No doubt you can guess what happened from the scoreline. So here’s an old Ronnie Corbett joke.
A bloke goes to his local golf club, to find a stranger looking for a game. The two men agree to play and, on the first tee, the stranger takes out a hockey stick. He addresses the ball and hits it 250 yards down the middle. From there, he removes a short length of lead piping, and chips on. He putts out with a snooker cue, for birdie.
This continues all the way round. Pieces of drainpipe, scrap wood, odd bits of metal. At the turn, he’s three under par. Finally, the club member can stand no more. ‘I can’t help noticing,’ he says, the unusual set of clubs you’ve got there. What’s that about?’
Manchester City continued their unbeaten start to the Premier League season with a comfortable 3-0 win over Watford
Raheem Sterling opened the scoring for City, netting inside the first 40 seconds of Tuesday’s Premier League clash
The England international turned home a cross from Leroy Sane to give Pep Guardiola’s side the perfect start at the Etihad
Sterling, Sane and playmaker David Silva celebrate the home side’s opening goal against Watford on Tuesday evening
City doubled their lead after only 13 minutes of the first half thanks to an own goal from the unfortunate Christian Kabasele
The 26-year-old Belgian defender turned a Kevin De Bruyne cross past the helpless Heurehlo Gomes in the Watford goal
Sergio Aguero netted a third for the home side on 63 minutes to ensure City’s lead at the top of the table is back to 15 points
The Argentina international, 29, has now netted 13 goals for Guardiola’s side in the Premier League so far this season
Andre Gray (right) netted for the visitors with eight minutes to go at the Etihad but it proved no more than a consolation
MATCH FACTS, RATINGS, TABLE AND MATCHZONE
Manchester City (4-3-3):
Ederson; Walker, Stones (Danilo 67), Otamendi, Delph; De Bruyne (Bernardo Silva 79), Fernandinho (Toure 71), Silva; Sane, Aguero, Sterling
Subs not used: Bravo, Gundogan, Mangala, Zinchenko
Goals: Sterling 1, Kabasele (OG) 13, Aguero 63
Booked: Silva 24
Watford (4-2-3-1):
Gomes; Janmaat, Wague, Kabasele, Zeegelaar; Watson (Pereyra 67), Capuoue (Cleverley 61); Richarlison (Sinclair 82), Doucoure, Carrillo; Gray
Subs not used: Prodl, Mariappa, Holebas, Karnezis
Goals: Gray 82
Booked: Pereyra 83
Ref: Lee Mason
Att: 53,556
- Premier League
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- Bundesliga
Sterling’s opening goal for City came less than 40 seconds after kick off on Tuesday night. For more information and statistics see our brilliant MATCHZONE here.
‘It’s my curse, you see,’ the stranger says. ‘I’m so naturally gifted at everything that I have to make it more challenging or I get bored. If I play tennis, I use a cricket bat. If I play cricket I use a wooden spoon.’
The member thinks about this for a moment. ‘Can I ask you a question?’ he says.
‘Yes, everyone does,’ the stranger replies. ‘And the answer is standing up in a hammock.’
And that’s what City are making the league look like this season. Pretty soon, they’ll have to do it standing up in a hammock just to stay focussed. A goal up in 39 seconds, three clear soon after the hour, they brushed Watford aside with an ease they made a mockery of this talk of blips after two dropped points at Crystal Palace. Sergio Aguero alone could have had a hat-trick in less than 20 minutes, but had to settle instead for just one, City’s third – the goal that confirmed there would be no Watford revival that affected the score.
Andre Gray pulled one back from a cross by Andre Carillo on 82 minutes but by then it was too late. City had been in control from the first attack, easing back to a 15-point lead at the top, taking their tally of goals scored against Watford in the league this season to nine.
Sloppy defending, including an own goal, helped – and Gomes finally cracked under the pressure of City’s relentless attacks. He tamely pushed out a cross from Kevin De Bruyne in the 63rd minute, to allow Aguero the simplest tap-in, having missed two equally straightforward chances earlier.
He should have scored with a close range shot before half-time, then missed a free header from the first attack of the second-half. He hit the bar in the 73rd minute, too. Not that it mattered. City will have to raise their game when they next play in the league, against Liverpool at Anfield, but they always had too much for Watford here.
