Little Mix’s Jesy Nelson left viewers in tears as she bravely spoke about her battle with depression in her BBC documentary Odd One Out on Thursday night.
The singer, 28, talked in depth for the first time about how online trolls, who mocked her over her looks and weight, triggered her into attempting to take her own life in 2013.
Her boyfriend Chris Hughes applauded her bravery for speaking out, while thousands of fans took to Twitter to praise Jesy for shining light on cyber bullying, with many describing her feelings of self-hatred as ‘heartbreaking.’
Heartbreaking: Little Mix’s Jesy Nelson left viewers in tears as she bravely spoke about her battle with depression in her BBC documentary Odd One Out on Thursday night
At the start of the show, Jesy’s mum Janice said: ‘I know it might seem strange to say but if I could have back my Jess as I had her before I would change it like that.
‘I miss her. I just feel like I’ve lost Jess to social media and she’s addicted to what people are saying.’
Jesy then described how trolling over her looks began on The X Factor, where they labelled her the ‘fat one’ in the band.
Happiness: Jesy’s boyfriend Chris Hughes applauded her bravery. Sharing a photo of them kissing on top of a mountain, he wrote: ‘The best friend I could ever wish for’
Speaking out: The singer, 28, shared in depth for the first time about how online trolls who mocked her over her looks and weight triggered her to attempt to take her own life in 2013
Heartache: At the start of the show, Jesy’s mum Janice said: ‘I know it might seem strange to say but if I could have back my Jess as I had her before I would change it like that
The singer went onto tearfully reveal at the height of her bullying in 2013 that she starved herself for four days as she prepared to return to the show.
‘When I had lost quite a bit of weight we were going back on the X Factor and I didn’t give a s**t about whether our performance would be good,’ she said.
‘All I cared about was people seeing me and saying “she’s lost weight”.’
Brave: The singer went onto tearfully reveal at the height of her bullying in 2013 that she attempted to commit suicide after being trolled for her looks (pictured December 2011)
Trending: Thousands took to Twitter to also praise the songstress for being so candidly honest about her battle with depression
But Jesy was left heartbroken after she was inundated with taunts over her weight, saying her ‘face was deformed’ or comparing her looks to ET and Miss Piggy following the performance.
It was then, Jesy tried to commit suicide.
Breaking down in tears, Jesy said: ‘I just remember thinking, “I just need this to go away, I’m going to end this”.
Self-hatred: Footage showed Jesy being self critical of her looks while filming the Woman Like Me video. She told Perrie Edwards: ‘I look like a fat ugly rat’
‘I remember going to the kitchen and just took as many tablets as I could. Then I laid in bed for ages and kept thinking, ‘Let it happen. Hurry up”.’
To try to heal the deep mental wounds inflicted by online bullies, the Wings hitmaker met with others who had experienced cyber bullying as well as receiving therapy.
During the therapy, Jesy watcheda clip from the X Factor for the first time in a bid to help accept herself.
‘I have shut away the old Jesy away for such a long time because I just felt like I needed to be this new Jesy because everyone hated the old Jesy.
Facing her fears: During the therapy, Jesy watched for the first time a clip from the X Factor in a bid to help accept herself and also looked at old photos
‘My trauma runs deep and I may not ever really recover properly. I don’t think I will be ever the same again but i do think I’m getting better.’
Chris Hughes was one of the first to commend Jesy for speaking publicly about her mental health battle.
Sharing a photo of them kissing on top of a mountain, the Love Island star, 26, said: ‘The best friend I could ever wish for. Just love this girl so much. Deserves a world of happiness’.
The documentary also saw Chris reveal she used to be terrified of him seeing her without make-up, despite the fact that he tells her she is ‘a natural beauty’.
Chris, 26, said Jesy would rise early and put on make-up so as to hide her face from him.
Traumatised: She said: ‘My trauma runs deep and I may not ever really recover properly. I don’t think I will be ever the same again but i do think I’m getting better’
Stars: The girl group, consisting of Jesy, Jade Thirlwall, Perrie Edwards and Leigh-Anne Pinnock, were mentored by Tulisa Contostavlos
‘One day I think it will click. She is beautiful and she is unbelievable. And she doesn’t see that when she takes her make-up off,’ he says in the documentary.
‘When I first started spending a lot more time with her, especially staying round her house, I noticed that she had insecurities.
‘There’d be times she wouldn’t let me see her physically without make-up, especially for the first four or five times where I’d come round here and we’d go on dates and stuff.
‘She’d get up in the morning almost before crack of dawn to make sure she was out of bed and putting make-up on and got back in bed with a full face of make-up on.
‘So I used to look at her and think she woke up like that but she was pre-prepared and got up in the morning.
‘That again was purely her insecurity to not having make-up on which is why she doesn’t really go out in public without make-up on at all. Sshe feels more comfortable as a human being with it on.’
Chris revealed that he has a make-up free snap of Jesy on his fridge.
‘I love it because that is her and that is her with a fresh face. No make-up,’ he says.
He tells the singer that she has ‘this aura… a bit of a glow’ before gushing further at her: ‘Your eyes are like golf balls. Beautiful. She’s got a model jawline.
‘She’s got fantastic lips. Her eyebrows are brilliant. Her forehead. Everything about her. And you’ve got good ears.’
Thousands took to Twitter to also praise the songstress.
