How to make a great first impression in just SEVEN seconds

With research proving that first impressions are made within just two to seven seconds of meeting someone new, knowing how to work a room is vital to relationship and career success.

Unfortunately, however, thousands of Australians are making a number of common mistakes each day that are seeing them fall out of favour with potential family members, clients and employers. 

So, to assist people in mastering the art of a fantastic first impression, FEMAIL spoke to Sydney School of Protocol founder and etiquette professional, Julie Lamberg-Burnet.    

‘In our frenetic, digital world our awareness of how powerful a first impression can influence your personal and business success is often overlooked or considered irrelevant and outdated,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said. 

‘Olivia Fox Cabane in The Charisma Myth confirms that we are often “quite accurate in our perceptions of personalities, even after meeting someone for only a few seconds”.

‘She says that in our sophisticated world today it is worth remembering we still operate on “hunter-gatherer” survival instincts”. When we first meet someone, our instinctive question is: friend or foe? To find an answer we still look to the clues that were so useful in tribal times: appearance and demeanor.’

‘With so many distractions in our daily lives the non-verbal and verbal signals we exhibit can either enhance your personal brand or may leave an unfavorable impression.’

REMEMBER THE MOST IMPORTANT KEY ASPECTS    

Many of us underestimate the fact (borne out by extensive research) that first impressions are made in the first 2-7 seconds and have an impact on our ongoing relationships with people. 

‘Our body language and personal presentation represent the strongest factors in people’s first impressions, even before we have opened our mouth,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said.

‘This is followed by the tone of our voice. Importantly it is useful to note that the words we say only account for about 7 per cent of this first impression.’

‘Our body language and personal presentation represent the strongest factors in people’s first impressions, even before we have opened our mouth,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said

Ms Lamberg-Burnet said that in business, romantic and personal environments, warmth and initial introductions are critical for leaving a positive impression. 

‘First and foremost the power of a good handshake indicates our willingness to connect with other people,’ she said. 

‘A firm handshake (web to web) reflects a confidence and willingness to connect – avoid the limp fish, fingertip or bone crusher handshake. Be mindful of signaling a feeling of either submissiveness or authoritarianism.’

Ms Lamberg-Burnet said it’s also important to initiate a handshake.  

‘We are always surprised how this reflects our confidence to be open and connect with people in a professional or warm manner,’ she said. 

‘Many of our clients are surprised to learn their handshakes could do with an audit as they have not realised they have created a poor first impression before even opening their mouth to speak.’

The way people dress and groom themselves are also very important, but body language is number one. 

‘We can be wearing the most expensive and smart outfit, however, if our body language – posture, eye contact and handshake are poor this will add significantly to a less than good impression,’ she said.

‘A poor first impression takes a long time to recover from. It is important we get it right the first time.’ 

‘A poor first impression takes a long time to recover from. It is important we get it right the first time,’ she said 

REMEMBER NAMES

Remembering people names is often a challenge, however, there are some tools to help.

‘When introducing ourselves use our full name clearly which helps with recall,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said. 

‘Be alert when others introduce themselves and focus on the person and the name. To remember other people’s names repeat the name of the person you are introduced to and keep using their name during the conversation.

‘Another technique widely used is to associate the person with someone or something we know.’

MAKE GOOD CONVERSATION 

‘Another barrier we create is either our lack of confidence or willingness to make small talk,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said. 

‘In our Australian culture we tend to prefer to get straight to the point, both in business and interpersonal exchanges. 

‘Think about softening up your initial first impression – use open- ended questions – it is preferable speak about the other person to show our feelings and desire to connect. 

‘One does not need to “overthink” small talk – consider subjects such as family, the weather, what brought you to the conference? Where are you from? How did your find the travel into the city today?’  

‘Another barrier we create is either our lack of confidence or willingness to make small talk,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said

MAKE A MEMORABLE AND THOUGHTFUL ENTRANCE  

It’s important to consider whether you are noticed when you enter a room.

