Gogglesprogs Christmas special sees hilarious young TV critics give their opinions

As every Morecambe and Wise fan laments, you can’t beat a double-act at Christmas. This year, thankfully then, there will be a new one on our screens.

The Two Ollies – Ollie V and Ollie C to their teachers – met on their first day at school and bonded over their shared name. Both aged nine, and from Hull, they are the latest additions to the Gogglesprogs team.

Gogglesprogs – a spin-off of Gogglebox that features pint-sized pundits on the sofa offering their unique observations on everything from Strictly to Donald Trump’s hair – made its debut in 2015 as a seasonal one-off special, but has now turned into a festive phenomenon in its own right.

This year’s offering sees the children – Christmas crackers every one – settle down to watch some of the most talked-about shows from 2019, including the dating/dance hybrid Flirty Dancing, a documentary about the moon landings and the all-celebrity X Factor.

Cue commentary that’s wildly unpredictable, often hilarious and sometimes terribly touching. Take when the children try to get their heads around the fact romance might blossom between couples if they are put together on the dance floor (the premise of Flirty Dancing).

Seven-year-old Brooke isn’t having any of it. She says: ‘Dancing isn’t enough for me… I’d want to know if they’ve been to jail, and to see their driving licence first.’

But it’s the two Ollies who steal the show, with Ollie V in particular despairing about what it’s all about. Life, he means. While watching ITV’s The Day We Walked on the Moon, he ponders: ‘What is life? What is infinity? Every day I question how life came to be!’

The Class of 2019 is made up of 28 Sprogs. Some, like Welsh farming siblings Molly, William and Beth are returning stars, and now pretty much celebrities in their own right. Others, like our Two Ollies, are new recruits.

To celebrate this year’s seasonal offerings, we were granted an audience with nine of the Sprogs, who agreed to give us their own unique review of 2019. Stand by for some truly entertaining takes on the year that brought us Brexit, Boris and a very popular royal baby…

Meet the sprogs

The hilarious duo

Gogglesprogs – a spin-off of Gogglebox that features pint-sized pundits on the sofa offering their unique observations on everything from Strictly to Donald Trump’s hair – is back for a Christmas special. Seen: Ollie V and Ollie C, both nine and from Hull

One of the few things Ollie V and Ollie C, both nine and from Hull, agree on is that Freddy Mercury was the best singer. Avid Queen fans, the pair have – on the surface – little else in common. Ollie C loves football, while Ollie V hates it. Ollie V wants to be an architect when he grows up and had quite a sophisticated palate (his favourite food is mussels in a white wine sauce), while Ollie C would rather be a farmer.

Their combined brainpower makes them a formidable duo. Indeed, Ollie C (no slouch; he won the 2019 chess tournament in his school) claims Ollie V (nickname: Mr Google) has a mind like a computer. ‘Ollie V is very clever but once his mouth is open you can’t shut it, and once his brain is on you can’t turn it off,’ says his friend.

The Welsh farming siblings

Siblings Molly, 9, William, 12, and Beth, 7, have grown up on a farm in Carmarthen and want to be farmers and teachers

Siblings Molly, 9, William, 12, and Beth, 7, have grown up on a farm in Carmarthen and want to be farmers and teachers

Siblings Molly, 9, William, 12, and Beth, 7, have grown up on a farm in Carmarthen. 

William is happiest when he is helping his grandfather with his prize-winning Longhorn Cattle. He wants to be a farmer himself, and is captain of the school rugby team. 

Molly combines her work on the farm with listening to Abba. Her heroine? The Blessed Mary Berry. Beth loves reading Harry Potter (‘even the scary bits’) and wants to be a teacher when she grows up (‘but not one of the bossy ones’). Their first language is Welsh, although they are hilarious in English, too.

The one who wants to be a YouTuber

Friends Orin and Eli, aged 10 and 9, also met at school, in Manchester, and have been friends ever since

Friends Orin and Eli, aged 10 and 9, also met at school, in Manchester, and have been friends ever since

Friends Orin and Eli, aged 10 and 9, also met at school, in Manchester, and have been friends ever since. 