Brave: The documentary also saw Chris reveal she used to be terrified of him seeing her without make-up, despite the fact that he tells her she is ‘a natural beauty’
One wrote: ‘I just cried so much and I didnt even watch the whole thing yet like omg this is so heartbreaking. Jesy Nelson deserves the whole freaking world!’
Another added: ‘Cried continuously watching Odd One Out how human beings can be so awful to each other to the point where people take their lives is unfathomable. Well done Jesy Nelson you beautiful, amazing woman .. your bravery is commendable’.
A third chimed: ‘The Jesy Nelson documentary is one of the saddest and scary things I’ve ever watched. This needs to be shown everywhere to teach people the devastating affects their words & comments have. Be kind. Always.’
‘So much love for Jesy what a powerful documentary to show the affect & seriousness of cyber bullying. Such a strong and beautiful woman to tell her story to try and help others,’ wrote another viewer.
‘The way Jade talked about the time Jesy attempted suicide….. I honestly had to stop the video and step outside for a little bit cause I couldn’t breathe nor see the screen through all the tears. These girls love each other so much,’ a fifth fan typed.
Supportive: He tells the singer that she has ‘this aura… a bit of a glow’ before gushing further at her: ‘Your eyes are like golf balls. Beautiful. She’s got a model jawline’
‘This really does show that you never truly know what anyone’s going through. None of us knew how bad it got for Jesy because she was constantly putting on a brave face. Treat people with kindness because you never know what they may be dealing with.’ another added.
Discussing the impact the trolling had on her, Jesy told Glamour this week: ‘I just wanted to be Jesy. I didn’t want to be Jesy the fat one. I wanted people to see me as normal, so I punished myself. I starved myself.
‘If I did eat, I hated myself, I’d punish myself and make sure I didn’t eat for four days. It was horrible, a vicious circle.’
Jesy also confessed that the negative comments about her face hurt more than the fat jibes.
She admitted: ‘I got used to people calling me fat because I was like whatever I’ve seen it so much.
Songstress: Jesy’s online bullying ordeal began when she shot to fame in 2011 when Little Mix became the first group to win the show (pictured 2012)
‘People started going in on what my face looked like with memes and people would chop my head off in group photos and replace it with a monster or ET or a sloth.
‘I became a joke to everyone, and it really knocked my confidence. I never experienced anything like it in my life.’
Jesy’s online bullying ordeal began when she shot to fame in 2011 when Little Mix became the first group to win the show.
The girl group, consisting of Jesy, Jade, Perrie and Leigh-Anne, were mentored by Tulisa Contostavlos.
Following their win, Jesy told how the girls were forced to get social media, with the star admitting the move had ‘completely changed my life’.
Heartbreaking: Discussing the impact the trolling had on her, Jesy told Glamour this week: ‘I just wanted to be Jesy. I didn’t want to be Jesy the fat one. I wanted people to see me as normal, so I punished myself. I starved myself’
She went on to say that once the comments came rolling in, it became one of the ‘worst times’ of her life.
She said that being labelled the ‘fat, ugly one’ completely ‘consumed every part of me’ as the trolling took its toll.
Speaking further about reading comments about herself, Jesy revealed to the Guardian that at the time, she had become obsessed with reading the cruel taunts online.
‘I had a routine of waking up, going on Twitter, searching for the worst things I could about myself,’ she explained. ‘I’d type in the search bar: ‘Jesy fat’, or ‘Jesy ugly’, and see what would come up.
‘Sometimes I didn’t even need to do that, I’d just write ‘Jesy’ and then I’d see all the horrible things. Everyone told me to ignore it – but it was like an addiction.’
Rise to fame: Following their win, Jesy told how the girls were forced to get social media, with the star admitting the move had ‘completely changed my life’ (pictured 2011)
In the interview, she went on to say that as Little Mix’s fame soared, the pressure for her to look good affected her health, causing her to starve herself.
Jesy said: ‘I’d starve myself… I’d drink Diet Coke for a solid four days and then, when I felt a bit dizzy, I’d eat a pack of ham because I knew it had no calories. Then I’d binge eat, then hate myself.’
The starlet went on to recall how she’d avoid events that she’s be photographed and dreaded photo shoots, adding that on one occasion where the stylist had bought the wrong sized clothes, caused her to have a tearful ‘meltdown’.
Jesy has long been candid about her experience with body shaming and trolling over the years, after being viciously targeted when she was a contestant on The X Factor 2011.
She memorably broke down during the competition as she discussed how hard it had been dealing with negative comments from complete strangers.
Speaking in the VT at the time, she said: ‘People are writing a few nasty comments and it has just got to me a little bit.
‘When you’ve got your own insecurities and then when people go and tell you and write them on websites for everyone to see it just makes you feel really rubbish.
‘Being in a girl group with three beautiful girls who are a lot slimmer and smaller than me… and obviously I know I’m a lot bigger. I find it really hard when people publicise it on Twitter.’
The turning point came in February 2014 when, while on Devi Lovato’s tour where the band where a supporting act, Demi’s dancers advised her to delete Twitter, likening it to a book filled with ‘loads of nasty things’.
Little Mix have since gone on to become one of the biggest ever girl group’s in the UK, scoring number one hits including Wings, Black Magic and Shout Out To My Ex.
For confidential 24/7 support in the UK, call Samaritans on 116 123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see www.samaritans.org for details.
Small steps: To try to heal the deep mental wounds inflicted by online bullies, the Wings hitmaker met with other who had experienced cyber bullying as well as receiving therapy