‘Before you either approach a room, event, or an open-space think about your posture and state of mind. Put all negative thoughts behind, stand tall and enter the room. Avoid distractors, such as a phone in your hand, a coffee and a bulging bag over either your arm or shoulder,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said.

‘Step into the space – take a step to the left or right of the entrance, stand still and take a pause. Smile and ensure your right hand is free for initiating handshakes and greeting. This allows you time to make a great first impression as people will see you and also there is time to survey the room. 

‘Walk confidently to the group or individual you would like to introduce yourself to. 

‘Avoid going directly either to the food, bar or people you know, as this reduces your ability to effectively network and meet new people in social and business situations.’

APPROACH SMALL GROUPS AND MINGLE WITH CONFIDENCE   

Small talk is an important skill as it not only breaks the ice and puts people at ease but also establishes a connection. 

‘Small talk doesn’t require long lengthy discussions but reflects politeness. Tips to improve small talk include being well informed on current affairs and events and importantly focusing on the other person,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said.

‘Ask open-ended questions and be prepared to listen. Interrupting is a common habit we can develop without realising it so monitor yourself and think before you speak.

‘It is important to close the conversation nicely before walking away from the other person.  For example. say “It was a pleasure to meet you and I enjoyed my conversation with you”. 

Small talk is an important skill as it not only breaks the ice and puts people at ease but also establishes a connection

‘If you feel you would like to continue your conversations you may suggest offering to exchange business or personal cards, arrange a further meet up or connect on LinkedIn.’

Ms Lamberg-Burnet said it’s also important to always be genuine when making these decisions to ensure the interactions create a positive and lasting impression.

Topics of discussion to avoid include health or diet issues, the cost of living, how much money you earn or have, gossip, bad jokes and sensitive issues.

KNOW WHETHER TO KISS, SHAKE OR HUG 

‘It is natural for family members and good friends to hug and to kiss when they meet. However. kissing, hugging or any physical contact with causal acquaintances whether in social or business situation may create some challenges,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said. 

‘When in doubt, a handshake is the most universal and recognised greeting. Handshaking is a form of communication that is acceptable and polite in our diverse culture.’

So what happens when people are unsure what is appropriate?  

‘When in doubt, a handshake is the most universal and recognised greeting. Handshaking is a form of communication that is acceptable and polite in our diverse culture,’ she said 

‘Many clients ask about what to do when they are confronted with a confusing interaction as to when to either initiate a handshake, kiss or hug a person,’ Ms Lamberg-Burnet said. 

‘We recommend initiating a handshake if unsure. This signals your preference for a handshake. 

‘As business and social relationships develop and less formal situations occur a handshake along with an “air kiss” is acceptable however, be sure the person/s will welcome a more intimate exchange. 

‘In today’s world it is preferable to be cautious in business settings than risk your reputation.’

What should you do when you are meeting the in-laws?  

When meeting the in-laws be polite and do not dominate the conversation. 

Developing good relationships with the in-laws starts with acknowledging the differences there may be between families and being prepared to accept and make changes. 

Be tolerant and listen politely despite the fact the advice given may not align with either your thinking or opinions. 

Clearing up any misunderstandings early in the relationship will augur well for displaying a flexible outlook and making an effort to put issues aside.

It is worth the effort to remember milestones such as birthdays, anniversaries and especially send thank you notes, all of which leave a lasting, warm impression with the in-laws and family.

TAKE CARE WITH WHAT YOU WEAR 

According to Ms Lamberg-Burnet, our overall image and presentation along with body language is evaluated before any other factors, including the words we speak.

‘The way we present ourselves and knowing what is appropriate when reflects pride and self-confidence,’ she said. 

‘Knowing what to wear to every occasion can be a challenge. Knowing the appropriate dress code for the situation including doing research prior to an interview, social event or check in with the host is a wise strategy.

‘Good grooming is equally as important and shows respect for others. Be mindful of the condition and presentation of clothes and accessories along with personal and dental hygiene. And of course apply perfume and cologne sparingly.’