Orin wants to be either a scientist or a You Tuber (‘or maybe a scientist You Tuber’). Since the birth of his baby brother, Isaac, Eli thinks he’d like to be a paediatrician.

 Both boys are budding musicians, both playing the piano. Eli would love to get his own drum kit, but alas, his mum says no. She also says he cannot watch TV during the week, so his viewing tends to be limited to Saturdays and Sundays, ‘and sometimes Fridays, if I’m good’. 

Orin attends his dad’s dance school and can dance like Michael Jackson. ‘One day I’d like to be as famous as him too,’ he says. ‘I want to be so famous that when I walk into a room, people scream’.

A love for documentaries on the ‘olden days’

Brother and sister Hayden, 10, and Brooke, 7, who live in Essex, are another dynamic duo who give their opinion on the show

Brother and sister Hayden, 10, and Brooke, 7, who live in Essex, are another dynamic duo who give their opinion on the show

Brother and sister Hayden, 10, and Brooke, 7, who live in Essex, are another dynamic duo. Hobby-mad Hayden attends chess club and Spanish lessons and enjoys basketball, swimming, drama, guitar, cross-country and kung-fu. 

He likes to watch documentaries – especially if they are about how people survived in the ‘olden days’. He wants to be a plastic surgeon. Brooke would rather be a vet because she loves animals. Especially dogs. She does not have a dog, which is a bone of contention at home.

The sprogs take on….

…Politics

‘It would be quite nice if you could have Boris round for tea and have a chat. I think you could get through to him. He’s a nice person. Biscuits? He might like Bourbons. They are very popular. But actually I think Boris would prefer pizza, or maybe a Chinese.’ Ollie C

‘I’m 50/50 on Donald Trump. I think he’s good for America. He’s a good President, pretty strong but I don’t think it’s right that he’s trying to build a wall between Mexico and the US. It’s a bit mean, if you know what I’m saying. It would be like not letting the Welsh come into England. Not nice AT ALL. I don’t think I’d like to have Donald Trump round for tea. I’d be worried that he’d try to build a wall between the living room and the kitchen.’ Ollie C

¿Are Boris and Donald Trump secret brothers? They have similar taste in fashion. Their hair is a mess. Their clothes are a mess. The suits they wear make them waddle. They should try harder.¿ Eli

‘Are Boris and Donald Trump secret brothers? They have similar taste in fashion. Their hair is a mess. Their clothes are a mess. The suits they wear make them waddle. They should try harder.’ Eli

‘Are Boris and Donald Trump secret brothers? They have similar taste in fashion. Their hair is a mess. Their clothes are a mess. The suits they wear make them waddle. They should try harder.’ Eli

‘Some people don’t like Boris Johnson. I’m not going to say that. Sometimes he can slip up but I think he just wants to get Brexit done, which is a good thing. I really liked Teresa May. I don’t think she was given enough time and you could see she was crying at the end. It was horrid, and made me very angry.’ Ollie V

‘I don’t think I’d like to be a politician. Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to change the world. I know some politicians want to change the world too but a lot are just there to get what THEY want, rather than what is best for the country.’ Orin.

‘I’m very glad Donald Trump isn’t our Prime Minister. He wants to buy the NHS and who knows what he would do with it.’ Ollie V

…Brexit

‘I used to be interested in it. Now I say “Get it over with”.’ William

‘Boring.’ Brooke.

‘Boring, boring, boring. When it comes on TV I turn it off.’ Beth

‘I hate watching the news, but you can’t really turn it off because you have to know what is happening. You never know when the planet might explode.’ Orin

… Greta Thunberg

‘I don’t think [climate change] is the fault of our parents. It’s the fault of the people who were adults in the 80s, so the grandmas and the grandpas.’ Hayden

‘I’m a big Greta Thunberg fan. I think she is briiiilllliant. She made the adults realise they just have to buck up their ideas. What’s the point in worrying about Brexit if there isn’t going to be a planet to have Brexit on? Also, she’s a girl.’ Molly

‘Greta is shamazing! But I’m a bit upset that a child has to do this. She’s changing the world but it should be the adults who are changing the world.’ Orin

‘She’s always angry. She should calm down. But she’s right.’ Eli

‘I don’t think missing school to walk down to London is right. And Greta shouldn’t miss lots of school.’ Hayden

‘They were lucky. I want to miss lots of school.’ Brooke.

