It’s like this season’s trend has shattered my whole fashion belief system in one fell swoop.
First, the maxim that says, ‘If you buy a winter coat, make sure it’s a classic investment that you can wear year in, year out.’
And the second, more important, one is: ‘Never buy anything that makes you look fat.’
But designers from Balenciaga to Prada, Diane von Furstenberg to Topshop Unique are determined to make feathers and teddy-bear fabric fashionable again, all dyed in the brightest of hues to let everyone know that the fur is faux.
But even if the autumn/winter designs are making a Muppet of us all – as these pictures show – look on the fluorescent side: at least you’ll be warm…
Jourdan Dunn is Telly Monster: The model’s wearing her own £250 design in collaboration with label Missguided. Which is one way of describing this look, resembling a Sesame Street resident
Rita Ora is Boober Fraggle: The pop star’s doppelganger worries about doom and gloom. Rita Ora is clearly only concerned with catching the lens of the paparazzi in this £1,745 Mui Mui coat
Mollie King is Camilla Chicken: The Saturdays star looks more like a Sunday roast in one of her favourite jackets. Now she’ll be hoping to be high in the pecking order on Strictly, not told to get stuffed…
Lara Stone is Big Bird: It would be cruel to call the model a big bird, but she certainly looks like the outsized canary in this £1,590 Mui Mui fake-feather number.
Tallia Storm is Oscar the Grouch: Oscar may live in a trash can, but pop singer and Brooklyn Beckham’s ex Tallia has her eye on a penthouse in this £1,374 vivid green faux fox fur jacket by Hafnium
Lena Dunham is Cookie Monster: This £499 faux fur Diane von Furstenberg jacket certainly does take the biscuit… which is apt given the Girls star’s resemblance to the most voracious of all Muppets
Julie Hoomans is Fozzie Bear: This orange wheaten terrier coat modelled on the catwalk for Topshop Unique is as outrageous as Fozzie Bear’s terrible jokes. Wocka! Wocka! Wocka!
Hermione Corfield is Sam the Eagle: The Halcyon actress is a bold eagle in this Erdem Marabou feather jacket, priced around £3,500. But she needs Cara Delevingne’s eyebrows to really mimic Sam
Kendall Jenner is Elmo: Elmo is my favourite Sesame Street character: a bright red toddler, with a falsetto voice who is always smiling. Kendall – here in a £5,760 Zeynep Arcay faux fur jacket – needs to grow up and cheer up
PS Look At Moi! Miss Piggy might be far from a size zero, but, understandably, she knows how to rock the Muppet look. Here she models Mui Mui – or should that be Moi Moi given her catchphrase? – as she upstages Adwoa Aboah, left, and Doutzen Kroes