Jim Shelley reviews Made In Chelsea Christmas special

Festive cheer was in noticeably short supply on the Christmas edition of Made In Chelsea – a combination of the usual feuds and the fact most of it appeared to have been filmed in September.

Either that or Sloane Square has its own microclimate.

This didn’t stop Sam Thompson from lowering the tone even further than normal when he reminisced about his sister Louise.

 

Loved-up: Ryan Libbey romantically put a ring on Louise Thompson’s finger (the RIGHT hand he insisted less romantically) on the Made In Chelsea Christmas special which aired on Monday night

‘She used to be the most Christmassy girl ever!’ he told her boyfriend Ryan ‘the Ry-Man’ Gymbunny.

‘Then one Christmas our parents took us to see Santa and she s**t on his lap!’

Viewers who thought Sam must have said ‘she sat on Santa’s lap’ realised they were sadly mistaken as he concluded: ‘Ever since then she’s never been into Christmas!’

And ever since this story/image neither had we. 

True love: The beefy personal trainer presented her with a 'promise ring', despite learning from her younger brother Sam that she once defecated on Santa Claus

True love: The beefy personal trainer presented her with a ‘promise ring’, despite learning from her younger brother Sam that she once defecated on Santa Claus

Unromantic: The truly lovely moment,  was spoiled by him emphasising: 'obviously it’s the right hand so it’s not an engagement ring!'

Unromantic: The truly lovely moment,  was spoiled by him emphasising: ‘obviously it’s the right hand so it’s not an engagement ring!’

He didn’t mention how old Louise was at the time but she was blushing so furiously her face was bright orange, or rather brighter.

Predictably, enjoyably, glad tidings were generally absent as Frankie Gaff and Olivia Bentley continued their spat from last week’s turbulent dinner party.

‘I can’t believe the other night,’ Frankie lamented to Habbs and her lovely hair. 

‘It was a conversation Jamie and I should’ve had privately.’

She looked gloriously/bewilderingly untroubled by the minor detail this was the whole point of the programme.

At loggerheads: Predictably, enjoyably, glad tidings were generally absent as Frankie Gaff and Olivia Bentley continued their spat from last week’s turbulent dinner party

At loggerheads: Predictably, enjoyably, glad tidings were generally absent as Frankie Gaff and Olivia Bentley continued their spat from last week’s turbulent dinner party

Turbulent friendship: 'It was really sad to watch,' sighed Habbs as Frankie discussed her argument with Liv the other night 

Turbulent friendship: ‘It was really sad to watch,’ sighed Habbs as Frankie discussed her argument with Liv the other night 

‘It was really sad to watch,’ sighed Habbs, a sentiment that as viewers we know all too well. 

Gaff revealed Liv had then sent her a series of texts that culminated with the message: ‘go f**k yourself!’

Not very seasonal, even for summer…

Ms Gaff returned fire with the accusation that Olivia was ‘a lying little b***h’ and her boyfriend Digby ‘wet.’

An outrageous suggestion obviously… 

Trouble in Chelsea: Gaff revealed Liv had sent her a series of texts that culminated with the message: 'go f**k yourself!'

Trouble in Chelsea: Gaff revealed Liv had sent her a series of texts that culminated with the message: ‘go f**k yourself!’

Ferocious dig: Ms Gaff returned fire with the accusation that Olivia was 'a lying little b***h' and her boyfriend Digby 'wet'

Ferocious dig: Ms Gaff returned fire with the accusation that Olivia was ‘a lying little b***h’ and her boyfriend Digby ‘wet’

Fiesty: Olivia meanwhile told Frankie she was 'spoilt' and repeated the opinion that had sparked the fight at the dinner

Fiesty: Olivia meanwhile told Frankie she was ‘spoilt’ and repeated the opinion that had sparked the fight at the dinner

Olivia meanwhile told Frankie she was ‘spoilt’ and repeated the opinion that had sparked the fight at the dinner: that Frankie had only been seeing James to make Jamie jealous.

Bizarrely, despite vehemently denying this, Frankie later cited the fall out with Olivia as one of her reasons for dumping James.

‘James is upsetting Jamie,’ she posited to Habbs. ‘And my friendship with Jamie is my priority.’

No wonder Habbs looked confused, although admittedly it didn’t take much.

