It’s the sort of threat you see all the time from idiots on Facebook, but in my case, it’s true: If you get on my bad side, I will become your worst nightmare.
If you were to see me on the street you’d see a regular – even friendly – mother of five in her mid-forties. I’m also a subclinical psychopath.
What does ‘subclinical’ mean, you ask? Rather than being ‘crazy’ or ‘violent’, like the stereotypical psycho of Hollywood movies, I instead carefully plan how I can make your life miserable through manipulation, and then I do it.
I won’t kill you (not because I think murder is wrong, by the way – only because I can’t be bothered to clean up the mess or deal with police), but I will devote every waking moment to breaking you down psychologically and turn your life into a living hell.
You see, I’m always assessing people. It’s a trait I can’t turn off. I scan behaviour, remember what others say and calculate the potential benefits of social interactions.
As soon as I decide you’re not worth being around, or if you do something I find irritating – and it doesn’t take much – what I call my ‘other side’ emerges.
I become devious. The friendly mum disappears. I’ll ‘go blank’, as I like to call it, and not feel anything at all. You’re no longer human to me.
Even if I’ve known you for years, if I feel you’ve wronged me, I’d happily watch you drown. I’d walk on by if I saw you bleeding in the street. It’s a numbness I can’t really explain.
In my mind, my actions are just part of the natural order of things. Some people should be punished and others left alone. It doesn’t feel like cruelty – I don’t feel anything at all. It’s just someone getting what they deserve, and I simply watch it play out, logically.
It’s the sort of threat you see all the time from idiots on Facebook, but in my case, it’s true: If you get on my bad side, I will become your worst nightmare, writes psychopath Lisa Neville
If you were to see me on the street you’d see a regular – even friendly – mother of five in her mid-forties. I’m also a subclinical psychopath
I must admit, I will enjoy seeing you in pain. When I ‘go blank’, I flick a switch and I’m incapable of empathy. I enjoy the suffering. I don’t have a way to stop it.
When the numbness takes over, one of two things will happen.
The first is that I’ll become extremely transactional and manipulative, because you’re now nothing more to me than something I can use, like a kitchen appliance.
The second is that I no longer see you as anything useful at all. You’re an inanimate object.
At that point, it’s a state beyond indifference. There’s simply nothing – no reactions or emotions. It’s as if you are not there.
Usually right before this happens I go into what I describe as a ‘rage’ state. I’ll make your life hell for days then discard you completely.
Don’t get me wrong, I am capable of human emotion. For example, I love my children. I cook for them and read to them. I’m a nice person, I’m loving and caring, it’s only if someone does something unimaginable that you’ll see my bad side.
I must admit, I will enjoy seeing you in pain. When I ‘go blank’, I flick a switch and I’m incapable of empathy. I enjoy the suffering. I don’t have a way to stop it
Chatty people set me off. When I see someone who won’t shut up or has to be the centre of attention, they become a target. It’ll start innocuously enough. I’ll shut down the conversation with a single, insensitive remark or knock over someone’s wine glass. Then it begins…
There are no specific triggers that will make me ‘go blank’ towards someone.
Basically, if something pisses me off or feels like a direct challenge, I’m likely to have a psychopathic response.
When I feel threatened, my typical reaction isn’t exactly what most people would consider normal. It’s calculated and intense. Even minor things can make me turn.
For example, chatty people can set me off. When I see someone who won’t shut up or has to be the centre of attention, they become a target. It’ll start innocuously enough. I’ll shut down the conversation with a single, insensitive remark or knock over someone’s wine glass. Then it begins…
I had a happy childhood for the most part but there was some emotional abuse and bullying from peers. As the oldest of three children, I had responsibilities to take care of them and, as a result, had no one to talk to about my feelings, not even my parents.
Over time, I learned to bottle up my feelings rather than express them. I guess that’s part of the reason why I am how I am today, but who knows? Maybe I was born this way.
One thing I learned early on was a chameleon in social settings. I could change just like that.
When I feel threatened, my typical reaction isn’t exactly what most people would consider normal. It’s calculated and intense. Even minor things can make me turn
It wasn’t until 2018 when my therapist started asking me questions about a break-up that she came to the conclusion I was a subclinical psychopath.
My ex had been involved in a serious car crash. Yet when she showed me an image of the mangled car, I didn’t react.
‘You don’t feel shocked or sad seeing this? This doesn’t bother you?’ she asked me. I shook my head while my face remained blank.
She then asked me a series of questions from the Levenson Self-Report Psychopathy Scale (LSRP) test that indicates levels of psychopathic traits. Unsurprisingly, my scores were rather high.
In short, I lack empathy for other people and don’t feel guilty when I do bad things.
I have an unstoppable urge to ruin lives. I don’t want to become violent – who wants to deal with that mess? – but I’ll do something equally destructive.
Here’s an example. A friend of mine tried to steal my man but she didn’t know I found out. Rather than confronting her about it, I manipulated her to look like a fool in public.
It was a simple catfish ploy. I lied about where he would be and she went to meet with him. He didn’t show so, naturally, she thought he had stood her up. I watched from afar and took photos to send to her anonymously. Did it mess with her head? Probably a lot.
She was lucky. Humiliating and frightening her like that was enough to satisfy me and I didn’t subject her to any more suffering.
I said to myself, ‘Okay, I win.’ The war was over and she was dead to me.
In other cases, I play psychological games with people. If I know someone hates spiders, I’ll just tell them, ‘I saw a spider in your car,’ or, ‘Did you see that spider’s nest inside your home?’ It’s not much but it freaks them out. Enough to ruin their day, at least.
And I’ve become a proficient liar that it’s easy for me to do.
