Inside Dubai: Playground Of The Rich (BBC2)

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Warship: Life At Sea (C5)

Rating:

Take a ride in this plush platinum white Rolls-Royce with its exclusive two-digit number plate.

Drool at the walk-in wardrobe stacked with £4 million in shoes and handbags. And please do not bump into the 24-carat gold, diamond-studded, radioactive elephant in the middle of the room.

Inside Dubai: Playground Of The Rich (BBC2) kidded itself we were getting a sly and knowing peek at the obscenely wealthy lifestyles of the super-spoilt emirate expats.

Director Philip McCreery contrasted the posturing of witless Instagram poolside posers with the minimum wage existence of their Filipino servants who scrimp for used clothes in thrift shops.

But he failed to confront the chilling allegations of kidnap and coercive control against Dubai’s autocratic ruler, Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum — who is simultaneously prime minister, vice-president, minister of defence and, in the eyes of everyone who lives there, Dubai’s king.

Director Philip McCreery contrasted the posturing of witless Instagram poolside posers with the minimum wage existence of their Filipino servants who scrimp for used clothes in thrift shops

Director Philip McCreery contrasted the posturing of witless Instagram poolside posers with the minimum wage existence of their Filipino servants who scrimp for used clothes in thrift shops

Director Philip McCreery contrasted the posturing of witless Instagram poolside posers with the minimum wage existence of their Filipino servants who scrimp for used clothes in thrift shops

‘Criticism is forbidden,’ commented Will Mellor’s voiceover. This documentary certainly did not dare.

One interviewee, Gaynor Scott — wife of 75-year-old Channel Islands entrepreneur Tom Scott — was encouraged to make a fool of herself, burbling about how marvellous the Sheikh was and showing off the painting of him in her Emirate Hills home.

But Gaynor was oblivious to all propriety. Pointing out her neighbours’ houses on their gated estate, with its manmade ponds set in the desert sand, she remarked happily: ‘This one here on the corner belongs to the Mugabe family.’

She meant tyrannical thug Robert Mugabe, former dictator of Zimbabwe, who died in 2019. ‘They do amazing parties actually on New Year’s Eve,’ said Gaynor.

Most of those flaunting their cars, their handbags, their wine racks and their private jets for the camera had more sense than to mention a word about the Sheikh.

There was no reference to the order by a British court that the Sheikh must pay a divorce settlement to his ex-wife Princess Haya, expected to exceed £500 million.

Inside Dubai: Playground Of The Rich (BBC2) kidded itself we were getting a sly and knowing peek at the obscenely wealthy lifestyles of the super-spoilt emirate expats

Inside Dubai: Playground Of The Rich (BBC2) kidded itself we were getting a sly and knowing peek at the obscenely wealthy lifestyles of the super-spoilt emirate expats

Inside Dubai: Playground Of The Rich (BBC2) kidded itself we were getting a sly and knowing peek at the obscenely wealthy lifestyles of the super-spoilt emirate expats

Nor were court findings that, on the balance of probabilities, he orchestrated the abduction of two of his children, Princess Shamsa (snatched off the street in Cambridge in 2000) and Princess Latifa (taken prisoner in 2018 as she tried to escape Dubai). Any documentary that fails to explain these charges is fundamentally flawed and has no claim to serious intent.

At best, it’s gaudy flim-flam. At worst, it is an advert for a corrupt state. No amount of gold-infused hand cream in the bathrooms of the Atlantis hotel can wash away that taint.

Luxury was in short supply on HMS Northumberland, the Navy frigate deployed to the Arctic Circle to counter a Russian threat in Warship: Life At Sea (C5).

Luxury was in short supply on HMS Northumberland, the Navy frigate deployed to the Arctic Circle to counter a Russian threat in Warship: Life At Sea (C5).

Luxury was in short supply on HMS Northumberland, the Navy frigate deployed to the Arctic Circle to counter a Russian threat in Warship: Life At Sea (C5).

Luxury was in short supply on HMS Northumberland, the Navy frigate deployed to the Arctic Circle to counter a Russian threat in Warship: Life At Sea (C5).

The bunk beds were narrow letterboxes. First-time sailor Sahil, 20, slotted himself onto his mattress like a teaspoon in a cutlery drawer. ‘Hope I don’t fall off,’ he said. I would be more worried about never getting out of there again.

The series, though carefully edited to give nothing away to pique the interest of foreign observers, conveys a vivid and entertaining view of life on board.

We saw the whole ship’s company, including Captain Tom Hobbs, lining up for a random drugs test.

Two of the matelots failed, with traces of cocaine in their blood, and faced instant dismissal.

One of them sported a ‘Los Pollos Hermanos’ sticker on his helmet. If Captain Hobbs watched more TV, he might have spotted that giveaway clue . . . it was the brand of drugs baron Gus Fring in Breaking Bad.

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