Four years ago, Kirsten Ashman and her boyfriend David took a sightseeing trip to London, ending up in the heart of the capital.
When, in the late afternoon, a man with a clipboard asked whether they’d like to take a selfie for display on the giant screens at Piccadilly Circus, as part of a ‘promotional exercise’, they excitedly agreed.
Once the photo was taken — on David’s phone — Kirsten realised she’d left her own mobile in a nearby restaurant, so hared off to find it, leaving David strict instructions to watch the screens for their picture.
Alex Jones, 33, decided to propose to her boyfriend, Phil Pearson, 34, but found ‘quite a lot of scepticism about women proposing to men’ (pictured together during the proposal)
At least, that was what Kirsten pretended to do. In fact, the whole day — from an early morning start near Maidenhead, Berkshire, to this precisely timed moment as the sun dipped romantically over the West End — had been planned like a military exercise.
What David saw on the screens was not a selfie of the two of them, but rather a montage of pictures from throughout their relationship, plus a heartfelt love letter from Kirsten.
As he watched — understandably shocked — nearby ‘buskers’ began playing a song he’d put on a mix tape for Kirsten when they began dating.
Suddenly, several members of the pair’s families stepped out of the crowds where they’d been hiding, then Kirsten, got down on one knee…
No, this was no ordinary day out in London. The date was February 29, 2016, and this was Kirsten’s spectacular leap-year marriage proposal to David, worth £2,500, and meticulously organised by Daisy Amodio, one of a new breed of relationship expert, the proposal planner.
As the leap-year ‘loophole’ rolls around again on Saturday, we should, of course, expect a spike in the number of women asking men to marry them.
Data for December 2019 from online community site Pinterest shows a 113 per cent increase in searches for ‘how to propose to a boy’ and a 217 per cent increase in searches for ‘girl proposing boy’ when compared with the previous year.
And yet these days, asking for a partner’s hand in marriage is no simple business. Often a proposal is expected to be not just sweet or romantic, but an extravagant ‘event’ too.
Four years ago, Kirsten Ashman and her boyfriend David took a sightseeing trip to London, ending up in the heart of the capital (pictured before the proposal)
Proposal planning has boomed as a result, with packages offered by Daisy’s company, The Proposers, starting at £1,000 for a fully planned perfect moment.
The average spend is between £2,500 and £5,000, and the most expensive she’s ever organised cost an extraordinary £800,000 for a world tour that took in Disneyland Paris, the billboards in New York’s Times Square and culminated with the proposal being beamed on to Niagara Falls at night.
This year, she says, alongside the usual male clientele, ‘a significant number’ of women have asked for help.
‘We’ve had twice the number of enquiries from women than we did around the last leap year,’ she says.
Not that all women are waiting around for men to pop the question — more of them are doing the asking year-on-year, and at any time, she says.
Amanda Brown, director of The One Romance proposal-planning agency, reports a similar pattern.
A man with a clipboard asked whether Kirsten and David would like to take a selfie for display on the giant screens (pictured) at Piccadilly Circus, they excitedly agreed
What David saw on the screens was not a selfie of the two of them, but rather a montage of pictures from throughout their relationship, plus a heartfelt love letter from Kirsten
‘Over the past few years we’ve seen a huge increase in calls from women wanting to propose,’ she says.
‘In the last week alone, I’ve had enquiries from three women, and I can only imagine that the numbers will continue to grow.
‘It really wouldn’t surprise me if this time next year, we were helping as many women as men create memorable proposals.’
For Kirsten, now 36, the decision to take matters into her own hands and make 40-year-old David an honest man was an easy one.
They’d been together nine years and lived under the same roof, but somehow with busy lives and big jobs in telecoms and finance, they’d never got round to marriage.
As David watched — understandably shocked — nearby ‘buskers’ began playing a song he’d put on a mix tape for Kirsten when they began dating (pictured, Kirsten’s proposal)
And yet she knew it was on David’s mind. ‘On holiday he’d even look at diamonds in jewellery shops.
‘I could see he was stressing about it as he’s a perfectionist and didn’t want to get it wrong.
‘You shouldn’t have to have a special day where you’re allowed to propose,’ she says, ‘but as marriage is quite traditional, I thought I should follow the tradition of women proposing on a leap year.’
When New Year’s Day 2016 came around and she still didn’t have a ring on her finger, Kirsten made her plans.
‘I thought if you’ve waited this long, it has to be a big deal, and if I was going to take this away from him, I needed to make a good job of it.’
The moment itself was every bit as lovely as she’d hoped. ‘I couldn’t see his face while he was watching the video on the big screens, and I had no idea what he was thinking.
‘Then, as the video ended, I ran back to him, got down on one knee, and asked him to marry me. He said, ‘Of course!’
‘I stood up and he was crying — it was a lot more emotional than I had expected. We both knew this was coming, but when you do it, it is a big deal.’
