Lawyer and body language tricks: The exact phrase to say when you receive a bad apology

A lawyer has revealed three fool-proof phrases you should use when you’re faced with someone who refuses to give you a sincere apology.

Jefferson Fisher is a speech and legal expert – and he recently warned that a ‘bad apology’ can heighten your emotions and give you less bargaining power in a conversation.

The lawyer broke down three kinds of apologies – ‘no empathy’, ‘no apology’, and ‘excuses’ – and explained the best ways to combat them.

Jefferson argued that acknowledging the other person’s ‘non-apology’ and being more specific about what you need them to say will work wonders.

He claimed that using a single sentence to point out a person’s rude behaviour will corner them into acknowledging their mistake and giving you the apology you deserve. 

The ‘no empathy’ apology

The main indicator of a ‘no empathy’ apology is when people say: ‘Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.’

Jefferson advised that instead of getting upset and going off on a tangent, simply say: ‘Don’t apologise for my feelings, apologise for what you did.’ 

‘You need to accept that you’re accountable for your own feelings, and they need to be accountable for theirs,’ he said in a video.

Many people use specific language to shift blame onto someone else and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

The ‘no apology’ apology

Jefferson revealed that people often respond to a tense situation by saying: ‘I’m sorry you’re offended.’

Similar to the ‘no empathy’ apology, you need to bring focus onto their actions instead of your reaction.

‘You need to tell them to apologise for the cause, not the effect,’ the lawyer said. 

The ‘excuse’ apology

People tend to blame the circumstances around them for their poor actions in lieu of a sincere expression of regret.

‘If someone says they’re sorry but they’ve just been really stressed, then listen to this,’ Jefferson said.

He usually recommends people take away the power of the excuse by acknowledging that it’s an insufficient reason.

‘Tell them they don’t need to apologise for what their stress did to them,’ he said.

‘But they do need to apologise for what it did to you.’ 

A lawyer has revealed three fool-proof phrases you should use when you’re faced with someone who refuses to give you a sincere apology

Many thanked Jefferson for his advice, but shared their experiences with difficult people.

‘As soon as I hear a ‘but’ – it’s not an apology,’ a woman said.

‘It’s still very difficult with a narcissist,’ another woman revealed. ‘I never hear genuine apologies or get changed behaviour.’

‘This is great advice – I’ve needed it for years!’ a third wrote.