The BEST takeaway coffees in Australia: Dad ranks brews from best to worst – and places unlikely budget option in top spot
- A father has ranked the most popular takeaway coffees in his ‘definitive’ list
- Bruno Bouchet, from Sydney, ranked 14 hot beverages from best to worst
- The managing producer named Starbucks as the best and Pie Face as ‘cat vomit’
- He ordered long blacks from cafes, petrol stations and fast food chains for weeks
A father has ranked the most popular takeaway coffees in a ‘definitive’ list.
Bruno Bouchet, from Sydney, included 14 hot beverages in what he believes to be the ultimate ranking – naming Starbucks as number one and Pie Face as ‘cat vomit’.
The self-proclaimed ‘List King’ and former Kyle & Jackie O radio show producer said he spent ‘weeks’ ordering long blacks from cafes, petrol stations, convenience stores and fast food chains for his ‘research’.
A Sydney father has ranked the most popular takeaway coffees in his ‘definitive’ list
Controversially, the managing director crowned Starbucks and 7-Eleven.
‘To their credit, Starbucks repeatedly nailed the best long black of all the takeaway coffee joints. I know Australians love to rip on Starbucks, but I have to be honest when I do these lists… they killed it,’ he said.
Mr Bouchet said one of the best things about 7-Eleven coffee was the very affordable $1 price tag and the beverage’s ‘consistency’.
‘It’s the best thing on earth you can get for a buck. I went there several times in the past month and it was consistently one of the best long blacks I’d ever had. I know it’d look cool if I was a snob who didn’t dig it but I have to be real: it’s great,’ he said.
‘I’d take a bullet for 7-Eleven coffee. Whenever I get one, there’s a special “hell yeah we know what’s up” look that all the people at the machine give one another.’
In the Royalty Tier, Mr Bouchet picked Coffee Club, Wendy’s and Gloria Jean’s.
Bruno Bouchet (pictured), from Sydney, said he spent ‘weeks’ ordering long blacks from cafes, petrol stations and fast food chains for his ‘research’
In the centre of his rankings, Bruno put McCafe, Jamaica’s Blue and Donut King in the ‘Adam Sandler tier’, or what he describes as ‘take it or leave it’ category.
‘McDonald’s to be fair, I worked for a few months at McCafe… so I feel like I’m a very, very strong authority on this,’ Mr Bouchet said.
‘Looking back at my notes, the most expensive (oddly enough) was Donut King at $4.50… and it didn’t come with a free doughnut.’
For the second last Tier, titled ‘Pleb’, he named Soul Origin, Michel’s Patisserie and BP.
And lastly, Mr Bouchet said Pie Face belonged in the ‘Cat Vomit Tier’, along with Caltex and Shell.
While many agreed with his list, others were furious to see Starbucks and 7-Eleven leading the pack.
‘This list is 100 per cent accurate. Every single coffee below the 7-Eleven coffee tastes like an old woman has crawled in the machine and let loose on her diarrhea,’ Gordie said.
‘You really have gone out of your way to upset me again. Now I think you have an agenda against me. This list needs to be revised TOUT SUITE [right now],’ Project IV said.
‘I’m usually a big supporter of your lists… But this entire list should be under the vomit tier,’ Mason said.
Angela said: ‘Starbucks coffee is not God Tier. 7-Eleven Yes. Good coffee for an unbelievably cheap price.’
And Joe said: ‘I’d have to disagree with you on. The 7-Eleven one would be a vomit tier for me. Outta all of them I’d take the Gloria Jeans to be my number one.’