Kirsten admits that David got a bit of stick from his friends, but their families were thrilled. The couple married in August 2017 and now have a little girl, Sofia, 20 months.
Alex, who works for a hotel group, and Phil, a manager at an engineering company, live in St Albans, Hertfordshire
The stigma surrounding women asking men for their hand is fading, believes Amanda Brown, and the introduction of civil partnerships for heterosexual couples is likely to speed its end.
However it’s not dead yet, says Jade Beer, author of The Almost Wife and former editor of Brides.
When the magazine canvassed reader opinion on women popping the question, ‘the collective female view was overwhelmingly that, while it was brave, it was ‘stealing’ the man’s job, undermining him, and opening him up to ridicule from friends and colleagues’.
For Alex Jones, 33, this sounded familiar. When, last year, she decided to propose to her boyfriend, Phil Pearson, 34, she looked online for inspiration and found ‘quite a lot of scepticism about women proposing to men’.
‘I think some women worry that, as it’s not the societal norm, they will be judged negatively,’ she says.
The couple met through a mutual friend and have been together for almost three years
‘But from my point of view, I couldn’t think of a better way of showing him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me.’
Alex, who works for a hotel group, and Phil, a manager at an engineering company, live in St Albans, Hertfordshire.
They met through a mutual friend and have been together for almost three years.
‘We talk about everything together and we’d both always said we’d love to get married and start a family.
‘He’d actually mentioned a couple of times that he would love me to propose to him,’ says Alex.
She admits she’s a ‘very detail- orientated’ person who ‘hates surprises’, so it would have been hard for Phil to propose.
‘We’d joked about him proposing and how he’d never get away with doing anything elaborate as I’d be questioning everything.’
And so in May 2019, two years to the day they first got together, Alex decided to propose to Phil.
According to Amanda Brown, this sort of thoughtful attention to detail is typical of the women for whom she plans proposals.
‘In general the women we work with spend longer talking to us about their relationship than the men do, and are more interested in how they can incorporate personalised elements into their proposals.
‘They’ll remember everything — the exact words that were used when they first said I love you, the colour of the tie he was wearing when they first met, his mum’s favourite flower . . . whereas men just don’t seem to recall these minuscule details in the same way.’
The proposal that Amanda’s company helped Alex create — on a speedboat on the Thames in London — was carefully designed to incorporate Phil’s passions: the water, boats, even his love of fine cheese.
According to proposal organiser Amanda Brown (pictured), thoughtful attention to detail is typical of the women for whom she plans proposals
Alex booked a riverfront room at The Savoy for the night, telling Phil she’d won the stay in a competition at work.
She booked a massage for Phil while she got ready, and then told him that a river cruise, complete with champagne and a Fortnum & Mason cheese hamper, was part of the prize.
‘He didn’t click at any point. On the boat he was chatting away to the captain, while I was a bundle of nerves,’ says Alex.
‘I’d decided to propose with a watch, instead of a ring, as a watch can represent timeless love. A lot of people had said it was a good way to ask a man.
‘Phil is a big watch collector and I knew there was a particular watch he’d always hankered after, so that was the one I chose.’
But even when it came to the big moment, Phil still didn’t seem to realise what was going on.
‘There was no space for me to get down on one knee so I sort of mumbled something about how amazing it was, and how I hoped we’d have many more experiences like this in future.
‘He just asked me why I was being so sentimental. Finally I got him to look at me, and I said, ‘Will you marry me?’
‘His first response was, ‘Are you serious?’ I told him that I was and then I produced the watch from my handbag.
‘He was so distracted by that, it took him a while, but when he realised that I was still waiting, he said, ‘The answer is obviously yes!’ ‘
They are now planning their wedding for August this year.
Kirsten Ashman believes any woman contemplating popping the question to her man this year should throw caution to the wind and go for it.
She’s very much in favour of using a proposal planner, too.
Daisy Amodio (pictured) is one of a new breed of relationship expert, the proposal planner
‘Fair play to anyone who organises their own proposal, but I could never have done what I did on my own. It was amazing to be able to hand over the details to someone else and just let them deal with it.’
If that sounds appealing, it’s not too late to ask for help on the 29th either.
The planners we spoke to said that while the most elaborate proposals can take months to plan, in the past they’ve been able to help would-be grooms (who tend to be more last minute than would-be brides) create a magical experience with only a few days’ notice.
Alex advises any other wannabe female proposers to keep their mind on why they’re doing it.
‘I knew it was the right thing for our relationship, but it’s not the norm and I had to stop myself worrying about what other people thought.
‘I had to remember it was about what Phil wanted and how he would perceive it.’
Former Brides editor Jade Beer agrees. ‘It’s antiquated to stick to the notion that a proposal can only be delivered by a man on bended knee — unless of course that is your fantasy.
‘In which case, great. Hold out for it. But if it isn’t, join the growing ranks of women who are doing it themselves, not because they are oddly brave, but because they want to and it feels right.’