Genevieve Mora (pictured) developed an OCD, which eventually led to anorexia
A 22-year-old woman who suffered mental health issues has opened up about how she became convinced she was going to die if she didn’t turn the door knob four times.
Genevieve Mora, from New Zealand’s Auckland, revealed how her obsessive compulsive disorder eventually led to a devastating eating disorder from the tender age of 14.
Speaking to Daily Mail Australia, the young woman spoke candidly about her struggles with her anorexia after she developed an obsession with doing unnecessary things four times.
‘I had a fear of odd numbers,’ she said.
‘It’s hard to explain but my mind would tell me to do something like touch a doorknob and until I had done it “properly” or until it felt “complete” I would have to continue.
‘My OCD convinced me that by not listening to it, by not turning the door knob four times, I or someone I love would die.
‘It’s how the disorder works because of that, the easiest thing to do was to give in to the compulsion. It would decrease my anxiety for about a second until my OCD would move onto the next instruction.
‘I know it sounds crazy but it is so real and until you experience the feeling, its hard to understand.’
The young woman, from New Zealand, said she became convinced she was going to die if she didn’t turn the door knob four times
At her lightest, she tipped the scales at just 48 kilograms after restricting her diet by avoiding food – a ‘control’ she felt for the first time in years
In January 2010, she was able to turn her life around after being admitted to hospital
Growing up, Genevieve said she had the best upbringing because she was surrounded by loving parents and friends.
‘I had a great childhood. My parents and family are incredibly loving and supportive, they always have been,’ she said.
‘I definitely didn’t lack a support network that’s for sure and I feel extremely lucky for it as I know that isn’t the case for everyone. I was very social, danced, played lots of sports until I was 10 – that was when my issues began.’
At her lightest, she tipped the scales at just 48 kilograms after restricting her diet by avoiding food – a ‘control’ she felt for the first time in years.
‘Not eating gave me some feeling over power, I felt in control something that I hadn’t felt in years,’ she said.
‘Each meal I skipped, or every bite I didn’t take made me feel worthy. I avoided a lot of foods. My lists of things I would and wouldn’t eat became smaller and smaller to the point that anything was scary.
‘My mind had full control. I would refuse to eat, hide food. Anything to get the “good job” from my eating disorder.
‘My family knew there was an issue from the beginning and they tried everything they could to help me.
‘But eating disorders make you very secretive. I made excuses as to why I wasn’t eating and would often exercise in private so they wouldn’t see.’
Growing up, Genevieve said she had the best upbringing because she was surrounded by loving parents and friends – but her life started to crumble when she developed an OCD
Far from getting better, her health began to spiral out of control when she fell into the grips of the eating disorder
At the age of 10, she recalled the harrowing moment she developed a fear of dying – a problem that became so severe, she’d refused to leave her family home.
‘I clearly remember walking into the kitchen one night. The news was on while dad was cooking dinner and I got a glimpse of a story about a murder,’ she recalled.
‘That was the moment where I felt like my world flipped. From that night I was unable to sleep alone, when I finally got to sleep I would wake up screaming.
‘I was convinced someone was trying to kill me. That’s a scary thought for anyone. Especially a vulnerable 10-year-old.
‘I also had a couple of neighbours that were getting themselves into trouble with the police and I was terrified of them. I wouldn’t leave the house without an adult and it often took me a while to get up the courage to walk out my front door.’
Genevieve said she had the best upbringing because she was surrounded by a loving family
Far from getting better, her health began to spiral out of control when she fell into the grips of the eating disorder
Far from getting better, her health began to spiral out of control when she fell into the grips of the eating disorder.
‘My eating disorder was a result of feeling a lack of control,’ Genevieve said.
‘From 10 years old I was completely lost, so being able to successfully do something – in this case control what I ate, when I ate and how much I ate – gave me a feeling of power that I was lacking.
‘I was lucky to not have social media back then and I say lucky because I believe it contributes to a lot of issues these days.
‘Its not often you see a picture of someone crying saying something like “my day was so c***. I am so over this”. The perception of perfection is dangerous.’
Her breaking point was when she was admitted to hospital in January 2010.
