A defiant mother has rejected parenting experts’ claims that her own behaviour is behind her eight-year-old daughter’s violent tantrums.
Lacey’s daughter Rayne, who has ADHD, would run riot around the home they share with Lacey’s partner and her other two children, slapping and kicking her mother and frequently calling her a ‘fat b****’.
The family featured on an episode of Channel 5’s Violent Child, Desperate Parents, which saw Lacey, 36, from Romford in London, losing her temper with Rayne, screaming at her daughter and attempting to drag her upstairs by her clothes when she refused to go to bed.
Child psychologist Laverne Antrobus, warned Lacey that her own anger could be encouraging her daughter’s bad behaviour, after witnessing the harassed mother losing her temper while trying to get her daughter to behave.
Eight-year-old Rayne would kick, slap and swear at her mother when she refused to go to bed, while her mother insisted she was already showing restraint in the way she disciplined her
Laverne urged Lacey to react calmly when her little girl had a temper tantrums, but the defiant mother insisted she was already showing restraint in the way she disciplined her child.
Viewers saw how Rayne would wreak havoc at the family home each night between 7pm and 9pm, refusing to comply with her mother’s instructions to go to bed.
Cameras followed her running around her house in a bid to escape Lacey’s clutches, then kicking and slapping her mother when she was caught.
In one shocking scene, Rayne tried to run out of her house and into the street, before Lacey picked up and dragged her back inside.
Rayne would also scream at her mother, demanding she be read bedtime stories and insisting that she wouldn’t go to sleep.
Lacey would often call her boyfriend when she lost control of her temper, who would lift Rayne up and carry her upstairs
Rayne said she doesn’t like herself when she’s angry, telling child psychologist Laverne Antrobus she ‘hates’ herself when she goes into a rage
Laverne told Lacey that she needs to control her temper when Rayne is angry because she makes the tantrums escalate
Lacey, 36, from Romford, London, called in expert help when she could no longer deal with her daugher Rayne’s temper tantrums
She would call her mother a ‘fat b****’ and tell her she wanted to hurt her.
Lacey explained on the show: ‘Everything is an absolute battle, Rayne wants to be in control of everything. If you try and demand Rayne does something then she will kick off.’
At the time Lacey sought help from the team she had already been on a parenting course, asked Rayne’s school for advice and met with behavioural experts.
She said her only respite comes every other weekend, when Rayne stays with her father, and admitted she often dreads her daughter returning home.
Rayne was diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed medication, but Lacey stopped her taking it because she felt it made Rayne act like a ‘zombie’.
Instead, she relied on shouting at Rayne to try to keep her in line, but when the little girl got more naughty, Lacey’s voice got louder and more aggressive.
Laverne said it was Lacey’s anger that was escalating Rayne’s tantrums, and told her she must stay calm to keep control of the situation.
She said: ‘What I see is them both locked in this battle, you know, fury meets fury, rage meets rage.’
But Lacey rejected suggestions that she was reacting badly to Rayne’s behaviour, insisting it was how most parents would behave in a similar situation.
She explained: ‘She makes me angry but I don’t have a level of losing control. I am already scaled back because I could have outbursts like that every day.’
Lacey had taken Rayne off her ADHD medication because it made her act like a ‘zombie’
Rayne said her bedtime was her ‘worst nightmare’ and refused to talk about it with the psychologist
When the pair went to the park the little girl refused to leave and Lacey dragged her home
When psychologist Laverne spoke to the youngster, she discovered that the little girl’s anger really upset her, and she didn’t like the person she became during her rages.
Rayne said: ‘I hate myself sometimes, not all the time, sometimes. I want to hurt Mummy and I don’t like myself, I just make myself frustrated sometimes.’
She told Laverne that bed time was her ‘worst nightmare’, and sometimes all she wanted from her mother during her tantrums is a hug.
So Laverne set them a new bedtime routine, which involved Lacey playing with Rayne for 20 minutes each evening, before bathing her and reading a bedtime story.
That evening Rayne was able to go to sleep on time, but the next night she was back to having temper tantrums.
Lacey had already asked Rayne’s school for help and been on a parenting course when she contacted the show
Laverne gave them a different bedtime routine to see if they could act more calmly, which involved a bedtime story every night
They also went away for the night, but Rayne quickly returned to her nightly temper tantrums
Rayne’s behaviour began to improve as she had a much calmer evening routine
Lacey was also told to spend 20 minutes of an evening playing with Rayne and doing what she wants to do
Laverne took the mother and daughter duo for a night away in a hotel and a game of bowling, which started well but ended in tears when Rayne lost her temper over losing the game.
As she stomped around the bowling alley, Laverne told Lacey that as Rayne has ADHD she is unpredictable, and the same parenting methods won’t always work for her.
On another occasion, the family enjoyed some time at the park, but Lacey ended up dragging Rayne back home when she refused to leave.
But later the duo ended up playing together and had a bedtime free from tantrums.
By the end of the documentary Rayne was throwing fewer tantrums, and Laverne had convinced Lacey to try the medication again if Rayne reverted back to her old behaviour.
Violent Child, Desperate Parents airs on Wednesdays at 9PM on Channel 5