Puzzled: Bizarrely, despite vehemently denying this, Frankie later cited the fall out with Olivia as one of her reasons for dumping James- no wonder Habbs looked confused

Puzzled: Bizarrely, despite vehemently denying this, Frankie later cited the fall out with Olivia as one of her reasons for dumping James- no wonder Habbs looked confused

James received the news at Frankie’s – an exchange that set a new Personal Best for the most quintessentially Made In Chelsea-esque scene of all time.

‘How are you?’ mumbled James – the traditional/obligatory MIC greeting.

‘Good,’ said Frankie. ‘How are you?’

‘These are for you,’ James continued, presenting her with roses.

‘Thank you!’ she beamed.

‘You ok?’ he began again.

Awkward: James received the news at Frankie’s – an exchange that set a new Personal Best for the most quintessentially Made In Chelsea-esque scene of all time

Awkward: James received the news at Frankie’s – an exchange that set a new Personal Best for the most quintessentially Made In Chelsea-esque scene of all time

‘Good. How are you?’ she replied/repeated.

‘I’m alright. I don’t really buy flowers much so…’

‘I haven’t had flowers in so long!’ she trilled.

‘How are you?’ he asked, possibly checking nothing had happened since the previous question.

‘Good! How are you?’  she confirmed, setting his/our mind at ease.

Uncomfortable: The interaction was like watching two of the robots on Westworld, suffering glitches (only less interesting)

Uncomfortable: The interaction was like watching two of the robots on Westworld, suffering glitches (only less interesting)

‘I’m alright,’ he murmured. ‘How are you?’

It was like watching two of the robots on Westworld, suffering glitches (only less interesting).

After all that Frankie revealed she wasn’t ‘good’ anyway but so ‘upset’ about Jamie, Olivia, and the dinner party that she had decided to ‘be on my own’, claiming: ‘I just can’t bothered with the drama.’

Again, the idea of the show…

‘That’s a shame,’ he responded. ‘Because you’re kind of letting everyone dictate your life.’

‘I am but I’m not at the same time,’ said Frankie, as profoundly as a six year-old.

Lothario: The show’s main cad Harry Baron had been pursuing Habbs (principally because of the appeal/challenge of stealing her off Alex Mytton)

Lothario: The show’s main cad Harry Baron had been pursuing Habbs (principally because of the appeal/challenge of stealing her off Alex Mytton)

Who to choose? But when Harry heard that Frankie (his previous target) was single again it momentarily threw him – like a baboon being dazzled by two shiny objects (sex objects)

Who to choose? But when Harry heard that Frankie (his previous target) was single again it momentarily threw him – like a baboon being dazzled by two shiny objects (sex objects)

The show’s main cad Harry Baron had been pursuing Habbs (principally because of the appeal/challenge of stealing her off Alex Mytton).

But when Harry heard that Frankie (his previous target) was single again it momentarily threw him – like a baboon being dazzled by two shiny objects (sex objects).

Harry was such a shameless chauvinist swine even Mytton said he was a ‘snake’, losing his cool for once advising Baron to ‘get out of my business! Just f**k off man!’

Nonetheless Mytton admitted Habbs wasn’t enough of his ‘business’ to consider buying her a Christmas present, musing ‘maybe next year.’

He even went so far as to bleat to Bentley, Digby, and Mimi: ‘being single at Christmas is a tough time’

(#PrayForAlex).

Smooch under the mistletoe: Nonetheless Mytton admitted Habbs wasn’t enough of his ‘business’ to consider buying her a Christmas present, musing ‘maybe next year.’

Smooch under the mistletoe: Nonetheless Mytton admitted Habbs wasn’t enough of his ‘business’ to consider buying her a Christmas present, musing ‘maybe next year.’

Hopefully, Bob Geldof is organising a new Band Aid single for him as we speak.

Luckily, naturally, the scriptwriters ensured that there was some more positive sentiment to balance the levels of poison.

Alex Mytton gave Digby a solution to his problem about what to give Olivia for Christmas.

‘A big enough present is just telling her that you love her,’ Mytton suggested even though Olivia had been hoping for a handbag.

Guidance: Alex Mytton gave Digby a solution to his problem about what to give Olivia for Christmas

Guidance: Alex Mytton gave Digby a solution to his problem about what to give Olivia for Christmas

Even then Digby found the idea daunting, confessing he’d never felt this way before.

