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Craig Brown conjugates the moral maze of human behaviour

MALE

I am a silver fox. You never give up. He is a dirty old man.

I was affectionate. You were touchy-feely. He was a sex pest. 

I extended the hand of friendship. You were all hands. He groped. 

My remarks were taken out of context. Your remarks were inappropriate. His remarks were unforgivable.  

I misread the signs. You ignored the signs. He should resign.

I distanced myself. You ran for the door. He evaded arrest.

I appreciate intimate French cinema. You like erotica. He is a porn addict.

I couldn’t help but notice. You watched. He ogled.

I am broad-minded. You are kinky. He is a pervert.

I extended the hand of friendship. You were all hands. He groped. My remarks were taken out of context. Your remarks were inappropriate. His remarks were unforgivable.

I lent a hand. You lent both hands. His hands were everywhere.

My behaviour was unguarded. Your behaviour was risqué. His behaviour was wholly unacceptable.

I let my heart rule my head. You had a moment of madness. He is Henry Bolton.

I gaze. You gawp. He leers.

I am a Casanova. You are a lothario. He is a predator.

I was brought up in a different era. You failed to keep up with the times. He is a dinosaur.

I went to a charity fund-raiser. You went to a charity knees-up. He went to a sexist bacchanalian orgy that should have no place in 21st society.

I had a flirtation. You had a fling. He cheated on his wife.

FEMALE

I believe in girl power. You believe in taking control of your own sexuality. She wears leather hot pants and a bustier.

I let my hair down. You let yourself down. She let her pants down.

I have been enhanced. You have been augmented. She’s had a boob job.

I am a supermodel. You are a model. She is a glamour model.

I had one or two. You had one too many. She was lying face down in the street at 3.30am with a suggestive balloon in one hand and an empty bottle of vodka in the other.

I offered a brave account. You told your side of the story. She did a kiss ’n’ tell. I sent fun texts. You sent sexy texts. She sent shameless texts.

I offered a brave account. You told your side of the story. She did a kiss ’n’ tell. I sent fun texts. You sent sexy texts. She sent shameless texts.

I am straight-talking. You use fruity language. She is a potty-mouth.

I got a bit hot. You stripped off. She left nothing to the imagination..

I had a bit of fun. You went a bit wild. I wonder what she felt like this morning?

I am a liberated woman. You are forward. She is tarty.

I offered a brave account. You told your side of the story. She did a kiss ’n’ tell.

I sent fun texts. You sent sexy texts. She sent shameless texts.

My top was lacy. Your top was racy. Did you see what she was wearing? 



Read more at DailyMail.co.uk


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