What would you do if your partner of 15 years asked you to start swinging or to participate in a threesome?
Many couples find themselves in this situation and don’t always know the best way forward, especially if they’re unsure whether they want to pursue it themselves.
Australian relationship expert and advisor to The Bachelor, Samantha Jayne, shared her insights with FEMAIL.
‘It’s important to think about the consequences and to be true to yourself. The relationship will never be the same afterwards,’ she explained.
What would you do if your partner of 15 years asked you to start swinging or to participate in a threesome? (stock image)
Relationship expert, Samantha Jayne, shared her insight with FEMAIL
Swinging is when couples engage in sexual activity with other partners and a threesome is of course when you invite a third person into the bedroom.
These ideas may be thrown around in an attempt to spice up the relationship, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
‘On one hand you have to consider if this is what your partner really wants and, if you don’t want it, it could put you both in a very painful emotional position,’ Samantha explained.
‘If it’s a no from you, your partner might feel like they are missing out.
‘On the other hand if you “take one for the team”, it could open up an emotional can of worms.’
Samantha wants couples to know that there is a chance you might not be able to resolve these differences.
Although there are some couples who say that engaging in swinging brings them closer together, there are also those who end up breaking up (stock image)
‘If you have strong opposing views and needs then it could be a sign that you are sexually incompatible,’ she said.
THE NEGATIVE SIDE OF SWINGING
– It can heighten the feelings of insecurity
– If you want to keep your lifestyle a secret it can be a burden
– Sometimes you and your partner may disagree about another couple
– Swinging doesn’t solve marital problems
– The rules put in place are out of balance as one person may only be trying to keep the other happy
Although swinging isn’t openly spoken about in Australia, there is an active underground scene.
There are also multiple clubs that cater to those who are wanting to explore with other couples.
Samantha told FEMAIL that an example of how swinging can have a negative on a relationship is in the movie Swinging Safari.
‘In the movie you can see it affected their relationship negatively, causing conflict, jealously and tension,’ she said.
‘In the end they were able to resolve it but then again, it’s a movie.’
Although there are some couples who say that engaging in swinging brings them closer together, there are also those who have broken up.
Samantha wants couples to know that there is a chance you might not be able to resolve these differences
This is because they couldn’t deal with the pressure of having an open relationship and the insecurity it brings with it.
‘If you want to try swinging, or a threesome, then when you talk to your partner, it is important to be honest about how you feel because it requires good communication,’ Samantha told FEMAIL.
‘Make sure you are on the same page. Look at the pro’s and con’s of doing this together, set clear boundaries and stick to them.’
She also recommends that couples who are thinking of dipping their toe into this lifestyle seek emotional support and advice from a specialised sex therapist or from other couples who have already gone through it.
‘If you want to try swinging or a threesome then when you talk to your partner it is important to be honest about how you feel,’ Samantha told FEMAIL (stock image)
If you do decide to follow through with it you need to make sure you’re safe by using your preferred form of birth control and condoms.
‘It is also important to understand that either of you could create an emotional attachment to someone else,’ she said.
‘So make sure whatever you decide follow your heart and be true to yourself. You’ll know what feels right.’
If after all of these steps you don’t feel ready to pursue the lifestyle, be honest with your partner and let them know that it isn’t for you.