Michelle Heaton says it would have been ‘irresponsible’ to visit her friend Nikki Grahame before she died because she was ‘too ill’ herself with her alcohol and cocaine addiction.
Big Brother legend Nikki died at the age of 38 in April this year after battling an eating disorder.
And singer Michelle, 42, says visiting her would have put them both at risk as Nikki would have wanted to enjoy a glass of champagne with Michelle.
Staying safe: Michelle Heaton, 42, has said it would have been ‘irresponsible’ to visit late friend Nikki Grahame before her death because the singer was ‘too ill’ with alcohol and cocaine addiction
The pop star told OK! magazine: ‘What I now understand, which I didn’t acknowledge then, is that I knew how bad I was, and I knew that she didn’t have long and I knew that she couldn’t drink because it would kill her.
‘I knew she wanted to have a glass of champagne with me like old times and I knew I couldn’t not drink, so I didn’t see her.’
She added: ‘That would have been completely irresponsible of me to have gone because I would have drank.
Big Brother legend: Nikki (pictured 2019) rose to fame on Big Brother in 2006 and Michelle says the reality star would have liked champagne with Michelle, putting them both at risk
‘And seeing Nikki the way she was wouldn’t have been enough for me to not drink because I was an alcoholic.’
Michelle recently claimed ‘it would have been easier to die’ than go through the ordeal she suffered in the height of her addictions.
She checked into rehab in April after being warned that she would die if she didn’t change her ways.
Yet in the build up to seeking help, Michelle was trying to hide her drinking from her family, secretly binging on vodka while her hair fell out and skin turned translucent as a result of her drinking.
Michelle, who is mother to children Faith, nine, and AJ, seven with her husband Hugh Hanley, confessed that she felt it would have been easier to die feeling the way she did in the grips of her problems.
The singer stressed that although she hadn’t been contemplating suicide, she believed she would die soon, and didn’t want to prolong the agony for her family.
‘She wouldn’t stop shaking’: Michelle’s husband Hugh Hanley told on Monday of the terrifying moment the singer had a fit in bed four days before she checked into rehab
Discussing the physical impact her drinking had on her body, she explained that her skin had turned translucent, her stomach bulged as her liver protruded and her hair began falling out, all while her weight dropped to 7st 13lbs.
The singer also noted the impact her drinking had on their children, who witnessed Michelle throwing up after binge drinking, and shouting in a drunken rage.
Her husband Hugh remarked that the turning point came after Michelle suffered a terrifying fit in bed, shaking and foaming at the mouth, and checked into the Priory for rehab just four days later.
The terrifying diagnoses prompted Michelle to check into rehab in April but long-term damage had already been done to her body from the excessive drinking, and her pancreas no longer functions so she will have to be on medication for the rest of her life to help her digest food.
Earlier this month, Michelle revealed the shocking impact her addiction had on her hair.
Sharing before and after photos after paying a visit to a salon, the former singer said: ‘This was filmed only this morning, That’s the harsh reality of what my hair became.’
Brittle: Earlier this month Michelle revealed the shocking impact her addiction had on her hair as long term damage had been done to her body from drinking
The star documented the poor condition her brown tresses were in when she arrived at a London salon.
Michelle told her followers: ‘It’s funny (not really funny) but still funny, how stress … hormones … alcohol … drugs … diet … fitness all effects the hair!’ [sic]
The singer admitted earlier this year that long term damage had been done to her body from drinking as much as a bottle of vodka, two bottles of wine and snorting cocaine every day since 2018.
‘What I was doing was a suicide mission. I was crying out for help when I couldn’t actually ask for help. When you’re an addict, it feels like there’s no way out’ she told The Sun, just 36 hours after leaving rehab.
The star has said on social media that Hugh has been her ‘rock, best friend and biggest supporter’ throughout the ordeal.
Honest: Last month, the star admitted she had been left ‘close to death’ following a three-year binge, and revealed her husband Hugh has been her ‘rock’ throughout the ordeal (pictured with their children Faith, nine, and AJ, seven)