I’m a hospice nurse… the things I’ve witnessed have convinced me there is an afterlife

A TikTok famous hospice nurse has revealed how a supernatural experience finally cured her crippling fear of death – and convinced her beyond doubt that there is an afterlife.

Penny Smith, who has more than 870,000 followers on the platform, admits that, for most of her 62 years, she suffered from extreme death anxiety.

‘I thought about it constantly,’ she says. ‘One might even say obsessively. I worried about death day and night, mostly at night, when I would lie awake, seeking solace from my then-husband.

‘”But what if there’s nothing after we die?” I would cry in anguish.’

Smith – a recovering alcoholic – didn’t start her nursing career until she was 42, after what she describes as a ‘shady past,’ which included drug addiction, abuse, and multiple suicide attempts.

And in her book, Influencing Death: Reframing Dying for Better Living, she says her unhappiness led to a morbid fascination with ending her life.

‘My death anxiety didn’t manifest until I was in my thirties,’ she writes. ‘Truth be told, from the onset of my teen years until well into my twenties, I didn’t fear death at all. I welcomed the thought of it.

‘Between the bullying, drug and alcohol issues, mental health issues, and my propensity for finding men who abused me and inability to leave them, I attempted to “unalive” myself several times.’

Penny Smith, who has more than 870,000 followers on the platform, admits that, for most of her 62 years, she suffered from extreme death anxiety 

‘Unalive’ she explains, is the social media term used for suicide, to avoid the risk of your video being banned for featuring dangerous content.

However, her first encounter with death happened much earlier – when she was just nine years old.

‘”Grandpa died,” my mom told me and my sister. “What does that mean?” one of us asked.

‘”It’s like he went to sleep, but he won’t wake up,” she told us.’

The answer both horrified and fascinated her. She barely knew her grandfather – she had met him only once so she didn’t mourn him. But the possibility that someone could fall asleep and never wake up consumed her.

‘I’m fairly certain my mom’s reticence to discuss death further than the “sleeping forever” explanation is what ultimately caused me to suffer from an overwhelming fear of dying,’ she says.

Ultimately, it was through her work as a hospice nurse – thinking about and talking about death to hundreds of grieving families – that eventually cured her.

‘As strange as it sounds, it was that feeling of being connected to death… that eased my mind of the anxiousness that had once paralyzed me whenever the subject of dying possessed my mind.’

And, while she isn’t religious, she believes that one phenomenon among dying people proves there is something beyond our life here on Earth.

Smith didn’t start her nursing career until she was 42, after what she describes as a ‘shady past’

She believes that one phenomenon among dying people proves there is something beyond our life here on Earth (stock image)

Smith – a recovering alcoholic – didn’t start her nursing career until she was 42 (pictured with husband Randy)

Deathbed visions fall under the umbrella term she describes as ‘woo-woo stuff.’

‘It is very common that a dying person will say they see their deceased loved ones or even pets,’ she says. ‘Sometimes it happens in dreams, sometimes it’s right in front of them.

‘Witnessing this mysterious end-of-life phenomenon, or even just hearing about it, can be life-changing. These visions bring comfort to the patient who experiences them, to the family who sees their dying person “reunited” with their lost loves, and for the death anxiety sufferers like me.’

She describes several people seeing loved ones in the days and hours before their death.

‘Time and again, I’ve seen patients so convinced they’re being visited by the spirits of their dead relatives, and that convinces me they really are,’ she writes.

‘But ultimately, it was my very own spiritual encounter that finally brought me to my personal belief about what lies beyond.’

Around a week after the death of her father, she recalls an intensely emotional conversation with him that felt so real, it was utterly transformative.

‘As I lay sleeping, I dreamt of my dad,’ she writes. ‘Although I can only describe it as dreaming, it was much, much more.

‘My dad came to me surrounded by bright light, smiling his famous smile, and I could feel his love embracing me. And he was so happy, he radiated joy.

‘He told me it was time to go. “Okay,” I told him. “I’m ready to go!” Then I thought for a second and told him I would need to see my kids again before I went. “They’re going to miss me,” I said.

Smith’s spiritual encounter with her father, Derral Ray Hawkins, ‘finally brought me to my personal belief about what lies beyond’

Derral with Smith’s two daughters – his grandchildren. ‘I thought for a second and told him I would need to see my kids again before I went. “They’re going to miss me,” I said’

When her father ‘visited’ her, she says: ‘He told me he would always be with me and he wrapped his arms around me… I could feel his love embracing me’

‘”No, it’s not your time to go yet,” he replied. Then he told me he would always be with me and he wrapped his arms around me.

‘”I love you, it’s all right, honey. I love you, it’s all right.” I was crying tears of happiness and sadness at the same time.’

As she woke up, tears still streaming down her face, her husband was holding her and speaking softly to her: ‘I love you, it’s all right, honey. I love you, it’s all right, honey.’

Which was strange, she says, because ‘neither my dad nor my husband have ever called me honey before.’

She adds: ‘I will never be convinced that what happened that night was only a vivid dream. It was my reality, and I’m so grateful to have experienced it.

‘So is there an afterlife?’ she asks. ‘As far as I’m concerned, yes. Because my dad told me there is.’

Influencing Death: Reframing Dying for Better Living by Penny Hawkins Smith is published by GFB, January 14

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