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Gigi Hadid reveals the anxiety she felt while pregnant with daughter Khai

Gigi Hadid has revealed she had days where she worried if she was good enough to be a mother while pregnant with her daughter Khai, ten months.

The model, 26, told how she kept a ‘good journal’ and a ‘bad journal’ which she thinks she might give to Khai one day.

Speaking in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar, where she also posed for a stunning photoshoot, Gigi told how her boyfriend Zayn Malik, 28, has fitted in well to her family.

Candid: Gigi Hadid has revealed she had days where she worried if she was good enough to be a mother while pregnant with her daughter Khai, ten months

On her pregnancy anxieties, she said: ‘During my pregnancy, I had one journal that I called my good journal and one journal that I called my bad journal. 

‘They weren’t that literal, but one was more for the memories, for Khai. Maybe one day I’ll give her the bad journal just to be real about it.’

Asked what was inside the bad journal, she said: ‘Anxieties and days where I felt like, “Am I good enough to be a mom?” I didn’t want to feel guilty about feeling those things or writing those things down. I just liked the separation. 

‘I also have sketch pads where I’ll watercolor-sketch, and sometimes I end up writing there too. I write on the back of receipts and keep those in a notebook. 

Memories: The model, 26, told how she kept a 'good journal' and a 'bad journal' which she thinks she might give to Khai one day

Memories: The model, 26, told how she kept a ‘good journal’ and a ‘bad journal’ which she thinks she might give to Khai one day

‘I’m not particular about it, and my journals are everywhere around the house. I just pick up whichever one is closest to me and write.’

Gigi told how her family often have deep discussions over the dinner table, which Zayn has fit right into.

She said: ‘At first he was like, ‘How do I get a word in edgewise?’ But now he is very comfortable. He speaks his mind. 

‘When he’s in the middle of a family thing and everyone’s like, “Zayn, whose side are you on?” he’s charming. He’s usually on my mom’s side. So he’s smart in that sense.’ 

Relationship: Speaking in the August issue of Harper's Bazaar , where she also posed for a stunning photoshoot, Gigi told how her boyfriend Zayn Malik, 28, has fitted in well to her family

Relationship: Speaking in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar , where she also posed for a stunning photoshoot, Gigi told how her boyfriend Zayn Malik, 28, has fitted in well to her family

Honest: On her pregnancy anxieties, she said: 'During my pregnancy, I had one journal that I called my good journal and one journal that I called my bad journal'

Honest: On her pregnancy anxieties, she said: ‘During my pregnancy, I had one journal that I called my good journal and one journal that I called my bad journal’

Worries: Asked what was in the bad journal, she said: 'Anxieties and days where I felt like, "Am I good enough to be a mom?" I didn't want to feel guilty about feeling those things or writing those things down. I just liked the separation'

Worries: Asked what was in the bad journal, she said: ‘Anxieties and days where I felt like, “Am I good enough to be a mom?” I didn’t want to feel guilty about feeling those things or writing those things down. I just liked the separation’

Elaborating on her family dynamics, Gigi said: ‘This is not to say that I don’t have a heart or Bella doesn’t have a brain, but when dealing with family stuff and world issues, my mom calls me the brain and Bella the heart. 

‘My brother [Anwar] is half and half. Whatever the family dinner-table discussion is, Bella will be very emotional and compassionate, and I’m sitting there pulling up charts and infographics, speaking very calmly. 

‘My mom is just very Dutch and to the point. And my dad ‘s a storyteller—a bit goofy, but always connecting it back to, ‘Oh, you’ve heard the old Palestinian saying…’ 

The family own a farmhouse in Pennsylvania which Gigi described as a ‘peaceful and recharging’ place.

Family: Gigi told how her family often have deep discussions over the dinner table, which Zayn has fit right into

Family: Gigi told how her family often have deep discussions over the dinner table, which Zayn has fit right into

She said: 'At first he was like, 'How do I get a word in edgewise?' But now he is very comfortable. He speaks his mind'

She said: ‘At first he was like, ‘How do I get a word in edgewise?’ But now he is very comfortable. He speaks his mind’

Retreat: The family own a farmhouse in Pennsylvania which Gigi described as a 'peaceful and recharging' place

Retreat: The family own a farmhouse in Pennsylvania which Gigi described as a ‘peaceful and recharging’ place

Stunning: Discussing her modelling career, Gigi said it was helpful for her to look at herself as an 'object' or a 'sculpture' to hone her skills

Stunning: Discussing her modelling career, Gigi said it was helpful for her to look at herself as an ‘object’ or a ‘sculpture’ to hone her skills

She said: ‘I deal with a lot of things through just sitting and thinking and writing. People made jokes when Covid hit, like, “Oh, Gigi, you’ve been practicing quarantine for years now, because when I had a few days off, I would drive to the farm from the city and be with myself in my little cabin, making a resin chair or drying flowers.’ 

Discussing her modelling career, Gigi said it was helpful for her to look at herself as an ‘object’ or a ‘sculpture’ to hone her skills.

She said: ‘[Photographer] Steven Meisel is someone who realized my interest early on. He lets me shoot with a mirror behind him. And he says he often starts with letting models do that. 

‘The point is not to be distracted by yourself or even look at yourself in the mirror. It’s about being able to look at the camera, and then, kind of in your out-of-focus vision, is the shape of you. 

Moterhood: Gigi and Zayn welcomed daughter Khai in Septemnber 2020

Moterhood: Gigi and Zayn welcomed daughter Khai in Septemnber 2020

Romance: The couple began dating in 2015, with Gigi previously appearing in his 2017 Pillowtalk music video

Romance: The couple began dating in 2015, with Gigi previously appearing in his 2017 Pillowtalk music video 

‘It’s training a model to understand how she fits into the photo, which is why I became a model. 

‘Obviously, I’m not saying this as anything disrespectful against women, but you have to look at yourself like an object or a fashion object or a sculpture.’     

Asked how she creates a character for her photoshoots, she replied: ‘It’s not my job to have an opinion on what I’m wearing [on set]. 

‘It’s my job to wear what I wear and have enough of a photographic mind to understand how to make that piece look good, sellable, and give the feeling that is wanted by the creative team.’ 

Interview: Read Gigi's full interview in the August issue of Harper's Bazaar

Interview: Read Gigi’s full interview in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar

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