‘It’s a big thing though,’ he trembled.

‘Love is big,’ Mytton reassured him gnomically.

Ah so… Or something similar.

When he did, Olivia was duly so thrilled she forgot all about the fact that she had bought him a present and he hadn’t got her one.

Love was in the air later too.

Cute: 'I’ve got her present. I’ve got her a ring,' the Ry-Man announced to Louise’s brother, before blurting hastily: 'it’s a Promise ring. It’s not an engagement ring, it’s not an engagement ring, it’s not an engagement ring!'

Cute: ‘I’ve got her present. I’ve got her a ring,’ the Ry-Man announced to Louise’s brother, before blurting hastily: ‘it’s a Promise ring. It’s not an engagement ring, it’s not an engagement ring, it’s not an engagement ring!’

Standing together: Before Ryan gave it to her (the ring that is), he made a speech. This year they had been through some 'hard times' he reflected, 'but throughout it all you’ve stuck by me and supported me'

Standing together: Before Ryan gave it to her (the ring that is), he made a speech. This year they had been through some ‘hard times’ he reflected, ‘but throughout it all you’ve stuck by me and supported me’

She and Ryan were spending Christmas together – ‘going round to mumm-air’s hice’ as Louise would put it, trying to sound as posh as the other girls.

‘I’ve got her present. I’ve got her a ring,’ the Ry-Man announced to Louise’s brother, before blurting hastily: ‘it’s a Promise ring. It’s not an engagement ring, it’s not an engagement ring, it’s not an engagement ring!’

Whether he wanted to reassure Sam or himself wasn’t clear.

Before Ryan gave it to her (the ring that is), he made a speech naturally. (It was in the script.)

This year they had been through some ‘hard times’ he reflected, ‘but throughout it all you’ve stuck by me and supported me.’

Blunder: He took the jewellery box out of his pocket. 'Give me your right hand,’ he instructed her, obviously panicking. ‘NOT your left hand!’

Blunder: He took the jewellery box out of his pocket. ‘Give me your right hand,’ he instructed her, obviously panicking. ‘NOT your left hand!’

He obviously hadn’t seen MIC two months ago when Louise had spent the entire episode telling anyone who’d listen (and some that didn’t) how she and Ryan were ‘in a rut’, ‘never had sex any more’, and ‘never have fun together.’

‘He does nort make me laugh,’ she moaned to Jamie, Liv, and the viewers. ‘I can’t remember the last time I laughed.’

We knew the feeling.

‘I’ve never been in this position where I’m so in love with someone,’ he carried on pontificating (apart from himself obviously). ‘Which is why I’ve got you something special.’

He took the jewellery box out of his pocket.

‘Give me your right hand,’ he instructed her, obviously panicking. ‘NOT your left hand!’

‘Oh my Gord!’ Louise squealed. ‘It’s a ring Bub!’

It was a truly lovely moment, which he spoiled by emphasising: ‘obviously it’s the right hand so it’s not an engagement ring!’

And they say romance is dead…

Hopeless romantic: 'It’s a Promise ring, and this is a promise to you that one day – soon - I shall take a ring and put it on the other hand and we’ll be together forever'

Hopeless romantic: ‘It’s a Promise ring, and this is a promise to you that one day – soon – I shall take a ring and put it on the other hand and we’ll be together forever’

Under the thumb: You could tell that, in Louise’s eyes, this meant it basically was an engagement ring

Under the thumb: You could tell that, in Louise’s eyes, this meant it basically was an engagement ring

‘It’s a Promise ring, and this is a promise to you that one day – soon – I shall take a ring and put it on the other hand and we’ll be together forever.’

You could tell that, in Louise’s eyes, this meant it basically was an engagement ring.

It was all too much for poor Ryan, who despite the hours/weeks/years at the gym is a fragile, sensitive, flower.

‘Are you actual-air crying?!’ Louise smiled, sounding delighted.

‘God, why am I getting emotional?’ Ryan quivered – a rhetorical question if ever there was one.

We all knew the answer: fear.  

Feeling scared? 'God, why am I getting emotional?' Ryan quivered – a rhetorical question if ever there was one

Feeling scared? ‘God, why am I getting emotional?’ Ryan quivered – a rhetorical question if ever there was one



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