A man celebrating his twentieth wedding anniversary has shared the things he has learned from about maintaining a lasting relationship — in the hopes that it will help others achieve successful marriages.
The anonymous Imgur user shared his top lessons and advice on the image-sharing platform last week, and it’s since thousands of views and hundreds of comments.
The man urged readers to think of their union as a team, to communicate, and and to know they won’t ever change their partner — and to remember that no marriage is perfect.
Passing it on! A man celebrating his twentieth wedding anniversary has shared the things he has learned from the relationship (stock photo)
The man wrote that it’s ‘absolutely nuts’ that he has been with his wife for 20 years, saying they’ve ‘had a crazy fun ride and have learned a lot of things along the way.’
Importantly, he says, there are no ‘silver bullet solutions’ for a perfect relationship, but just solid techniques. for building ‘a strong and meaningful marriage.’
First, he says to keep in mind that married couples need to remember that they are a union.
‘Marriage is not about YOU or what you want. Its a union and its about what’s best for the relationship,’ he wrote. ‘Establish relationship goals together, which usually fall in line with personal goals. This becomes even more vital when kids are introduced and its not just a marriage anymore, its a family.’
To that end, they should also remember that they’re a team — who need to work together, not against one another.
‘It is NEVER you vs. your spouse on anything. It is always you and your spouse vs. the issue,’ he says.
Next, he stresses the importance of communication, urging others to ‘learn to communicate effectively as early as possible.’ Those who struggle in this area should enlist the help of a marriage counselor.
Even where there is communication and love, sex can can always become a point of contention — in fact, he asserts that it definitely will be an issue at some point.
Remember! Importantly, he says, there are no ‘silver bullet solutions’ for a perfect relationship, but just solid techniques. for building ‘ a strong and meaningful marriage’
‘Be ready for it together and understand sex can not define a sustainable marriage but it does play a big role in your relationship, he says.
Meanwhile, the happily married man contends that trust is an ‘absolute must,’ but if a husband or wife doesn’t trust their partner, it’s their issue — not the partner’s issue.
‘Trust issues usually stem from an issue. So work with your spouse to address the issue, then address your own trust issue,’ he says.
Maintaining a lasting relationship is also about having realistic expectations.
‘You are not perfect, so don’t expect your spouse to be or your marriage,’ the man says. ‘We all screw up and when that happens our spouse needs to be there to support us. But as a couple you also need to push each other to improve on faults.’
One lesson that many people likely need to hear is that a husband or wife will never be able to change their spouse.
‘Change comes from within, and you harping on your spouse about something you don’t like will only push them away,’ he explains. ‘Instead, work to accept and love them for who they are. Then support them on improving themselves. Better yet, look inwards and ask yourself how you can improve.’
The man also suggests giving one another space and recognizing when their partner needs time alone or with friends, and to remember that no marriage is ‘perfect.’
‘Learn to adapt the rules to work for your relationship. Both of you MUST agree on this for it to work,’ he says.
Finally, he advises making an effort to learn about a partner’s past and upbringing.
‘Our past plays a massive part in how we act today and react to situations. The more we understand this about our spouse the better equipped we are to support them. This will also help with your relationship with the in-laws,’ he says.