Grace Tame reveals the worst advice to give trauma victims ahead of book release

Former Australian of the Year Grace Tame revealed the worst advice anyone can give a trauma victim is to ‘get over it’ while addressing backlash she has received as an advocate.

Tame said the phrase is the most ‘culturally ignorant’ she has heard since beginning her work as an advocate for sexual abuse survivors after being sexually groomed herself as a teenager.

‘Such is the nature of grooming and child sexual abuse that as you age and grow so does the trauma,’ she told The Project’s Carrie Bickmore on Monday.

‘It doesn’t matter how big you are physically or tough you are or smart you are to begin with, once you are traumatised your neural pathways are permanently altered. 

‘It is not a force of logic, it is a force of nature.

‘Of all the culturally ignorant phrases I’ve heard in my time as an advocate “just get over it” is probably the worst if only because it is scientifically impossible.’  

In her book, The Ninth Life of a Diamond Miner, Tame talks about how she was groomed and molested by her 58-year-old teacher, Nicolaas Bester, at just 15 years old and her struggle to cope with trauma in the aftermath of the abuse.

Tame was a student at St Michael’s Collegiate School, an Anglican girls school in Hobart, when she was abused by Bester.

In 2011, the maths teacher was sentenced to two years and 10 months behind bars after pleading guilty to ‘maintaining a relationship with a young person under 17’ and possession of child exploitation material.

Bester served one year and nine months in jail and went on to complain his conviction had cost him ‘everything’ including his reputation in the community.

Former Australian of the Year Grace Tame (pictured during her interview with The Project) said the most ‘culturally ignorant’ advice a person can give to someone dealing with trauma is to ‘just get over it’

Tame (pictured accepting her 2021 Australian of the Year award) said she is determined the threats made online by her former abuser Nicolaas Bester won’t ruin the launch of her book

In her tell-all interview on Monday, Tame addressed threats allegedly made by Bester over Twitter which detail a ‘plan of revenge’ that coincides with the release of her book on Tuesday.

The ominous tweets include Tame’s childhood email address which she used to create a Facebook account to talk to Bester while she was being groomed.

Tame revealed she has been unable to get help from police to stop the onslaught of threats because they can’t officially prove it is Bester behind the account.

However, she said she is determined the tweets won’t ruin the launch of her book.

‘It’s hard but really I want to focus on the positives and I don’t want to be continuing to talk about that,’ Tame said.

Tame addressed rumours her side-eye incident with former Prime Minister Scott Morrison wasn’t the result by her autism diagnosis but was born from a genuine dislike of the ex-PM (pictured, Mr Morrison and Tame outside The Lodge in January)

In her new book, Tame (pictured at the Marie Claire International Women’s Day breakfast in March) addresses how she coped with the trauma of being sexually abused as a child

Tame also took the opportunity to address her infamous side-eye photos with former Prime Minister Scott Morrison.

She said the glare ‘certainly wasn’t’ anything to do with her autism diagnosis like rumoured online.

‘That was because he’s a lying, rotting, secretive…you can fill in the blanks,’ she said.

She then called out the massive amount of criticism she received after the look which only lasted ‘a matter of seconds’.

‘If people are more upset by rudeness, which is subjective, than raping a child that says an awful lot about what is wrong in society,’ she said.

When explaining why she was stoney-faced for an event with the Prime Minister in January (above), Tame called Mr Morrison ‘lying, rotting, secretive’

Tame (pictured at the 2022 Australian of the Year Awards) admits she turned to alcohol and illegal drugs while struggling to cope with the sexual abuse she suffered as a child

‘We continually, disproportionately point the finger of blame and shame at children and our people who are coping with abuse and who, yes, might abuse substances, they might misstep and stumble.

‘Where is the proportionate shaming and blaming and questioning of the people who abuse them and hurt them in the first place?’

In her new book, Tame admits she was also assaulted at just six years old and turned to alcohol and illegal drugs to cope after being groomed by Bester.

She said she used cocaine and weed, even working on a pot farm at one point, and ‘sincerely enjoyed’ being high at times.

However, she said she no longer uses drugs.

Tame also writes about her one-year marriage to child star Spencer Breslin after she ‘ran away’ to the US when she was 18.