Jessica Cunningham’s heartbreaking letter to her children

Former Apprentice contestant Jessica Cunningham has written a letter to her three children about the death of their father, Alistair Eccles.

Two months after the 35-year-old committed suicide at his home in Burnley, the mother-of-three, 30, has launched a website about parenting, in which she addresses their loss for the first time.

Jessica, who also starred in Celebrity Big Brother in 2016, speaks of her anguish about explaining the death to her three young daughters – aged six, four and three – with a heart-wrenching sign off: ‘My beautiful girls, you grew up way too soon.’

 

Finding the right words: Jessica Cunningham (centre) has written a letter to explain the death of her ex-partner Alistair Eccles, in August, to his three daughters (pictured)

Jessica’s ex-partner Alistair was found on a Friday morning in August when he was due to collect his children from their mother’s house but what followed ‘changed their lives forever,’ Jessica writes.

‘You were all still sleeping silently and innocently in bed without a care in the world. Too little to understand the true extent of what had happened, and too young to deserve this unfairness of life.

‘One by one as I heard your tiny footsteps come down the stairs, my heart sank deeper into the pit of my stomach knowing I would have to tell you that daddy would not be picking you up this morning.

Tough to explain: The former Apprentice contestant (here in April) launched a new mothering blog, in which she attempts to explain the suicide to her children

Devastating loss: The girls’ father Alistair Eccles (pictured) took his own life in August

‘Even writing this letter and re-living those moments, I see you clearly and remember how much smaller you seemed.’

She says she asked her ‘beautiful children’ what they knew about death, and they said: ‘When we die, we go to heaven, we sit on a cloud and we wave to the people we love.’

Jessica continued: ‘I wanted you to remember a day a little less painful, so we went on a walk and we talked about life and death. About heaven, about the clouds, about our souls and what we believe happens when we die.’ 

Focus on family: The brunette talked about the heart-wrenching moment she had to tell her girls that their dad would not collect them, on the morning he was found dead

And addressing the moment that she told them about their father’s death, Jessica recalls: ‘The pain in your eyes, the noise of your cry and the feeling of helplessness when I held you tight made me more determined to give you all that I have and be all that you need.’ 

The TV star explains her torment over the decision to let her children say goodbye to their father, following his death, and how she was certain it was something they would not regret.

On understanding his suicide, she added of her children: ‘When the time is right, you will understand what happened and that he took his own life. You will know that it was not your fault, that you, nor I, could change what happened. 

‘That sometimes it’s just too late to save those that don’t know they need help. That the path to destruction is often unseen, and a person can walk with many, but feel so alone, so they search for a high that life can not give.

Stepping back: Jessica (here in April) went on to explore the life of a ‘z list celebrity’ she says on her blog, after starring on The Apprentice and Celebrity Big Brother 

Entrepreneur: She already has a successful fashion business, The Prodigal Fox, which earned her a spot on The Apprentice in 2016 (pictured in green, with Lord Sugar – centre – and the other contestants)

Promising to surround her children with love, she goes on: ‘The void may never be filled from the loss of your father but I will help you to make the right choices, I will be the best teacher I can, and you will lead happy and normal lives. I promise you that.’ 

Jessica’s post is dated September 4, 2017, a mere few weeks after Alistair’s passing, yet her new website launched on Tuesday. 

A spokesman for Jessica told MailOnline at the time of Alistair’s death: ‘Despite their break up, Alistair was a really good father to their children.’

The spokesman added: ‘Jessica is politely asking for some privacy at this devastating time so that she can protect their three girls.’

New love: Weeks before the death, Jessica had only just begun to share her delight at finding love again, with boyfriend Alex Daw (pictured)

She had not long since raved about finding love again with new boyfriend Alex Daw and how opportunities were beginning to come her way.

Jessica had written on Instagram: ‘For all the single parents out there… DO NOT SETTLE. I always said the right person will come along at the right time and he did.

‘Being a single mum can come with insecurities and questions such as “am I good enough”, “will someone accept me and my children” “will I be in the same situation again” 

Queen 1: Jessica is keen to surround her children with love during their lives

Queen 2: She has vowed to protect them and help them understand the suicide when they’re ready

Queen 3: Jessica previously said that she and her ex maintained a strong relationship after their split

‘I had loads of questions, so I decided not to worry about finding love, but to work harder, be the best version of myself for my children and to give my all in every possible situation.’ 

Since the death of her ex-partner, the entrepreneur, who set up her own fashion business The Prodigal Fox, has taken a step back from the spotlight to focus on being a good mum and is now writing about it online, undeterred by the confession that she is dyslexic.

Her blog, ‘Mother Of Maniacs’ or ‘MOM’ pays homage to her three queens, her daughters, and addresses a new way of living, she says. 

Life has changed forever: Jessica’s life as she knew it has changed forever

A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTERS           BY JESSICA CUNNINGHAM 

My darling daughters, how will I ever know if I am going to be enough for you to get through the tragedy that instantly changed you and made you grow up way too soon. All I can promise you is that I will be here for every tear, every moment of sadness and for every moment of joy.

The morning I heard the news of your father’s death changed our lives forever. You were all still sleeping silently and innocently in bed without a care in the world. Too little to understand the true extent of what had happened, and too young to deserve this unfairness of life.

One by one as I heard your tiny footsteps come down the stairs, my heart sank deeper into the pit of my stomach knowing I would have to tell you that daddy would not be picking you up this morning.

Even writing this letter and re-living those moments, I see you clearly and remember how much smaller you seemed. I wanted you to remember that day a little less painful, so we went on a walk and we talked about life and death. About heaven, about the clouds, about our souls and what we believe happens when we die.

My beautiful children, you told me that when we die, we go to heaven, we sit on a cloud and we wave to the people we love. Then I told you, that your daddy had died.

The pain in your eyes, the noise of your cry and the feeling of helplessness when I held you tight made me more determined to give you all that I have and be all that you need.

The choices I had to make were difficult and hard, but the love and support from our family and friends helped you to see the light that was there. You had to say goodbye to your father, I knew this was something that you would never regret, that would give you the chance to say goodbye and in your own way. A goodbye that came too early and should not have been spoken at 6, 4 and 3.

I wish I could take your pain away, that I, not you, could feel the pain in your heart, that I could be in your shoes, and you in mine. Then the world wouldn’t seem so unfair. You would understand that sometimes things that should never have happened, can not be undone. You would understand that with time there comes peace, with love there comes joy and with death there comes life.

Life is so precious and it is here to be lived, life is about happiness and the things that are free. Whatever your troubles, I am here and I hear you. I want to guide you through the darkness and into the light, I want to hold your little hands until they outgrow mine and I want my love to ease your pain.

When the time is right, you will understand what happened and that he took his own life. You will know that it was not your fault, that you, nor I, could change what happened. That sometimes its just too late to save those that don’t know they need help. That the path to destruction is often unseen, and a person can walk with many, but feel so alone, so they search for a high that life can not give.

My promise to you is to surround you with love, to treasure your souls, and to guide you with courage.The void may never be filled from the loss of your father, but I will help you to make the right choices, I will be the best teacher I can, and you will lead happy and normal lives.

I promise you that.

My beautiful girls, you grew up way too soon.

My love always

Mummy

Words: Mother Of Maniacs 

 

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