‘I was “lucky” to be sick enough to be admitted directly into hospital where I spent three months on my first admission,’ she said.
‘I say lucky because we lack ED facilities and unless you’re deemed too unwell to function then there are waitlists that can go on forever.
‘I was also very open about how much I was struggling to my team and nurses which I think made a difference as they were able to plan properly knowing how I was truly feeling.’
By sharing her story, Genevieve said she wants other sufferers to draw hope from her experience
Genevieve has teamed up with her friend Jazz Thornton to launch their campaign Voices of Hope in an effort to change the stigma surrounding mental health issues (pictured together)
As she continues on the road to recovery, Genevieve said she feels much happier with her life now
She underwent ‘intense treatment’ for the next two years – where she was admitted to the general Paediatric eating disorder ward and the child psychiatric ward.
‘I was lucky to have a supportive family,’ she said.
‘I met a psychologist in the psych ward who worked with me daily and continued to when I was discharged. Managing my anxiety took years.
‘I learnt new techniques and learn to sit with it and ride it through. It was not easy and I’d be lying if I said anxiety isn’t something I struggle with today.
‘I still do but I control it instead of it controlling me like it used to.’
As she continues on the road to recovery, Genevieve said she feels much happier with her life now.
‘Its been a long journey however for the last few years I have been the happiest and healthiest I have ever been,’ she said.
‘I have learned to love myself for who I am. Looking back at photos from that time reminds me how far I’d come.
‘I’m proud to be where I am today. At the time I didn’t realise how sick I was but when I see photos of myself, I feel as if I’m looking at someone else’s life not my own.’
Genevieve revealed how she found the strength to open up about her mental health issues
Now she leads a healthier lifestyle where she follows a balanced diet.
‘My mind no longer has control about what I can and can’t put in my mouth. I eat what I feel like and always eat when I’m hungry,’ she said.
‘It’s an amazing feeling to be able to enjoy things like pizza and chocolate again. Things that I avoided and was terrified for so long.
‘I workout because I enjoy it but it also keeps me mentally sane. There is a huge difference though. I work out for the enjoyment, the fitness and the feeling as apposed to doing it to burn calories and lose weight.
‘I can skip a day, a week at the gym and be okay with it. I know workout because I want to not because I have too.’
Genevieve said she had the best upbringing because she was surrounded by a loving family
By sharing her story, Genevieve said she wants other sufferers to draw hope from her experience – and how she was able to turn her life around.
‘An eating disorder is an extremely tough battle. Take anorexia for example. Your medicine (food) is the thing you’ve been trying so hard to avoid. Each mouthful is painful but each mouthful gets you towards a life of freedom.
‘I was certain I would have an eating disorder forever. I could not imagine ever eating a meal and not obsessing over the calories but I promise you will. Just keep fighting.
‘Take it one bite at a time. Remind why you want to recover and set achievable goals. Remember you are not your eating disorder. It will not define you.
The voice inside your head is not your friend. It may seem like it but she’s there to ruin you and fighting her noise is so important. For every bad thing she calls you, try and replace it with something positive.
‘Be open, be honest and let people know you’re struggling. A life of freedom awaits you.
Genevieve has teamed up with her friend Jazz Thornton to launch their campaign Voices of Hope in an effort to change the stigma surrounding mental health issues (pictured together)
Genevieve has teamed up with her friend Jazz Thornton to launch their campaign Voices of Hope in an effort to change the stigma surrounding mental health issues.
‘From my experience of suffering mental illness I have started an organisation supporting those who are also struggling with my wonderful friend Jazz,’ she said.
‘Sharing my story is something I have struggled with as I felt a sense of shame – but as of recently I finally feIt ready to be open and honest.
‘Both Jazz and I felt a strong need to use our experiences to help people. We could have easily sat back and left it in our past but we know firsthand what its like to feel alone, like you are the only one fighting a battle but that’s not the case at all.
‘Mental illness has a stigma around it that needs to change. Voices of Hope aims to be a change, to let people know they’re not alone and to remind people that there is nothing to be ashamed of in regards to fighting a mental illness.
‘Everyone has a story.’
For confidential support call the Lifeline 24-hour crisis line on 13 11 14.