Sexual communication seems easy when we first fall in love, doesn’t it? Everything is urgent — each gesture, each whisper and touch is a crystal-clear declaration of desire.
But when that first bloom of passion eventually transitions into deep partnership and shared lives, why does it often seem that physical intimacy gets more difficult? Really, shouldn’t it be the other way around?
There is a perfectly good reason why you may be struggling to connect with your beloved in bed, though, and it’s that you are simply not speaking the same ‘lust language’.
As one of France’s leading sex columnists, I know a thing or two about passion. You have probably heard of ‘love languages’, the idea that we each belong to a different tribe when it comes to the behaviours that make us feel close to a partner.
Sexual communication isn’t easy so France’s leading sex columnist Maia Mazaurette has created a quiz that promises to reignite passion in your relationship
But I’m fascinated by the idea that we speak one of several distinct ‘lust languages’ too. And that if that language — the style of attitudes and atmosphere that lights your sexual fire — is different from your partner’s, you create a mismatch in the boudoir once the first dopamine hit of a new relationship wears away. Suddenly, that person you thought you knew completely can feel like a stranger lying next to you.
And yes, it can even happen to French couples! I have worked in the field of sex for 20 years and the Parisians I meet — no matter how amoureuse — are just as baffled by the feeling of having misplaced that spark, like an errant set of car keys.
Scary? Sure. But there is good news, too. To help them and you investigate your desire and what unlocks it further, I have identified six sexual archetypes — or ‘erotic blueprints’ — and given them each a corresponding animal, inspired by the animal names given to lovemaking styles in the Kama Sutra.
Once the first flush of love fades, the person lying next to you can suddenly feel like a stranger…
I have also devised a quiz to guide you to your very own sexual blueprint — and that of your partner.
You may feel that what turns you on is intensely personal but, in my experience, individuals really do tend to fall into one of these six patterns.
So take a deep breath, drop those shoulders and realise you are primed and ready to have the conversations that will lead to the best sex of your life. Because knowing where you and your partner land on the erotic map can be a powerful tool for mutual pleasure, as well as the key to unlocking your own passionate nature.
And it’s not just your sex life that will reap the benefits. Understanding your lust language can act as a pressure release valve, providing a space for you to get to know yourself more fully and move through the world — whether in work or friendships — more confidently, too.
Remember, of course, that in sex, as in life, there are no fixed rules. Our erotic archetypes can change over time, just as we do.
We exist on a spectrum, never at a fixed point. What’s important is finding a place to start, a diving board from which we can leap together into those warm, relaxing waters of naughty fun.
If you’ve planned some quality physical time with your partner, what’s the first thing you do?
So take the quiz to find your lust language — and whether it’s Wolf, Kitten, Rooster, Peacock, Tiger, or Coyote, open up the conversation with your partner, so your inner animals can come out to play. You won’t regret it.
TAKE THE QUIZ
1. If you’ve planned some quality physical time with your partner, what’s the first thing you do?
a) Make sure everything in the room is placed ‘just so’.
b) Reach for the phone and send them a naughty text about how excited you are.
c) Ask if you can throw out the anticipation and change the date to ‘right now’.
d) Give your partner a fantasy list of possible activities to think about.
e) Invest in a sexy gadget and plan how you’ll use it.
f) Reflect on past encounters and what gets your lover hot and bothered.
2. If you and your soulmate were stuck on a desert island for a week, what is the one thing that you could not live without?
a) A toothbrush.
b) An adult board game.
c) A chic outfit that you can tear off and leave behind.
d) New lingerie.
e) Batteries for your, ahem, toy collection.
f) The gift that you’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to give.
3. Which of these is the sexiest location?
a) A warm room lit with scented candles.
b) An ‘escape room’ activity centre that offers a mental challenge.
c) Anywhere with a door that can be locked.
d) The office.
e) Somewhere unexpected you’ve never been before.
f) Your partner’s favourite restaurant.
