Dating expert: What men and women say versus what they REALLY mean

One of Australia’s leading relationship coaches has launched a fascinating new ‘dating dictionary‘ comparing what men and women say with what they truly mean. 

After more than two decades in the industry, Louanne Ward, from Perth, has seen time and time again that what a love interest says and what they believe are often two totally different things.

‘If their words and actions aren’t lining up this could be why, modern dating is a modern minefield,’ she said. 

‘From “we need to take a break” to the classic “it’s not you, it’s me”, they begin hitting you with the classic dating one-liners. But what do they truly mean? Use this dictionary as a guide to decode their words.’ 

1. ‘I’m not looking for a relationship right now’ 

‘I want to keep my options open OR I’ve been hurt in the past and want to avoid it.’

2. ‘I’m fine’

‘I’m not okay, the s**t t is about to hit the fan.’

3. ‘I don’t want to ruin our friendship’

‘There is no chance I am ever going to be with you.’

4. ‘Sorry I haven’t called, I’ve just been so swamped’

‘You are low on my list of priorities, I’ll call when I have nothing better to do.’

5. ‘Do whatever you want, I don’t mind’

‘I’d  much rather you do what I want. But I am testing you to see if you ignore what I want.’ 

WHAT THEY SAY: ‘You’re everything I want, I’m just damaged’ WHAT THEY MEAN: ‘I’m not prepared to work through my past traumas to be with you’

6. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ 

‘It’s actually you, not me. I’m just trying to make you feel better.  

7. ‘I’m not sure what my plans are right now. Can I let you know?’

‘I’ll wait until the last minute and see if something better comes up.’

8. ‘You’re everything I want, I’m just damaged’ 

‘I’m not prepared to work through my past traumas to be with you.’ 

9. ‘Sorry I haven’t been in touch, I have a lot going on right now’

‘My needs are more important than your feelings.’ 

WHAT THEY SAY: ‘I’m too old for this s**t’ WHAT THEY MEAN: ‘I’m avoiding responsibility for my past relationship breakdowns and use my age as an excuse’

10. ‘I’m not usually a jealous person’

‘I feel insecure around you and have trust issues.’ 

11. ‘I just don’t want any drama’

‘Drama follows me wherever I go.’ 

12. ‘I don’t need a man but I would like to have one’

‘I don’t want to make room in my life and I’m too scared to admit I am lonely.’ 

13. ‘I need to work on myself right now’

‘I’d rather be on my own than try with you.’ 

14. ‘I’m too old for this s**t’

‘I’m avoiding responsibility for my past relationship breakdowns and use my age as an excuse.’ 

Dating App Dictionary: What people say online vs. what they mean  

‘Sorry for the late reply I am terrible at dating apps’

‘I am not serious about meeting someone. It’s a game to me.’ 

‘I’ll message you later in the week to make a plan’

‘I am keeping my options open in case something better comes up.’ 

‘I’m new here and don’t really know how everything works’

‘I expect you to teach me and make allowances for my ignorance.’ 

‘I just like to know someone before meeting them in person’

‘I am going to analyse everything you say and make judgements before I even meet you.’ 

‘I didn’t mean to ghost you, life has been really crazy’

‘It’s all about me, you’re feelings are not important.’ 

WHAT THEY SAY: ‘It’s nice to finally match with someone normal’ WHAT THEY MEAN: ‘I think I am better than other people’

‘I don’t like talking on the phone I prefer to communicate via text’

‘I am hiding something.’ 

‘Are you communicating with anyone else? You are the only person I am talking to’

‘I am needy and have unrealistic expectations.’ 

‘It’s nice to finally match with someone normal’ 

‘I think I am better than other people.’