Now you’re probably wondering: what happens when a psychopath meets another psychopath?
Have I ever met my match? Not quite, but I did recently end a relationship with a man who I discovered was trying to manipulate me. But it wasn’t because he was a psychopath; he was just an old-fashioned narcissist.
A subclinical psychopath dating and a narcissist. What could possibly go wrong?
After that break-up, I decided not to date again because of who I am. I can’t help how I behave. I was born this way; I can’t do anything to stop it.
I’ve been on so many dates and all I can think is, ‘Please don’t give me a reason to hate you.’ When I’m wronged in a relationship – and it doesn’t take much – I have a script: I pretend to forgive them, then I dismantle everything in their life.
Typically I have it all planned out weeks in advance.
I also take advantage of the other person’s guilt – an emotion I am incapable of feeling. I’ll manipulate them into doing whatever I want: cooking, cleaning, running errands.
Signs of an ‘ordinary psychopath’
By Stephen Gibbs for Daily Mail Australia
Not every psychopath is a monster who preys on the innocent. Many seemingly ordinary people have a ‘psychopathic personality’ that blunts their empathy without leading them down a path of violence. There are six tell-tale signs that the toxic person in your life could share the same psychological ‘DNA’ as some of history’s worst killers, according to serial killer expert Amanda Howard.
They repeatedly say your name when speaking to you
This is often a sign that someone has a façade. It is the psychopath’s way of reminding themselves to be friendly – something which does not come naturally to them.
Yes, it could be a sign they are simply ‘fake’ or trying to butter you up. They may also be a harmless person who has read too many self-help books about social interaction.
But it’s also a known trait among psychopaths because it’s a textbook example of their superficial charm, which is strongly associated with psychopathy.
They quickly drop the ‘nice guy’ act under pressure
Nearly every serial killer Amanda has spoken to – minus the repulsive Richard Ramirez – possesses a superficial ‘nice guy’ persona.
Everyone knows a nice guy: they remember your name, they smile, they ask questions, they listen in return. It’s easy to see why women fall for them.
If they’re a genuine nice guy with nothing to hide, these warm gestures are just part of their good nature.
But if they are a psychopath in disguise, you’ll soon find out it’s all front.
Everyday psychopaths are known for their superficial charm, but show their true selves when backed into a corner. They rely on social habits like calling you by your name to mimic friendliness. And they can’t stand anyone else having the last word (stock image)
The moment you push them into a conversation or situation where they don’t feel 100 per cent in control, they drop the ‘nice guy’ act fast.
This is when the mask slips and they reveal their true selves – and it’s your cue to run.
They seem normal… but never get it quite right
When the law finally catches up to a psychopath, those around them will often say they weren’t perfect, but they were normal enough to fit in.
So often we imagine psychopaths as Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde-type characters. But Amanda emphasises there is no abrupt ‘personality switch’.
They instead find ways to adapt when in company to avoid detection – but even the most accomplished actors can’t deliver a perfect performance.
If your gut tells you someone is trying too hard to appear normal, there’s a good chance you’re right.
They love the attention
‘Non-killing psychopaths’ want to be the most exciting person in the room. When they lay on the charm, it isn’t subtle, by any means.
They command attention because it gives them a sense of control, which they crave.
They are so convincing with their charm, many won’t even know it’s a façade.
They always demand the last word
One observation Amanda has made during her years of correspondence with serial killers is they usually want the last word in an argument, especially if they feel shamed or slighted.
This often serves as the perfect opportunity to unleash their vitriol – in the hope you will be too blindsided to offer a response.
They adopt a fake persona
We all have a public face – the one we use at work, for example – which is different to our ‘normal’ self – who we are with family and friends.
For most people, the public persona isn’t fake; it’s just a socially acceptable front. But for psychopaths, the public persona is a total sham.
It’s purpose is to deceive others and disguise the wearer’s true personality.
One way to bring the psychopath out from behind this ‘mask of sanity’ is to not give them the attention they crave. Starve them of attention and you will soon see their cruel and vindictive side.
Clinical vs subclinical psychopaths
Most people don’t understand there are two types of psychopaths: clinical and subclinical.
Clinical psychopaths are more intense, impulsive and violent. They could literally stab you and not care.
Subclinical psychopaths, on the other hand, plan their next move for a very, very long time. In my opinion, people like me are slightly worse, even if we are less disposed to violence.
I watch people like a hawk and they have no idea. I know in the past I’ve driven people to distraction with something as simple as blocking them then unblocking them on social media. It’s all a mind game.
You might be thinking: why can’t I just be a nice person? It’s not about being ‘nice’ – it’s that there are two people living inside of me. The ‘good me’ – the one my children see – and the one who will turn your life into a nightmare.
The transition between the two is almost imperceptible. Sometimes I don’t even know when it has happened until I’ve started turning the screws on someone.
I try to avoid certain situations and people I know are likely to trigger me. People who annoy me, those who don’t fit my standards. I see them a mile off and keep my distance. It’s for their own good.
When you know you are capable of toying with someone like a cat taunting an injured mouse, the least you can do is try to minimise the number of lives you destroy.
As for the ‘good’ side… I’m a caring mum, I make music, and I run a non-for-profit specialising in art therapy. I want to help people who have personality disorders to redirect their emotions in more positive ways.
It’s the other me you don’t want to mess with.
So don’t make me hate you. Imagine for a moment you’re a marketing consultant. I would get a certificate this week that surpasses your skills, apply for a job at your workplace, become your boss, fire you, then quit. And that might just be the beginning.
Is that a true story, or just a lie to freak you out? I’ll leave that up to you decide.
- As told to Carina Stathis
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Read more at DailyMail.co.uk