… Showbiz, celebrity and Strictly

‘I think Britain’s Got Talent is one of the best programmes on TV. I quite like Simon Cowell. He bounces well off David Walliams. Amanda Holden and Alesha Dixon? Very nice. They’ve not got anything bad about them.

‘I hated the new X Factor, though, where they tried to find celebrities who could sing. Why? That’s just rubbish. It’s really gone down the pan and lost its oomph.’ Ollie C

¿I think David Attenborough should keep making programmes until he dies.¿ Orin

‘I think David Attenborough should keep making programmes until he dies.’ Orin

‘Who do I like on TV? I LOVE Ant and Dec. They remind me of me and Ollie. I can’t think of anyone I don’t like. Hold on. My mum says Piers Morgan, but actually I quite like him. Could you get me his autograph? Sometimes GMTV is on in our house in the mornings but we have to leave for school before Lorraine starts so I can’t really comment on her.’ Ollie V

‘I think David Attenborough should keep making programmes until he dies.’ Orin

‘It’s very hard to pick a favourite Strictly judge but I like Motsie. She’s a bit like my mum. I wanted Oti to win this year, so I was pleased.’ Eli

‘What I like about Motsie is that she is always happy. She never looks sad.’ William

‘I liked it when Craig [Revel Horwood] dressed as a lady.’ Beth

‘Claudia [Winkleman] or Tess [Daly]? I like Claudia more. She’s funny and more energetic. Tess is more about the glamour. I’m not that fond of Anton [du Beke]. He goes on and on about how he never gets tens and about how he didn’t get to the final for so many years. He’s too big for his boots.’ Ollie C

‘Michael McIntyre is brilliant. He’s really cool. When he does Send To All, he has me in stitches. But I’ll tell you who I don’t like: Graham Norton. He’s a bit silly.’ Hayden

‘Who is Graham Norton?’ Brooke.

…. Royalty

‘I like the Queen. And Prince Harry. Prince Archie is a cute baby, so who’s not going to like that?’ Ollie V

‘I like the Queen too. I think we pay her the right amount of money because being a Queen isn’t easy. It’s not just a case of sitting at a desk and writing letters. You have to concentrate on what’s going on all over the country, all the festivals and wars. It’s not glamorous, although she doesn’t look bad for 93, I have to say. Would I like to be royal? It’s 50/50. I would because you get a lot of money, but Buckingham Palace is a bit too big for me.’ Ollie C

‘We pay too much. I’d pay 4p a day.’ Beth

‘Maybe the Queen should retire, but what would she do? Maybe she would walk her dogs and do some gardening?’ Orin

‘When Harry and Meghan got married it was very weird, but good weird. She was the first black or mixed race princess. I watched the wedding and went “yeeeesssss!”. I’m very happy they had a child. It means in years and years to come there will be more black people in the royal family.’ Orin

‘I think I’d like to be a prince because you get lots of attention and get to wear crowns. There might be bad things about it too, but more good things. I would be a VERY good prince.’ Eli

‘I LOVE Prince Archie because I love all babies. I could cuddle them forever.’ Beth

‘I like Kate. She’s really pretty. And Harry. He is funny.’ Molly

‘I would want to be King. If I was I’d ban plastic and then tell Boris to sort out Brexit right now.’ Orin

‘I think I should be Queen because my real name is Elizabeth and so is hers.’ Beth

…TV tips

‘If I could make a TV programme, I’d make a documentary on the lies that children are told. For example, there’s a story I’ve been told many times about how you shouldn’t swallow chewing gum because it will stay in your stomach for seven years. I don’t understand how this can be true because stomach acid dissolves everything.’ Ollie V

‘I’d make an entertainment show. It would have me and Orin in it and it would be funny, not serious. Adults are too serious.’ Eli

Gogglesprogs Christmas Special, Channel 4, Monday December 23, 8pm

 

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