Celebrity cook Julie Goodwin has bravely opened up about her private hell which saw her spend five weeks in a mental health facility.
The MasterChef winner and much-loved food personality shocked fans and listeners of her breakfast radio show in February when she revealed her long battle with depression and anxiety.
The mother-of-three, 49, shed more light on her crippling mental breakdown in an interview with The Project co-host Lisa Wilkinson, which will air on Sunday night.
Her battle with depression was so severe she could barely function, unable eat or sleep.
‘I found myself in hospital having suffered a massive episode of depression and anxiety and a whole lot of stuff I couldn’t manage … It was quite a shock to me to land there,’ Goodwin said in a segment preview.
Julie Goodwin has revealed her husband Mick (pictured together) made the agonising decision to admit her to hospital, unable to deal with her mental breakdown
‘It wasn’t just a feeling, it became physical. My hands shook so hard that I couldn’t put a fork full of food to my mouth. It really was quite frightening. I wasn’t sleeping.’
Goodwin paid tribute to her husband of 25 years when asked by Wilkinson as to what saved her.
‘I’m very grateful to my husband Mick for making that decision (to go to hospital) … He just said to me, I’m not equipped to deal with what you’re going through right now, and I need some help with this,’ Goodwin said.
‘If I hadn’t been taken there, I don’t know where I’d be now.’
‘What I know from like the very centre of my soul is that he is looking out for me and that his motivation is my wellbeing.’
Goodwin saw no light at the end of the tunnel during her darkest days.
The 2009 MasterChef winner (pictured) will open up about her battle with anxiety and depression on The Project on Sunday night
‘The joy was gone,’ Goodwin said.
‘I was stuck in a situation of my own creation and I couldn’t get out, I couldn’t see a way out. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be alive anymore, but I couldn’t figure out how to be alive.
‘I just had voices that were despairing and dark and wrong, telling me the wrong things.’
Goodwin says she’s now on the mend, thank to the support of her husband and three sons.
‘Everyone just rallied around and I guess … I slowly, incrementally got better,’ Goodwin said.
‘You know it wasn’t the end of the world. I’m not that important, I’m a cog in a wheel and we all need a break sometimes.’
Julie Goodwin (pictured MasterChef season one runner-up Poh Ling Yeow) rose to overnight fame when she won the first season of the cooking show in 2009
Goodwin has come to terms with the fact that her mental health ‘will always be a work in progress.
The candid interview comes after she was recently forced to temporary close her cooking school on the NSW Central Coast due to the coronavirus lockdown.
‘Wishing health and safety to all in these uncertain times. At #juliesplace we’re closing our doors for a little while. We’re sad for our clients and our staff. We look forward to seeing you all on the other side of this surreal situation. We’ll still be posting recipes and fun stuff you can do at home,’ Goodwin posted last month.
In February, Goodwin took to Facebook with a heartbreaking letter explaining to listeners of her ‘Rabbit and Julie Goodwin’ morning radio show on Friday for reasons off going off the radar.
‘Disappearing like this has created difficulty for a lot of people. I have essentially disappeared from my scheduled life, failed to meet my obligations, and I owe an explanation,’ Ms Goodwin wrote.
‘I just had voices that were despairing and dark and wrong, telling me the wrong things,’ the much-loved cooking and television personality revealed
She revealed she’d been battling depression and anxiety on and off over many years.
‘On the surface I know I don’t seem to be depressed or anxious. I’ve denied it to myself for a long time, and certainly put a lot of energy into making sure it wasn’t obvious to the people around me.
‘I have never been one of those brave people who can lay these things out in the open for others to look at and comment on,’ she wrote.
‘But this time around the happy façade didn’t just slip a little bit, it fell off and smashed. And I find myself thinking, stuff privacy. Let’s talk.’
She explained that when she started her cooking school four years ago alongside taking up a breakfast radio show her schedule became packed and she fought hard to stay on top of it.
‘I have changed my sleep and social habits, I have exercised and been to see counsellors and hypnotherapists, I have done my level best to keep on juggling and keep all those balls up in the air,’ she said.
Julie Goodwin (pictured at the 2011 Logies) first revealed to her fans in February she had battling depression and anxiety on and off over many years.
The mother-of-three said six months ago she decided to acknowledge that her mental health was not great and she was professionally diagnosed with depression and anxiety and put on medication.
At the end of 2019 Ms Goodwin said she would resign from her Star radio show as of Easter in an attempt to rework her priorities.
Christmas 2019 was her breaking point.
‘I was physically sick in the guts for weeks, my mouth and nose full of ulcers, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Emotionally I was just spent,’ Goodwin wrote.
‘Anxiety kept coursing through me like electricity. I felt like I was trapped under a wet woollen blanket and every move was a massive effort.
‘Eventually all of this became so much that I just had nothing left. No joy, no excitement. I couldn’t see a single thing to look forward to, and putting a smile on my face involved remembering which muscles to use and arranging them properly.’
Julie Goodwin (pictured left with runner-up Poh Ling Yeow at the 2009 MasterChef finale) says she was accepted her mental health ‘will always be a work in progress’
While Goodwin describes the experience as a shock, she says she has learned valuable lessons and getting much needed help.
‘Be as kind to yourself as you try to be to others,’ she says.
‘If you’re struggling, ask for help. Do it before you can no longer hear the logical voices, the clear and good voices. Do it before it’s too hard to see a way forward. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for the ones who love you the most.’
Goodwin rose to fame after she won the first season of MasterChef in 2009.
She has released multiple cookbooks, and appeared on ‘I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here.’
She was fined $600 fine and had her licence suspended for six months after she was caught drink driving in 2018.
For confidential support in Australia contact LIFELINE on 13 11 14 and lifeline.org.au, or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.