If you’re lacking in confidence in the bedroom, you’re not alone.
Millions of adults consider the thought of engaging in a passionate night beneath the sheets as daunting.
Divorces, deaths and break-ups can take their toll and leave both men and women emotionally puzzled and sexually anxious.
But here a sexologist, Dr Valeria Chuba, from Massachussetts, has revealed her five best tips to overcome sexual unease.
In a piece for NetDoctor, she explained the keys to being confident in the bedroom revolve around communication and a sense of humour.
Millions of adults consider the thought of engaging in a passionate night beneath the sheets as daunting. But here a sexologist has revealed her five best tips to overcome sexual anxiety
1. HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR
Laughing has repeatedly been proven to be good for your brain, by slashing levels of stress hormones and boosting the immune system.
And now Dr Chuba, a member of the American College of Sexologists, claims it’s good for your sex life.
Having a sense of humour is considered critical to boosting your sexual confidence, she claims.
She told NetDoctor how engaging in steamy sessions can be complicated and even intimidating – for both you and your partner.
But by finding humour in the smallest things, such as bizarre noises, could help to overcome any feelings of unease. This, she said, would boost your sex life.
2. COMMUNICATION IS CRITICAL
It is, perhaps, the most dished out advice.
But communication really is critical – when it comes to sex, according to Dr Chuba, who qualified from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
Speaking about what’s really on your mind, and listening to your partner, can paint you as a ‘generous and thoughtful lover’.
She told NetDoctor: ‘There are few things more attractive in a lover than the confidence to speak up about his or her needs and desires, and the ability to listen to his or her partner.
‘Speaking up improves your chances of getting what you want from your sexual relationship; and being accepting of your partner will make him or her feel special and appreciated.’
Dr Chuba added: ‘Good communication is a big part of any successful sexual relationship.’
Communication really is critical – when it comes to sex, according to Dr Chuba, who qualified from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (stock)
3. PLEASURE NOT PERFORMANCE
Fretting about how well you will perform in bed will only ruin your sex life.
Instead, focusing on pleasure allows your to come across as someone who is more ’empowered and confident’, Dr Chuba claims.
The mindset of stressing only about performance is common in those who have just left long-term relationships.
But this ‘keeps us caught up in our heads and disconnected both from our bodies and pleasure’, Dr Chuba told NetDoctor.
‘Whenever you feel yourself getting caught up in performance pressure, focus instead on your body sensations.
‘Breathe deeply and if need be, slow down. Pay attention to how things feel as opposed to how perfect you appear to be.’
4. LEARN FROM THE PAST
It’s likely there is something memorable about your sex life with your ex, whether it was a certain position or a .
But addressing what worked for you, and what didn’t, allows you to hit the ground running with your new lover.
Dr Chuba, also a member of the World Association of Sex Coaches, told NetDoctor: ‘Now is the perfect time to look back at your past sexual experiences.’
She advises recalling any sexual experiences that worked well with your former flames, and telling your new lover.
‘Getting clarity around your needs and boundaries will help you start a new sexual relationship in a more proactive way,’ Dr Chuba said.
5. KNOW WHAT WORKS FOR YOU
It’s the perfect excuse for some alone time.
Dr Chuba claims masturbation allows you to achieve the perfect understanding of what does it for you sexually.
And implementing this knowledge into your sex-life could boost your confidence and spur on better orgasms.
‘As a sexologist, I often tell my clients that masturbation is the foundation for partner sex’ Dr Chuba told NetDoctor.
‘The more you know about what turns you on and helps you experience pleasure and orgasm, the better you’ll be able to share these things with your partner, leading to a more positive intimate experience.’