MARTIN SAMUEL: Save exhausted stars by binning football’s most pointless game

At 2pm on Sunday in Guimaraes, Portugal, the most pointless match in the history of football will take place. 

It has taken some doing, but UEFA have got there in the end. On June 9, the folk who took a European final to a locale east of Basra, will lay on the inaugural third place play-off for their Nations League tournament. 

The 30,000 capacity Estadio D Afonso Henriques is the host venue for an event it is hard to believe anyone is anticipating or wants. Two sets of players, whose season was effectively over the previous week, will instead be made to shake it one more time for the suits and the sponsors. 

Gareth Southgate’s England could play in the farcical Nations League third place play-off

It is not enough that we have just witnessed a Champions League final that resembled one of those dance marathons popular in America during the Great Depression, UEFA now demand the players go again. What used to be a summer off, in the year between a World Cup and European Championship, is now eaten up with qualifiers and finals of competitions that are, in essence, superfluous.

It has been great for Gareth Southgate and England to follow up on the advances made in Russia, but had the European Championship remained a compact competition, the qualifying groups would still have relevance and the Nations League need not exist. The whole competition is UEFA’s solution to a problem entirely of their own creation. 

But we are stuck with it, so there. To have a third and fourth place play-off, however, is an abomination. Don’t UEFA see what is before their eyes? Don’t they see how exhausted everyone is or listen to those at the sharp end of this madness, like Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp? His appraisal of the Champions League final was, frankly, terrifying for anyone who cares about football and footballers.

‘Did you ever see a team like this?’ he asked, proudly. ‘Fighting with absolutely no fuel in the tank any more – both teams obviously.’ This was a reference to the numbers Liverpool’s staff saw in the build-up to the match, shedding light on desperate fitness and energy levels. Klopp’s players were done. The evidence was there.

The pursuit of Manchester City and of Europe’s greatest prize had caught up with them. Liverpool’s analysts have since admitted privately that if Tottenham had scored first they did not think their players had the necessary stamina to mount a comeback. Judging by the evidence on the night, Tottenham were equally spent.

Liverpool players were out on their feet in the Champions League final victory over Tottenham

Liverpool players were out on their feet in the Champions League final victory over Tottenham

Chasing the game from the second minute, they let a further 78 minutes pass before getting a shot on target. Yet 10 of those finalists are involved in the Nations League this week, and FIFA confirmed on Monday that a revamped Club World Cup featuring 24 teams is scheduled between June 17 and July 4, 2021. Liverpool, who had played three pre-season friendlies last summer before the World Cup final took place on July 15, have already been invited. At what point are these players allowed to stop?

It is not UEFA’s fault that their showpiece game was such a poor spectacle. The date of the Champions League final has to suit all the major leagues throughout Europe, not just the one in England. The Premier League starts early because English football remains committed to two domestic cup competitions, one with a two-leg semi-final, and replays in early FA Cup rounds. At least this way the calendar has a little – not much – room to breathe. 

Yet with Spain’s season not concluding until May 25 with the Copa del Rey final — La Liga ended on May 19 — the Champions League final could not take place until June 1. This created a problem for the finalists, who had last played on May 12. By then, the fatigue of the season had kicked in. You know how, after a few hard months at work, you take a week off and immediately get a cold? It’s like that.

The statistics confirmed the dip in quality. Liverpool completed just 101 passes before half-time, their worst return in any match, in any competition this season. After 30 minutes, the pass completion percentage from both teams was the poorest for any Champions League game in 2018-19. Tottenham’s average pass completion at the final whistle was 63 per cent, their average in the Champions League this season is 84 per cent.

Yet while circumstances impossible to influence, such as oppressive heat, also conspired against the occasion on Saturday, football’s governors continue to ignore warning sightings of players out on their feet. The stars of the show are too often reaching the major finals, or the prestige summer tournaments, with nothing left. 

UEFA's decision to add another competition to a hectic schedule will take its toll on players

UEFA’s decision to add another competition to a hectic schedule will take its toll on players

And what is UEFA’s answer: another competition, with at least one match tagged on the end that is almost contemptuous in its existence. Playing for third at the World Cup is bad enough, but this? We barely know what it means to win the Nations League – it doesn’t even guarantee entry into the European Championship – but to come third? Why don’t the semi-final losers just go home? There are plenty of fine competitions in which that happens.

We do not need to find out the third best team in the Champions League, or the FA Cup each year. It is a knockout, you lose, you’re gone. What is wrong with that? The European Championship – UEFA’s flagship international tournament – has done without a third-place finisher since 1980. No one misses it, no one asks why: because no one cares.

Most times, all the third place play-off does is mess with the numbers.

Since the World Cup became a 32-team tournament in 1998, only once has the third-place game contained fewer goals than the statistical average: in 2018 Belgium beat England 2-0 in a tournament that otherwise produced 2.65 goals per game.

More typical was 2010: a dismally low-scoring World Cup, with more than double the average number of goals scored in the third-place match. It was double in 2002, as well. Why? Because the players have stopped caring.

In 1994, Sweden put four goals past a Bulgarian team who had barely been to bed since losing to Brazil in the semi-finals. No one blamed them.

Just as no one will blame Southgate or his players, whatever action is deemed suitable in the event of defeat by Holland on Thursday. ‘Would we rather have gone home two days ago? If I’m honest, yes,’ said England’s manager before losing the third-place tie to Belgium a year ago.

Maybe, faced with a similar fate this time, he should take his own advice. No one could blame him, and he wouldn’t be missed.

It was April 2006 when England were awarded the 2019 Cricket World Cup.

