Lingerie model reveals her secret anorgasmia battle

A lingerie model who was unable to climax during sex for almost ten years has revealed how past lovers told her she was ‘too difficult to please’.

Amy Gledhill, from Leicester, has suffered from situational anorgasmia – meaning she can’t orgasm in certain circumstances – since she first became sexually active.

The 26-year-old, who works in construction but also works as a burlesque artist, has spent years feeling ashamed of her condition, at one point so self-conscious she would hide under the sheets during sex.

Despite now being in a happy relationship with a long-term partner, Amy still regularly struggles to climax.

‘Embarrassing’: Lingerie model Amy Gledhill has suffered from situational anorgasmia – meaning she can’t orgasm in certain circumstances – since the age of 17

Amy, who has been in a relationship with Mike Rollason (pictured) for over a year, said: 'My current relationship has been so much more supportive, he has spent more time on me finding out what I like and what turns me on'

Amy, who has been in a relationship with Mike Rollason (pictured) for over a year, said: ‘My current relationship has been so much more supportive, he has spent more time on me finding out what I like and what turns me on’

In a last-ditch attempt to treat the condition, Amy recently underwent psychosensual treatment with relationships and sex mentor Colin Richards to help identify the causes of her problem.

She told MailOnline: ‘Being so open about sex and relationships, people are often surprised that I have situational anorgasmia but I don’t think they put this and the burlesque together.’

Recalling the first time she became aware of the condition aged 17, Amy explained: ‘I was never able to orgasm during all forms of sex or masturbating in front of or with partners.

‘It wasn’t a sudden realisation, but over a period of time I became aware I wasn’t climaxing unless I was on my own.

The 26-year-old works in construction but has also worked as a burlesque artist (pictured here in costume), and has spent years feeling ashamed of the condition

The 26-year-old works in construction but has also worked as a burlesque artist (pictured here in costume), and has spent years feeling ashamed of the condition

Brave: In an attempt to treat the condition, Amy recently underwent psychosensual treatment with relationships and sex mentor Colin Richards to help identify the causes of her problem'

Brave: In an attempt to treat the condition, Amy recently underwent psychosensual treatment with relationships and sex mentor Colin Richards to help identify the causes of her problem’

‘You read [magazines] and hear all the different ways to give and receive pleasure, and see multiple orgasms in porn, and you assume every woman is capable of such easy pleasure.’

Amy spent many years thinking there was ‘something wrong’ with her as she began feeling increasingly self-conscious during sex and ‘under pressure to perform’.

She said: ‘In the past, it has been commented that I’m “difficult” to please. That breaks down the bond you’d ideally like to have with a partner and makes it seem very one-sided. 

‘As relationships have gone on and I’ve become more comfortable with partners, I have been able to relax more and found a way of masturbating with them to achieve orgasm during a sexual encounter. 

‘I was still always aware that they felt disappointed that they had not been able to make me orgasm directly or through penetrative sex.

Difficult: Amy spent many years thinking there was 'something wrong' with her as she began feeling increasingly self-conscious during sex and 'under pressure to perform'

Difficult: Amy spent many years thinking there was ‘something wrong’ with her as she began feeling increasingly self-conscious during sex and ‘under pressure to perform’

In a bid to tackle the condition, Amy took a three-hour treatment which combined counselling and intimate body work - going over her childhood, teen years and relationships

In a bid to tackle the condition, Amy took a three-hour treatment which combined counselling and intimate body work – going over her childhood, teen years and relationships

‘Over time I began to blame myself less and less and realised it was a lack of constructive communication.’

Amy, who has been in a relationship with Mike Rollason for over a year, added: ‘My current relationship has been so much more supportive, he has spent more time on me finding out what I like and what turns me on. 

‘We communicate so much more and a genuine connection also helps as well as my own experience over time.’

Earlier this year, Amy sought the help of Colin Richards, founder of Intimacy Matters, for her condition.

She took part in a workshop as a ‘volunteer massage receiver’ which helped abolish her body confidence and shyness issues.

Amy on stage. She said: 'Being so open about sex and relationships, people are often surprised that I have situational anorgasmia but I don’t think they put this and the burlesque together'

Amy on stage. She said: ‘Being so open about sex and relationships, people are often surprised that I have situational anorgasmia but I don’t think they put this and the burlesque together’

As well as her part-time burlesque career, Amy recently took part in a workshop as a 'volunteer massage receiver' which helped abolish her body confidence and shyness issues

As well as her part-time burlesque career, Amy recently took part in a workshop as a ‘volunteer massage receiver’ which helped abolish her body confidence and shyness issues

Despite her flamboyant on-stage persona, Amy says her condition has previously left her so self-conscious she would hide under the sheets during sex

Despite her flamboyant on-stage persona, Amy says her condition has previously left her so self-conscious she would hide under the sheets during sex

Amy also took a three-hour psychosensual treatment which combined counselling and intimate body work – going over her childhood, teen years and relationships.

She explained: ‘We discussed a few different things that may have affected me. 

‘We came to a conclusion that I struggle to express myself, especially vocally, often feeling like what I had to say was not worth people’s time or that I was not interesting to talk to.’ 

Amy added: ‘My sexual openness and personal guidance from Colin has helped me achieve a better personal sexual understanding.

‘Orgasms during sex with my partner that I never thought I would experience, and a want to help other women having the same or similar issues, [are] why I set up my business, Sensual Touch Massage.

‘I now don’t feel like I’m disappointing my partner or myself even when I don’t orgasm, we both just enjoy sex and don’t fixate on the ‘goal’, this is when it most often actually does happen.’

What is situational anorgasmia?

‘Situational anorgasmia is when orgasm can only be reached in certain circumstances,’ says Colin Richards of intimacymatters.co.uk. 

‘For example when on one’s own or after drinking alcohol or with a stranger rather than a loving partner.

Colin Richards is a sex and relationships mentor based in London

Colin Richards is a sex and relationships mentor based in London

‘Anorgasmia occurs more frequently in women than men. Of course, physiological reasons can be the cause but in most cases, it is the state of her mind when having sex that is at the root of the situation. 

‘A likely factor for this is that fulfilling sex for women requires a broader set of dynamics to be present for them to reach orgasm. 

‘If the woman has an over-anxious personality, this will increase the chances of not reaching orgasm.

‘Humans are not designed to hunt and procreate at the same time. Anxiety is just the forerunner of a fear reaction and when in danger we are programmed to escape, not have sex. 

‘Hence if a woman tends to become anxious due to a lack of self-worth, performance anxiety, feelings of guilt, fear of expression, poor body image even cultural expectations, then this can conflict with the psychological and physiological process that is essential to reach orgasm.’



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