle.’
In early adulthood Roxanne dealt with binge drinking, overspending and toxic dating patterns, and found herself in a dark place.
She studied Philosophy, Politics and Economics at Warwick University, and went on to land a trader job at a top London investment bank with a five-figure salary.
In 2010, she began writing songs as a way to relieve stress of her high-flying career.
After she was signed to a record label at her third ever gig, she dropped out of her City job and became a full time performer.
The song writer didn’t act like the ‘stereotypical ADHD poster child’ and was a high achiever in school, achieving grade 8 on the piano and clarinet
However it wasn’t long before problems in her personal life quickly caught up with her.
She admitted: ‘I was at rock bottom and my self-esteem was in tatters as I approached 30.’
Roxanne said she was living in her cousin’s spare room ‘celibate and trying to get out of debt’ after a string of negative relationships.
She explained how she would often end up in the London basement flat, drinking alone, racking up £40K worth of debt by overspending.
However it wasn’t long before problems in her personal life quickly caught up with her and she felt she was ‘at rock bottom’ as she approached the age of 30
She said: ‘I just thought that I was a disgrace, I had no idea it was ADHD – I just felt like a messy loser.
‘The link between ADHD with trauma difficulty and addiction is complicated, nuanced and sad and it’s taken a lot of work to get where I am now.
‘Before I got diagnosed, I constantly had this feeling of messing up. Whether it was with housework, especially cleaning and just general life admin.’
However in 2020, she was introduced to her boyfriend Richard, and the couple quickly became a support system for one another.
By this stage, she was sober, and made it clear to him that the pair couldn’t drink together.
At first, Richard would get frustrated with Roxanne’s lack of cleaning and attention to household management – a task he often had to approach with caution
Meanwhile Richard was facing his own demons, and was fighting a gambling addiction, attending Gambler’s Anonymous meetings.
Despite the pair describing themselves as ‘two addictive personalities’ their relationship has flourished, and through sobriety they both discovered how to channel their energies to create success together.
She said: ‘Now in a healthy relationship, I’ve learned that so much of it is about communication – and Richard knows little things, like he can’t approach me about finances when I’m on my phone.’
They quickly moved in with one another and faced new challenges in adjusting to life.
At first, Richard would get frustrated with Roxanne’s lack of cleaning and attention to household management – a task he often had to approach with caution.
He said he felt she was ‘taking the p***’ with her messy living habits.
She decided to seek help – and was given the ADHD diagnosis by a doctor.
Roxanne said she struggled when confronted by Richard about her habits, saying: ‘At first I would react defensively, but I’ve learned that sometimes I’ve got to put the phone down, or help a little more round the house.
‘I don’t want to use ADHD as an excuse.
‘It’s about self-compassion a lot of the time.
‘I am going to lose things, I’ve lost my wallet eight times this year alone and my iPhone headphones six times.
‘Now I take a deep breath and acknowledge that it’s the ADHD, and things have really improved from trying and making that effort.’
Richard said he now tries to take into account Roxanne’s ADHD when considering her behaviour.
He explained: ‘We’ve got a system in place now.
‘It took a lot of listening and understanding from me and I think that’s really important.
‘Just things like she won’t text me all day because she’s focused at work, it’s not that she doesn’t care about me – it’s just that object constancy out of sight out of mind, it happens with ADHD.
‘I had to be vulnerable and come to terms with these things.’
Meanwhile Roxanne said her boyfriend’s helpful reminders and support have become an absolute essential in her life.
She said: ‘He often asks me if I’ve remembered to put a tampon in, it seems silly, but sometimes I just forget or end up using toilet tissue. It’s little things like that.’
Last year, the couple launched their Instagram page @_adhd_love, which they hope will help raise awareness about the condition and demystify what it’s like to live with a person who has ADHD.
Clips show Richard approaching Roxanne with the electricity bills, or buying her materials for crafting projects, only to find she has lost all motivation in it.
However they now regularly share videos together about Roxanne’s battle with ADHD, and have amassed a large following online
Some people online have accused the couple of ‘only showing the nice side’ of ADHD, but Roxanne explained she deals with the critics in her own way.
She said: ‘I feel compassion for those people a lot of them say, “You’re making it look fun” or “This disorder has ruined my life”.
‘I get where they are coming from – I’ve experienced the sadness and pain that comes with it too.
‘But if someone is abusive, we just block them and move on.’
With a flourishing successful career as online influencers alongside their day jobs, the couple have now found a way to educate people on the disorder as it manifests in adults and Roxanne has focused on her passion, singing
With a flourishing successful career as online influencers alongside their day jobs, the couple have now found a way to educate people on the disorder as it manifests in adults and Roxanne has focused on her passion, singing.
She said: ‘I needed sobriety to sing, and I’ve now got back into it.
‘It’s something I let go of in my younger years.
‘I see being neurodivergent as a beautiful gift, and I’ve used all that lyrical – chaotic energy in my song writing.’
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