Why, despite gaining the desired freedom, life after a divorce turns into an even greater hell than the divorce itself?
As per Online Divorce, during a divorce, any person goes through four stages on the road to recovery.
Stage 1. Acute pain
Duration is from 2 weeks to 2 months.
It is characterized by a sense of hopelessness, loneliness, self-pity.
Stage 2. Fixture
Duration is from 2 to 6 months.
You start making plans for the future and start smiling again. You can talk about a partner without bitterness and resentment, stop feeling like a victim, and begin to notice other men.
Stage 3. Recovery
Duration is from 6 months to a year.
This is the point at which you reappear into life, begin considering new love, reestablish significant serenity.
You can tranquility chat with your ex, look to the future with hopefulness, and less frequently join yourself to recollections.
Additionally, you can honestly assess the purposes behind the separation and reach inferences so as not to rehash botches later on.
Stage 4. Standardization
Span is from 1 year to 2 years.
You stand immovably on your feet, dispose of torment, another social atmosphere has confirmed to you, just as new companions, and perhaps love.
New propensities have shown up; you have taken in something from mix-ups. You infrequently recollect the previous choose and are prepared for another adoration. You like your new life.
Reading these lines, you are most likely looking for salvation from the terrible state. For every person, divorce means something different: for someone, it is the loss of a loved one, and for someone, it is a pain and fear of rebuilding a routine way of life. But be that as it may, this is a difficult period that you want to delete from your life and so that this terrible inner state is more likely to pass. We, of course, understand how bad you are and in this article, we want to help you survive this period and tell you what to do to relieve the divorce without severe consequences.
From the very beginning, we want to say that during divorce stress and feelings, tears, depression are all normal phenomena, peculiar to every reasonable person. Surely you still have feelings for your ex-spouse, your whole life is connected with her/him: interests, habits, social circle, lifestyle, rest, memories, children, life, sex, etc. Also, you are overcome by the pain of separation, resentment, suspense, and other negative feelings. Alas, there is no such pill or such advice that would help get rid of all this to wake up in the morning as if nothing had happened. Remember that time heals, with each new day you live, it will become more comfortable for you, but to make it easier to live through, we will give you our advice.
Why so bad?
As per Mental Help, to know how to survive a divorce without severe consequences, you must answer yourself the central question: why are you feeling bad and what is worrying you? The main mistake is that we think how bad we are and this makes it even worse. Therefore, take in your hands a piece of paper and a pen, where you should write down the points because of what exactly you feel bad. The most important thing is that you are honest with yourself and can delve into yourself. What are the most common reasons for experiencing a divorce?
- I still love him/her;
- I do not want and am afraid to be alone;
- The sense of ownership;
- I do not want to be a single mother/dad;
- I got used to the fact that there is a man next to me and a reliable shoulder / I am used to it, that there is a woman who cares near;
- I worry about children, how it will affect them;
- Need to rebuild your life;
- Treason of the second half, etc.
Again, it is essential to answer this question honestly, and perhaps even simulate situations. For example, imagine that your other half will find a replacement for you and how will you feel about this? It will be unpleasant. Undoubtedly, love feelings remain or will play a grudge for the fact that he or she found a replacement for you, with all the ensuing consequences, then we write it down: “That he/she will find a replacement for me.”
When the list is made, you need to analyze it: in some questions, think about how to act or how to solve it. If you get divorced, then there are good reasons for this, which outweigh the second bowl of the scale on which your current state is.
You often cry and self-pity.
What to do?
- Get rid of everything that could remind you of life with your ex-husband. Throw out all the trash from the apartment, and make repairs.
With these simple steps, you will begin creating your new world.
- Be busy with something all the time, and it should be not only work and everyday problems.
Make confident to painstakingly design your recreation, first recording your arrangements in detail.
Incorporate gatherings with companions, visiting spots and occasions that give you joy.
Be that as it may don’t attempt dependably speak with somebody, since companions can’t generally stay with you, and in light of this you ought not to sit at home in anguish and distress all night.
Consider different things you can do without anyone else’s input. Maybe at first, it won’t give you any delight yet do it consequently, as though it were your obligation.
Such arranging will help construct your life without anyone else’s input, excluding your ex in your arrangements.
- Deal with yourself: eat better, work out, rub, go to the salon, change your picture.
The better the body feels, the quicker the mental steadiness will come.
- Comprehend yourself, break down your oversights all together not to rehash them, and furthermore comprehend what you need in this life.
Undoubtedly, for this, you will require the assistance of a therapist or excellent writing. Utilize this time as an open door for personal growth and headway.
- Think about who could help in the execution of your arrangements or in taking care of regular issues. Most likely individuals are happy to support you.
- Set new objectives throughout your life: new position, claim to fame, diversion, learning dialects, and so forth.
Figure out how to have a good time and life, paying little mind to whether there is a man
How to survive divorce for a man?
How to survive a divorce from your wife? We can only sympathize with the men, as they do not cry, but they are upset – divert yourself by going with friends to the pub, with an exciting computer game, or do tuning or repairing the car. But sometimes it is also difficult for men to experience divorce as women do, during this period it is also necessary to speak out like a man, a true friend will be able to help you with this.
How to survive a divorce in the first week?
The hardest period is the first week after breaking up. In addition to right pain, stress and experiences – you need to solve two significant issues: housing and financial. As for the housing issue, there are two options: either you stay in the same apartment where you lived during the marriage, or else move to another. We strongly recommend that you leave each other, and not just live in different rooms, as this will not lead to anything good except quarrels and showdowns. If only you do not want to save your marriage.
The financial issue is more difficult for women, as for men in this regard is more straightforward. But in any case, if difficulties arise, then ask for help from loved ones. During this period, try to minimize, if not exclude, communication with the former second half, or restrict yourself to a brief telephone conversation solely on the subject of a call, without any clarification of the relationship. In general, during this period, try to avoid clarifying the relationship categorically.
Get rid of the memories of the spouse
Nothing should remind of the former second half, so we collect all the things in the box that cause our memories, nostalgia, and longing: joint photos, gifts, and other things. After that, close the box and put it to hell, but do not throw it all away – keep calm and keep yourself in hand. Try as soon as you can distract yourself from thinking about your ex-spouse: immerse yourself in work, household chores, find a hobby, etc.
Try to calm down and relax. Go for a walk, take a breath of fresh air, go to the supermarket on the way and buy yourself something tasty that always improves your mood: drinks, desserts, fruit, ice cream, etc.
Buy yourself a big pizza and go home to watch some insanely funny comedy. Then type a full, hot, fragrant bubble bath, turn on calm music and relax – think only of the good, about those memories from which it becomes warm to the soul: childhood, school and college years, sea holidays, etc.
All in all, love yourself! Be proud of yourself, and happiness will surely knock on your door!