The Great British Bake Off
Tuesday, Channel 4
The World According To Putin
Wednesday, Channel 4
Rating: 
Not Going Out – Halloween Special
Wednesday, BBC1
Rating:
Baking. There’s just something about it. Creature comforts. Warmth. Texture. A sense of achievement. Starting from scratch and delighting in the finished product – if you can be bothered, of course (which, normally, I can’t, unless Noel Fielding was standing over me with a spatula; but I digress).
One of the highlights of my childhood was when my mum allowed me to ‘lick the bowl’, and I loved the combination of butter and sugar leftovers in the Kenwood mixer vat, in the days before the food-processing industry decided that thimble-sized bowls were the future. That was the only part of baking I truly enjoyed, because after the bowl-licking came the washing-up – a dozen or so pans, just for the dubious pleasure of wolfing down a sunken sponge.
The Bake Off judges begin their deliberations. The personal X Factor-style dramas that have increasingly become a feature of the show add nothing to it
I never understood why we couldn’t just buy one from Iceland that was far tastier and considerably less hassle. Like so much I craved in my childhood, Mum probably said ‘It’ll give you worms’ – a warning she administered about many foodstuffs (including Farley’s rusks and van-issued burgers) that, in later life, I realised was a euphemism for: ‘We can’t afford it’.
My mum died earlier this year and I found myself baking all the time. Welsh cakes. Cheese scones. Banana bread. Anything to recreate the smells that reminded me of her. I never realised flour could absorb so much grief.
The Great British Bake Off is a reminder of the pleasures of this simplest of human activities, albeit an often salutary lesson in how hard it is to get right, as the three finalists discovered. David overdid the Armagnac in his chocolate cake (is that possible? I mean, really?); Steph had several issues with her picnic ‘illusion’; while Alice cried when she heard her parents might not make it in time for the big day.
The personal X Factor-style dramas that have increasingly become a feature of the show add nothing to it. Neither does Sandi Toksvig in the Tents R Us garb she dons for the camera. Fielding, who is a fine comedian and actor, could easily manage the gig on his own and save us the embarrassment of the dreadful comedic (I use the word very loosely) exchanges between the pair. His sensitivity towards contestants injects drama into what is, at heart, a dull format.
Everyone’s final dishes looked astonishing, but was it worth the effort? Just one word: Sainsbury’s
Everyone’s final dishes looked astonishing, but was it worth the effort when there are such easily accessible alternatives out there? I’ll say just one word: Sainsbury’s.
In Britain we delight in making fun of television from around the world, but it took me 10 minutes to realise that The World According To Putin was actual footage and not a new satirical comedy show.
It began with the Russian president singing, which should have been a warning. It progressed to the contents of State TV which is, basically, a PR job for a guy who seems as harmless as a cuddly bear – a ‘people person’, ‘a Russian dreamer’. Aw, bless him. Please pop in for a cuppa next time you’re passing, Mr Putin.
This hugely entertaining documentary was as frightening as it was funny, and it let the material speak for itself – a rarity in factual films these days. The Russians’ take on UK politics was especially enlightening. What will they miss most about Theresa May? Her ‘Aeroflot costume’ when she met Putin; her ‘African dances’; and, especially, ‘We’ll miss her deep cleavage when she holds a glass of wine.’ (I’m sorry? Pardon?)
Also on the show is Anna Chapman, a former Russian spy who now has 500 documentaries under her belt, the most fascinating of which is ‘Who’s hiding the truth about carrots?’ Yes, the big issue furrowing the brows of Russians regarding Donald Trump is what the US president has against carrots.
Sally Bretton gets dressed up for the Not Going Out – Halloween Special. I was reminded of my mum again watching the consistently hilarious
One of the first things Trump allegedly did upon entering the White House was to remove all dishes from the menu that contained carrots. ‘This root vegetable could put Trump’s power at risk,’ said the broadcast, in what seemed like all seriousness.
Despite the younger generation rising up against what they perceive as the repressive state, the laissez-faire attitude towards the West, mainly Trump and Boris Johnson, was accurate, although disturbing: ‘Entertainers are in power… Let’s enjoy them.’
I was reminded of my mum again watching the consistently hilarious Not Going Out. I turned her on to comedian Lee Mack and she loved him as much as I do. She adored Peter Kay until he said the F word. She worshipped Michael McIntyre until he blasphemed. But she went to her grave with Lee’s genius intact. Thank you, Mr Mack.