It is not Alan Partridge who’s the EU dinosaur

The other night I was invited to a gala Christmas dinner in London. At the next table was Steve Coogan, of Alan Partridge fame

The other night I was invited to a gala Christmas dinner in London. At the next table was Steve Coogan, of Alan Partridge fame.

The grand finale featured a band of guardsmen playing a Last Night of the Proms medley — Rule Britannia!, Land Of Hope And Glory, you know the drill.

Everyone stood up, linking arms, singing along, waving napkins. Everyone, that is, except Coogan and his acolytes. He looked as if the cat had done a whoopsie in his walnut brownie and Guinness ice cream. 

Given that Coogan is a socialist who supports Jeremy Corbyn, I’m assuming he’s read George Orwell’s 1941 essay The Lion And The Unicorn.

‘England is perhaps the only great country whose intellectuals are ashamed of their own nationality. 

In Left-wing circles it is always felt that there is something slightly disgraceful in being an Englishman and that it is a duty to snigger at every English institution, from horse racing to suet puddings.

‘It is a strange fact, but it is unquestionably true that almost any English intellectual would feel more ashamed of standing to attention during God Save The King than of stealing from a poor box.’

I’ve quoted those passages before, because so much wisdom in Orwell’s essay still applies to the modern Guardian-reading classes.

What has any of this got to do with Coogan? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I refer you to his remarks in the Radio Times, comparing the 17.4 million people who voted Leave in the EU referendum to ‘dinosaurs’ like Alan Partridge.

‘The world has coalesced into a situation that is sympathetic to Alan, which for me is quite depressing. Sometimes I agree with Alan but on Brexit I’m a Remainer, and I feel quite conflicted about it. But the fact is having a fool praise something is a far more powerful indictment than just criticising it.

‘He’s definitely a bit of a dinosaur. Unbelievably, you look around at the world now and see that there are still broadcasters with full-on, red-blooded Alan-like attitudes.

‘We thought we had thoroughly debunked that. It just shows how little influence you actually have on the national culture.’

Before I tip the statutory silver-handled bucketload of ordure over Coogan, let me emphasise that it’s nothing personal. I loved Alan Partridge and admire anyone with Coogan’s talent.

Before I tip the statutory silver-handled bucketload of ordure over Coogan, let me emphasise that it’s nothing personal. I loved Alan Partridge and admire anyone with Coogan’s talent

Before I tip the statutory silver-handled bucketload of ordure over Coogan, let me emphasise that it’s nothing personal. I loved Alan Partridge and admire anyone with Coogan’s talent

Nor would I dream of defending those journalists who hacked his mobile phone and turned him so fervently against the popular Press.

But, equally, I abhor self-regarding celebs who set themselves up as our moral arbiters and sneer at the masses who pay their wages.

The default position of gobby Remoaners is that everyone who voted Leave is either a gullible, brain-dead moron or a dyed-in-the-wool racist, who’d be better off dead — sooner rather than later.

Who are the real ‘dinosaurs’ — the majority who voted for Britain to become once-again a free-booting, sovereign nation, fully engaged with the rest of the world and equipped to respond to the fast-moving challenges of the 21st century?

Or those wedded to the idea of this great country as a supplicant of a stifling, sclerotic, anti-democratic European superstate, designed in the immediate aftermath of World War II, 70-odd years ago?

What really rankles about the likes of Coogan is not so much their imagined intellectual superiority but the fact that somehow they all still think they’re daring, anti-Establishment warriors.

Like New Labour in its arrogant pomp, they refuse to acknowledge that they are the Establishment today — just as the Red Nose ‘alternative’ comics of the Eighties turned into a Leftish version of the pro-celebrity golf crowd they always professed to despise.

Does Coogan really believe that he’d be invited by the BBC to bring back Alan Partridge from satellite television obscurity if he intended to mock the Remain cause?

What do you think?

The only reason Partridge is being revived is to add to the torrent of anti-Leave abuse on mainstream television.

‘Unbelievably, you look around at the world now and see that there are still broadcasters with full-on, red-blooded Alan-like attitudes.’

