VW Polo GTi
(to look at)
(for everything else)
Rating: 
My kids are already thinking about Christmas. It’s the only way they can cope with the prospect of yet another year at school, from the mandatory sentence of 14 years that has been dished out to them. They have my deepest sympathy. School either starts too soon or goes on for far too long, take your pick. It only takes half that time to become a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon – what the heck’s that about?
It’s also very much Christmas in my business, which is why, between now and December, all sorts of characters are clamouring to get on the type of radio show I do, to flog their wares. Not that this is at all a bad thing: it’s actually a very good thing, providing a glut of juicy content and colourful contributors.
Like Simon Reeve this week, ‘that nice empathetic travel reporter’, as many people see him. Or how about, instead, the former 20-something who wrote the only book about super-terrorism and Osama bin Laden pre-9/11, called The New Jackals? It went on to become a New York Times bestseller. I know this because I read about it in his latest book, Step By Step, Reeve’s autobiography. It’s fantastic.
The VW Polo GTi. Firing up the engine gives rise to an unexpectedly raspy and rather exciting exhaust noise from the exact same power plant as the one in the new Golf GTi
Take That are popping in next Friday to promote their 30th anniversary tour and Greatest Hits album, Rod Stewart is due to perform live in the studio, as are Seasick Steve and Tom Odell. Movie-wise, Michael Caine’s new pic, The King Of Thieves, is out this weekend and I’m particularly looking forward to the Freddie Mercury biopic, Bohemian Rhapsody, which is out on October 24.
What’s not to like about any of that? But here’s the thing: if you fancy treating yourself to a new car for Crimbo, the end of this month is deal weekend. The end of the third quarter, when all the sales guys will be at their most ‘accommodating’ in the push to hit their pre-Xmas targets, thus bagging their much-deserved Christmas spends.
In which case, new Polo GTi anyone? Sure, it’s not the legend that is the Golf GTi, nor the outgoing Beetle, for which the death knell sadly chimes, but it is almost £10k cheaper than a Golf and miles more fun to drive than a Bug.
First off, though, let’s get the downside out of the way.
Dear VW, why oh why didn’t you make your latest GTi incarnation more exciting to look at?
It’s dull. Like, really dull. It’s a GTi for crying out loud, and, what is more, a 2018 GTi. It’s just about OK from the front, but there endeth any further allure.
What a waste. It has the odd clean line or two, but so does an ironing board. It’s also too high at the back, like the rear suspension is petrified of what the design team was about do next.
Inside is a different story, however. The signature tartan Golf GTi seats are present and correct, both in the front and rear, smaller but perfectly formed and supportive.
From the pilot’s point of view, the driving position is excellent and the interior vista is spiced up with bare metal inserts (colour-matched to the exterior) on the main dash, central console and around the door-pulls.
The main info screen works well and the instruments are clear, so all is good. My only gripe is the lack of a central armrest – with plenty of room in between the front seats, the space is crying out for one.
Now to the best bit: firing up the engine gives rise to an unexpectedly raspy and rather exciting exhaust noise from the exact same power plant as the one in the new Golf GTi (albeit not quite as tweaked, fizzing and hot). Regardless, this causes one to suspect that more fun may be on offer here than it first appeared.
Which turns out to be precisely the case. This may not be the quickest supermini hot hatch on the market today, with 200hp and a 0-60mph time of 6.7 seconds, but I can’t imagine any of its main rivals ‘feel’ significantly quicker without completely ragging the granny out of them.
Within seconds I was having a whale of a time, flicking from one driving mode to the next while alternating between manual paddle-shift and auto transmission to see which combination produced the best pops, bangs and gurgles.
The six-speed DSG gearbox is not exactly lightning-quick up and down the cogs but by no means is it laggy or jumpy either. ‘This is amazing, Dad, for a Polo!’ squealed number one son. I couldn’t disagree. Purists will, of course, lament the lack of a third pedal and an old-fashioned manual set-up, but worry not, it’s on the way, apparently.
Up front there could be twitchiness in the form of torque steer, as we are talking a considerable amount of oomph being channelled through the front wheels only. But no, not a bit of it. As always, the gurus at VW seem to have totally sussed the challenges of front-wheel drive. Try as one might to agitate and agonise proceedings, the nose remains firmly planted at all times.
It’s just about OK from the front, but there endeth any further allure. What a waste
General handling is also extremely stable, instilling confidence from the off and leading to limitless smiles out on the road.
The traction controls can be deselected but frankly there’s little point with a GTi pocket-rocket that’s set up as well as this. The brakes are bigger than ever before, as is the boot, two further reasons to contemplate a note to Santa.
But it’s the value for money this whole package represents that is the real carrot: prices start at £21.5k for this five-door and mine came in at a touch over £23k including plenty of options. That’s mightily impressive.
It’s just a real bummer that good looks aren’t part of that, especially when you cast your eye over the current crop of handsome Golfs, Ups and Sciroccos.
Five stars for everything else then, but only three (and that’s being generous) for the torso. An aesthetic opportunity missed. Alas.
Three more hot superminis
Ford Fiesta ST £18,995+
The souped-up version of the nation’s favourite car offers eyebrow-raising performance from a modest, three-cylinder 1.5-litre turbo engine and a much-improved interior over the old model. It handles as well as it looks, and if you’re really daring there’s even launch control and a track mode.
The souped-up version of the nation’s favourite car offers eyebrow-raising performance from a modest, three-cylinder 1.5-litre turbo engine
Mini JCW £26,090+
The JCW (John Cooper Works) is the halo model in the Mini range. It’s powered by the same 1.6-litre engine in the Cooper S but tweaked to produce a hefty 215hp. Pace and handling are class-leading, but beware: space in the cabin is limited (it is a Mini, after all) and the cost spirals when you add in a few options.
The JCW (John Cooper Works) is the halo model in the Mini range. It’s powered by the same 1.6-litre engine in the Cooper S but tweaked to produce a hefty 215hp
Suzuki Swift Sport £17,999+
Frugal, reasonably rapid and well-equipped, the Swift Sport is a fine little driver’s car for the price. It’s not as quick as rivals (60mph comes up in 8.2 seconds) but on the road feels much nippier than the stats suggest. You’ll find a more refined drive and better quality materials elsewhere, though.
Frugal, reasonably rapid and well-equipped, the Swift Sport is a fine little driver’s car for the price