IRAM RAMZAN: Let’s say ‘you’re fired’… to Lord Sugar himself

Let’s say ‘you’re fired’… to Lord Sugar himself: IRAM RAMZAN says it’s time for the BBC to put us all out of our misery

A toxic face cream that turned skin green. Pet food that looked like something the cat threw up. Drinking water rationed for diners in searing desert heat.

All this idiocy and much more could be found on The Apprentice, which has just completed its 17th series on BBC One.

But the truth is that what began as a serious and entertaining programme – which gave budding entrepreneurs a £100,000-a-year job with Lord Sugar – has gradually turned into another execrable Love Island-style reality TV show.

Today the annual quest for Britain’s best and brightest entrepreneurs is little more than a parade of the country’s most delusional fantasists. And yet, somehow, ‘Lord Sugar’s search for his next business partner continues’, as applications are already open for series 18.

So we can expect another cohort of men wearing three-piece suits to demonstrate just how serious they are but ruining the effect by sporting appallingly naff haircuts. And women who are all starting to look like clones, with trout pouts, microbladed brows and cheap hair extensions.

What began as a serious and entertaining programme – which gave budding entrepreneurs a £100,000-a-year job with Lord Sugar (pictured)  – has turned into another reality TV show

This is casting by Instagram and – surprise, surprise – it turns out that having tens of thousands of followers on social media isn’t a substitute for business acumen. In recent series – especially this one – candidates talk big and promise Lord Sugar a life-changing business opportunity before proving utterly clueless.

At one point, the plain-speaking tycoon, after flicking through the current crop’s boastful CVs, concluded that they contained ‘more crap than a Glastonbury toilet’. Their ineptitude and incompetence was demonstrated week after week – but some stand out.

In episode six, the hopefuls jetted off to Dubai where they put on a corporate away day for international clients. One team hadn’t ordered enough water and decided it was prudent to tell the thirsty guests – who’d spent the entire day on a desert adventure – that they were restricted to two glasses with their meal.

And let’s not forget the cringeworthy episode when they were tasked with designing a new men’s skincare product. It resulted in the creation of a vile cream that turned the users’ skin green, packaged in a tub that was supposed to be in the shape of a snake.

‘Looks like someone crapped out a mint aero,’ Lord Sugar barked at them. One by one, the Apprentices were whittled down to a final five to contest the much-awaited interview round in the penultimate week. Alongside Marnie and Rochelle in the all-female semi-final were hair extension specialist Dani Donovan, dessert parlour owner Megan Hornby and sweet-seller Victoria Goulbourne.

The Apprentice has just completed its 17th series on BBC One. And yet, somehow, 'Lord Sugar's search for his next business partner continues', as applications are already open for series 18

The Apprentice has just completed its 17th series on BBC One. And yet, somehow, ‘Lord Sugar’s search for his next business partner continues’, as applications are already open for series 18

Their business proposals and CVs were mercilessly critiqued by Lord Sugar’s most trusted and ferocious advisers: they included West Ham vice chairman Karren ‘you can call me Baroness’ Brady, investor Mike Soutar, multimillionaire businesswoman Linda Plant and serial entrepreneur Claude Littner.

This is usually a series highlight, but it really was slim pickings given the standard was so poor. Former flight attendant Victoria was informed by Linda that her ‘cottage industry’ pick ‘n’ mix idea was nothing new and she should go back to her old job: ‘The airlines need good stewardesses at the moment.’ Harsh but fair.

The Apprentice these days has too few genuinely business-savvy hopefuls and too many vacuous airheads who offer little but monumental self-belief. So perhaps it’s time for the BBC to point the finger at Lord Sugar and put us all out of our misery, with the words: ‘You’re fired!’

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