Understanding your lust language can act as a pressure release valve, providing a space for you to get to know yourself more fully and move through the world
4. If you were asked to try a saucy roleplay, which profession would you choose?
a) Classical musician
c) Delivery person
f) Massage therapist
5. Which film love affair do you relate to most?
a) Sensual and classic: Casablanca.
b) Tormented and forbidden: Twilight.
c) Urgent and epic: Titanic.
d) Poised and powerful: Secretary.
e) Naughty and adventurous: Fifty Shades of Grey.
f) Selfless and connected: The Notebook.
6. On a perfect date, what is one thing you couldn’t do without?
a) Your favourite music playlist
b) Reservations at a fancy restaurant.
c) The bill, tout de suite, so you can both get back to yours. ,
e) A partner (and preferably an audience) hanging on your every word.
f) The outfit that your partner adores.
7. If your dream sex life was a storytelling genre, what would it be?
a) Romantic comedy.
c) Thrilling mystery.
d) Science fiction.
e) High fantasy.
f) Depends on who I’m dating.
8. If we were to cook up desire, which item on the shopping list would you be?
a) A freshly baked croissant.
b) Strawberries and cream.
c) A ripe avocado.
d) A freshly cut mango.
e) A Thai chilli pepper.
f) Sea salt.
We exist on a spectrum, never at a fixed point. What’s important is finding a place to start, a diving board from which we can leap together into those warm, relaxing waters of naughty fun
9. If you and your partner had one dance to sum up your connection, what would it be?
a) Sensual rumba.
b) Slow-heat salsa.
c) Athletic swing.
d) Flamboyant flamenco.
e) Connected-at-the-hip tango.
f) Elegantly partnered waltz.
10. When your friends bring up sex at a cocktail party, how do you react?
a) Take a long, slow sip of gin and smile at your partner.
b) Touch your lover’s knee under the table.
c) Excuse yourself and follow your lover to a dark corner.
d) Dive into a racy anecdote about ‘that time I had the best sex of my life’.
e) Ask lots of questions about their experiences.
f) Let your partner speak, then follow their lead.
And now for the answers. Feel free to share with your partner, or even better, have them take the quiz as well…
What your result means for you – and your partner
Mostly As: The Kitten
Sensual, subtle and highly attuned to their surroundings, the kitten embraces ambience and romance. You are strongly connected to all the senses — taste, touch, smell, sound and sight all combine and entangle to heighten desire.
You delight in creating a special environment for lovemaking, be it lighting candles, selecting music, applying perfume or wearing lingerie.
When it’s time to reconnect with your desire, pay attention to what’s around you and give yourself the time to let your senses come to life.
If your partner is a kitten, providing a space for lovemaking with deep care will score you top marks — try adding textures such as luxurious new sheets, downloading a special playlist for the bedroom, or leaving roses at the door.
MATCH OR CLASH? Kittens can’t go wrong with a Wolf, delighted as you are to set the scene for playtime. Roosters can be a bit of a challenge, though, as they love to rush towards a conclusion — try setting the mood with a quick spritz of perfume or taking a moment to light candles.
Wolves enjoy the chase above all things. Filled with energy and longing, and adoring the tension desire brings, you love the game of sex
Mostly Bs: The Wolf
Wolves enjoy the chase above all things. Filled with energy and longing, and adoring the tension desire brings, you love the game of sex.
Sending naughty texts over a long work day, leaving small notes and gifts for your partner to discover, and challenging yourself to delay gratification all bring a flush to your cheeks. Wolves feel connected when their sense of play and distance is enthusiastically embraced.
Dating a wolf? Create a bit of fun and revel in the moments before the door clicks shut.
Leave a series of clues around the house, one leading to the next, ending with you as the prize at the end of the hunt. Surprise your wolf with a shocking photo in the morning, letting them know exactly what’s waiting for them at home. Above all, remember that waning desire with wolves has nothing to do with you, but rather with their natural aversion to rhythm and repetition.