Ederson, who was the hero at Palace last time out for City, saves from Gray as Watford try to find a way back into the game
Watford forward Andre Carrillo battles for possession with City and England defender Kyle Walker during the first half
Fabian Delph, again deployed at left back in the absence of Benjamin Mendy, fires a left-footed ball up field on Tuesday night
Guardiola dishes out instructions to his City players during their 20th victory in their opening 22 league games this season
Thirty eight seconds. That was the time elapsed when Manchester City shook off any remaining negativity from the dropped points at Crystal Palace and got back to business as usual. Watford are a long way from the team that could have gone top of the league had they beaten City at Vicarage Road on September 16, but even so. It was pretty damn quick – a real statement of intent for those who wondered whether City would be troubled by teams setting up to thwart and frustrate them.
Watford never looked capable of that. A goal down within a minute, two behind after 13, if they mounted the odd decent counter attack it was mainly because City were strolling, conserving energy to combat football’s holiday fatigue. Pep Guardiola said the festive period was disastrous for players and, irrefutably, it is. Going 2-0 up so early, however, was as near to a tonic as it gets.
As was having Kevin De Bruyne available when he could easily have been kicked out of a month or more by Crystal Palace’s Jason Puncheon on New Years’ Eve. Having disappeared on a stretcher, he made a surprising recovery to start and, with John Stones and David Silva back after injury absences, far from being depleted, City were stronger than they have been for a while.
Strong and stable, for the most part, too. It took Watford a good 20 minutes to gain composure against City’s forwards and by then the game was as good as won. The opener, from the first attack, was effortless. Silva playing a delightful ball inside the full-back, a neat cross from Leroy Sane on the left, Raheem Sterling left alone at the far post to convert into a net that was close to unguarded, goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes drawn to the front.
Watford’s Etienne Capoue heads the ball during the first half but his side were two goals behind inside only 15 minutes
John Stones, who missed a glorious chance in the early stages for Guardiola’s side, plays a right-footed pass before the break
Medical staff treat Gomes after the Watford goalkeeper injured himself during the first half of Tuesday’s league encounter
Germany forward Sane (pictured) was instrumental in City’s quick start and set up Sterling for the opener in the first minute
It was Sterling’s 14th goal in the Premier League this season, and quite why Watford saw no danger in Manchester City’s leading goalscorer is a mystery.
Much like the empty seats in the exclusive Tunnel Club, the most expensive seat in the house, with many of the patrons unable to drag themselves away from the hospitality in time for kick-off. They should know better with this City team. Anything could happen – and it could happen fast.
Indeed, by the time City went two up, they could have led by four. Sane versus Daryl Janmaat was shaping up as one of the mismatches of the season, every involvement a goalscoring opportunity.
After five minutes he cut one back to John Stones who, despite his status as a defender first, should have scored instead of sending his close range shot high into the night sky. Soon after, a Sane cross flew through the six yard box, ripe for the merest touch to send it goalwards, but none came.
Capoue tries to protect the ball as City midfielder Fernandinho looks to win it back for the home side during the first half
Marco Silva’s visitors were unable to prevent City from heading into the half-time break well on their way to another victory
Gomes, Watford’s stand-in captain in the absence of the banned Troy Deeney, shouts instructions to his team-mates
Mali international Molla Wague tackles City forward Aguero, who led the line in the absence of the injured Gabriel Jesus
Finally, Watford caved. Silva again the architect, slipping the ball in to De Bruyne on the right, the Belgian sending a dangerous pass into the six-yard box, trapping Christian Kabasele into a panicked attempted clearance, diverted past Gomes. It went down as De Bruyne’s assist, his tenth of the season, the first to reach that number in Europe’s top five leagues.
On it continued. De Bruyne hit the bar with a free-kick after 18 minutes, while a Sterling cross found Sergio Aguero just before half-time, his shot surprisingly weak and saved by Gomes. It was as if he was going through the motions, so comfortable were the home team – and he wasn’t the only one.
Small lapses of defensive concentration allowed Watford to mount the odd counter-attack, with Andre Gray through twice but on each occasion denied by the impressively sharp Ederson. It is 29 years since Watford last scored a league goal against City away and it is certainly not getting any easier.
Watford midfielder Ben Watson, whose goal downed City in the 2013 FA Cup final, tries to hold off the attention of Silva
De Bruyne dribbles with the ball during the second half as Watford’s Marvin Zeegelaar tries to track him down at the Etihad
The ex-Sporting Lisbon player attempts to tackle Sterling as City returned to winning ways following a draw against Palace
A couple of City supporters wrap up against the rain ahead of Tuesday night’s Premier League clash at the Etihad Stadium