One of the most depressing things I read recently was the admirable Matt Lucas saying he wouldn’t make Little Britain today because it would offend too many people

One of the most depressing things I read recently was the admirable Matt Lucas saying he wouldn’t make Little Britain today because it would offend too many people

Eh? Where are all these ‘Alan-like’ pro-Brexit broadcasters, then? Certainly not on the BBC, which packs every news bulletin and quiz show with smug, self-regarding, pro-Remain conformists.

If Coogan really wanted to stand out from the herd, he’d create a character who ridiculed the Left-wing consensus, not reinforced it.

One of the most depressing things I read recently was the admirable Matt Lucas saying he wouldn’t make Little Britain today because it would offend too many people.

But what was so fabulous about that show was the way in which it slaughtered so many sacred cows — and made fun of every protected species from social workers to transsexuals.

Can you imagine how refreshing such a series would be today?

Where are the comedians who are prepared to send up the preposterous Chuka Umunnas and Anna Soubrys of this world? How about Chuka as Chucky, the deranged Remainer? Or Soubry as a drunken Edna-The-Inebriate-Woman bag lady, pining Shirley Valentine-style for her lost European gigolo?

Who is ‘brave’ enough to poke fun at the ridiculous Bob Geldof or satirise the intolerant ‘diversity’ fascists?

Coogan used to do some of the voices for Spitting Image, including Jimmy Savile. Would he reprise that role today — or depict Labour’s John McDonnell as a dead-eyed IRA godfather? That would be properly edgy and innovative.

Then again, he might surprise us all by reinventing Alan Partridge as a multi-millionaire Left-wing comedian who projectile vomits every time he hears the National Anthem. But I wouldn’t hold your breath. A-Ha!

Over the weekend, police treated us to photographs of the security measures to prevent a Berlin-style terror attack at Lincoln Christmas market.

Precautions included concrete barriers, overhead drones and armed officers on the streets.

In the first three days, 180,000 people attended without incident. Yet on Sunday, the market was cancelled when snow was forecast.

Simon Walters, ‘event commander’ — they do love their fancy titles, don’t they? — said the decision had been taken to ensure public safety.

Seventy coaches were turned away. Stall-holders lost money and caterer Tom Wilkinson said he had to throw away thousands of sausage rolls.

Inevitably, Lincoln only got a light dusting of snow on Sunday. So elf’n’safety succeeded where the terrorists failed.

Makes you proud to be British.

What if the boot was on the other foot?

Tory councillor Keith Prince

Tory councillor Keith Prince

The Tory councillor who oversees London’s transport network has apologised for a heated dispute he had with a woman passenger on a commuter train.

Why? The row, on the 8.50 from Dartford, Kent, was caught on video by another passenger, after Keith Prince told the woman to take her feet off his seat.

It escalated quickly and the woman subjected him to a torrent of foul-mouthed abuse and threatened to kick him in the groin. She took out her mobile phone, presumably to post the confrontation on social media, and said: ‘So I get on the train and this white idiot . . .’

When Mr Prince told her his wife was Nigerian, she replied: ‘Trust me, she doesn’t love you. I’m Nigerian, I know what women want.’

Fortunately, they cooled off and were laughing together by the time the train reached London. So what was Mr Prince apologising for? OK, so it was simply good manners. But he was in the right.

If anyone was owed an apology, he was.

I’m not suggesting this should have been taken any further — far from it.

But just imagine if the boot had been on the other foot, so to speak. What if he’d put his feet on the woman’s seat, threatened to assault her and called her a ‘black idiot’?

If she, or any other passenger, had claimed this was a ‘racist’ incident, you can bet your life the police would have become involved and Mr Prince would have found himself up in court charged with a ‘hate crime’.

His feet wouldn’t have touched . . .

  • Fair enough, I know I’m getting old and should probably pay more attention, but who — or what — is Georgia Toffolo? It sounds like something from the dessert menu in a trendy American barbecue joint. She’s as sweet as Toffolo honey . . . 

 



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