MATCH OR CLASH? Kittens enjoy the game of sex as much as you do, so have fun building a world of adventure. Take care around Peacocks, though, who may become impatient with your sense of play. Try sending them compliments throughout the day — you’ll feel you’re on the prowl and they’ll love the attention.
The Rooster is powerfully sexual, urgently ardent and ready to go. You’re thrilled by the idea of immediate, passionate sex, anywhere and any time
Mostly Cs: The Rooster
The Rooster is powerfully sexual, urgently ardent and ready to go. You’re thrilled by the idea of immediate, passionate sex, anywhere and any time. Lovemaking in unusual places is a major turn-on, as is that look in your partner’s eyes when he or she makes it clear that you’re wanted, right here and right now.
If a Rooster’s captured your heart, spontaneity and immediacy are the key. Of course, finding those moments can be a challenge for a couple as time goes by; take the pressure off by realising no one gets what they want all the time — ice cream once a month tastes far better than three times a day. Try surprising them every now and then with spontaneous sex, and communicate your needs in return.
MATCH OR CLASH? Like the Rooster, Tigers are always ready and willing to get down to business. However, dating a Kitten will require some effort, as they seek to delay and savour intimacy. You need to work together to find a balance that satisfies.
Mostly Ds: The Peacock
Peacocks love to be seen, to be complimented and to feel that glorious safety and support when their partner desires them. Games embracing power dynamics are often a focus for Peacocks, either in the dominant role with consent to exert control, or being protected and revelling in total attention. Sexy clothing and exhibitionism may get your blood boiling.
Partnering with a Peacock can be a joy, as communicating your needs and desire for them will be rewarded to the fullest. But moments of struggle at work or in life can knock Peacocks quickly off their sexual centre.
Don’t sit on that compliment you meant to give, they’ll pay you back a thousand fold.
A Peacock dating a Peacock? It could be a rocky road. There are only so many pairs of eyes to go around, and you may find yourself getting irritated that you’re not the centre of the party.
MATCH OR CLASH? A Coyote will be happy to let you have centre stage. Be wary of Wolves, who like to play hard to get — try focusing on a teasing build-up to sex.
Stalking through the world with a hunger for experience, tigers celebrate their kinky side and enjoy talking about it
Mostly Es: The Tiger
Stalking through the world with a hunger for experience, tigers celebrate their kinky side and enjoy talking about it. You’re excited by the idea of transgressing now and then, and adding new layers of spice or adventure. Tigers may also enjoy discussing fantasies or finding safe ways to act them out.
Sharing life with a Tiger means exploring boundaries and allowing for growth. Open, accepting communication with them is absolutely vital. An appetite for transgression doesn’t equal betrayal of your partner, but it does mean that the two of you together need to be clear about what’s fun and playful for you both, and what goes too far.
MATCH OR CLASH? Roosters are your partner in crime, ready to explore at a moment’s notice. Coyotes can be too laidback — you’ll need to win them over by communicating why the thought of trying something new is such a turn-on
Mostly Fs: The Coyote
Famous in North American mythology as a wily trickster and shapeshifter, the Coyote erotic archetype is fluidity personified. You’re eager to see your partner excited and desire, above all, to see them enjoying themselves. You love enthusiastic, vocal sex, and check in often to make sure pleasure is on the menu. Openminded, the Coyote thrives when helping fantasies come true.
Dating a Coyote requires comfort with your own desire and a pleasure in talking about it — let them know what excites you and understand they want to be a part of it.
Coyotes might seem non-committal at challenging moments in a partnership, unsure how to speak about what’s bothering them. Help them by putting your best foot forward clearly and they will relax.
Take things slowly if you’re a Coyote in the arms of another Coyote, though. Some long nights may lie ahead, waiting for your partner to make the first move while they wait for you.
MATCH OR CLASH? A Peacock will take the lead, allowing you to relax and enjoy yourself. Tigers are a handful and might need more assertive energy than you’re prepared to give. Start by talking through their desires — knowing what turns them on might be the incentive you need to try something new.
Read more at DailyMail.co.uk