That is more than 13 years’ lead time in which to ensure adequate ticketing arrangements are made. Instead there have been long queues and refunds for fans who have missed entire innings due to the incompetent distribution.

Sincere apologies are not enough. Whoever is responsible should go now.

La Liga chief’s grand delusion over racism

Javier Tebas, president of La Liga, denied accusations of racism in his crusade against Gulf-owned clubs. Manchester City, in particular, resent the thoughtless bracketing of them with Paris Saint-German, as if all clubs owned in that region are the same.

They have a point. It does not happen with American-run clubs, or those whose wealth is generated in China or Russia.

Tebas’s defence, however, was priceless. ‘I have no issues about ethnicity,’ he insisted. ‘How can I be racist if two of my grandchildren are Arab?’

Tebas would be more convincing if he claimed to have a holiday home in Dubai or regularly flew on Emirates Airlines. At least those are conscious choices. The ethnicity of your grandchildren, by contrast, is nothing to do with you.

La Liga president Javier Tebas had to deny accusations of racism but his excuse was ridiculous

La Liga president Javier Tebas had to deny accusations of racism but his excuse was ridiculous

Prince Philip has over time displayed some antiquated attitudes. He called the Chinese slitty-eyed and asked a group of indigenous Australians if they still chucked spears. Meeting the traditionally-attired president of Nigeria in 2003, he said he looked like he was ready for bed.

Does Meghan Markle’s marriage into the Windsor family, and the ethnicity of her children with Prince Harry, therefore mean great grandfather gets a free pass? As in: ‘How can I be racist when one of my great-grandchildren is part-black, you slant-eyed, spear-chucking, pyjama-wearing fools?’ This, in essence, is what Tebas is arguing. It is almost as bogus as his thoughts on who made football all about the money.

The RFU have lost £1million in sponsorship after the principal backer of England sevens went into administration. Secure Trading offered payment solutions to businesses, and ironic pay-off lines to people who write newspaper columns. 

Juve move is win-win for Sarri

Congratulations to Maurizio Sarri – not just on what now appears a thoroughly decent season but for also being the first permanent manager of the Roman Abramovich era to leave on his own terms. If, as seems likely, Sarri departs to Juventus, he will have negotiated a better fit with a bigger and more stable club.

Yet there is still an unsatisfactory strand to this narrative. Had Chelsea offered Sarri more public support in times of crisis this season, had the club’s ownership not again chosen silence, leading to the usual negative speculation, he might have felt more loyal, having turned their season around.

Ultimately, there should be no resentment – Chelsea and Sarri were good for each other – but only at Stamford Bridge could a season that ended with a European trophy and a Champions League place have a search for a new manager as its coda.

If Maurizio Sarri goes to Juventus, he will enjoy a better fit with a bigger and more stable club

If Maurizio Sarri goes to Juventus, he will enjoy a better fit with a bigger and more stable club

Unfit Kane just doesn’t look able

Harry Kane will tell Gareth Southgate he is fit and ready to lead the line for England in their Nations League semi-final with Holland on Thursday. He doesn’t look it.

Kane was poor against Liverpool on Saturday, and mustered one shot in a game Tottenham were chasing from early. More importantly, the player who kept him quiet, Virgil van Dijk, might be tasked with doing so again for Holland.

Kane is a talismanic presence for club and country, but only if he is fit. Modern football is too demanding, too athletic, to play undercooked.

Liverpool won, so certain sub-plots are forgotten, but picking Roberto Firmino straight from an injury absence did not work out for Jurgen Klopp, either. At least he acknowledged that early in the second half. Kane stayed on for 90 minutes without ever looking capable of influence.

Kane always rushes back from injury, always makes himself available, and that is admirable. One can understand why his managers want him in the team, too. It would be a brave man who rejected such a proven match-winner in Tottenham’s first Champions League final.

Harry Kane will expect to play for England on Thursday night but he looks far from fully fit

Harry Kane will expect to play for England on Thursday night but he looks far from fully fit

Yet it didn’t do much good in Madrid and Kane would need to have made a marked improvement in a matter of days to be the best option for Southgate.

It is even questionable whether he should be there at all, given the nature of the tournament.

England would love to win the UEFA Nations League, but it is hardly a pinnacle achievement. It is much more important for Kane to be properly rested when the new season starts, and to have more in the tank when it ends, too – given that England hope to be among the contenders for the 2020 European Championship.

Having selected Kane for the squad, and seen him return to play in the Champions League final, it would be a snub for Southgate to send him home, but the bench offers a sensible compromise. Marcus Rashford, Raheem Sterling and Jadon Sancho are a lively starting three, with Kane the substitute option.

There is a bigger picture here. The fast track back from injury does not seem to be working. Kane has lost 27 weeks to ankle injuries across the last three seasons. Isn’t it time to change the programme?

Boxing’s an art and Joshua has to learn it… fast

David Tua was a stocky New Zealander of Samoan heritage who, in 2000, fought Lennox Lewis for the heavyweight title in Las Vegas. Lewis predicted a dull fight and duly delivered. Tua had a mighty punch but was considerably shorter, with an inferior reach.

The champion never risked letting him get inside. For 12 rounds, Tua ate Lewis’s jab, outpunched by 261 shots, and out-landed by 190. That is the art of boxing, and Anthony Joshua needs to learn it fast if he is ever to get near the top of his sport again.

Anthony Joshua has to learn the art of boxing like Lennox Lewis showed in beating David Tua

Anthony Joshua has to learn the art of boxing like Lennox Lewis showed in beating David Tua

Dominic Thiem got the push from his own press conference at the French Open tennis, because a defeated Serena Williams had grown impatient waiting to give hers. Imagine if that call had been made the other way round. We would never have heard the last of it. 

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