A mother-of-two has revealed how she planned her funeral and her wedding at the same time as she battles terminal ovarian cancer.
Tina Potts, 40, from Wicklow Town in Ireland, who has two children Philip, 19 – who has autism, ADHD and dyspraxia – and Elliott, 11, was left devastated when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in October 2017.
The heartbroken mother, who was told in January that there’s a 30 per cent chance of her surviving until Christmas 2019, has broken the heartbreaking news to her eldest son – but is yet to inform her youngest.
‘All I ever dreamed of was being a mammy,’ said Tina, who recently wed her partner of 13 years, Johnny.
‘It’s all I’ve ever been. That was my goal in life, to rear my children and to have two well behaved, well mannered children. It’s like someone’s knocked me down and took it all and then ran away with it.’
Tina Potts with husband Johnny and son Elliot (left), 11, on her wedding day on Friday. The family managed to raise €10,000 on GoFundMe for the big day
While her local community sprang into action to organise the wedding of her dreams, Tina has been tasked with making plans for her funeral, and organising memory boxes for her two sons to remember her by.
‘I had promised Johnny I’d marry him next year, next year, next year. And now next year’s not coming,’ she said.
With the wedding on Daffodil day, both of Tina’s children had special roles – with one acting as ring bearer and another as best man.
The couple raised over €10,000 to have the wedding of their dreams, and praised the astounding support they received from their local community.
Tina and her family are now trying to make as many memories as they can, as she continues to battle the ovarian cancer. Above, with her Elliott, 11 and her husband Johnny
‘We’re trying to do as much as we can now while I’m physically able to rather than miss out,’ she said. ‘I have organised my funeral – it’s hard enough for them, without having to deal with it.’
Before her devastating diagnosis, the mother-of-two spent months going to the doctors with questions about her health.
With no history of cancer in her family, she said the doctors put her symptoms down to constipation.
‘I have hypothyroidism so I put tiredness down to that, I put the fact that It was impossible for me to lose weight,’ she explained. ‘I had back pain but I assumed it was osteoarthritis. But the whole time I had a massive tumour.’
It was only when Tina was rushed to A&E with severe pain that the 8cm tumour on her ovary was discovered. Tragically, by then it was too late as she was already in the advanced stages of the disease.
The mother-of-two explained that she was particularly close to 11-year-old son Elliot, and is now trying to distance herself from him, so that he gets used to coping without her
Tina with her eldest son Philip, 19 – who has autism, ADHD and dyspraxia – and Elliott, 11 and her husband Johnny (far right)
‘The bedside manner was somewhat questionable,’ she said. ‘They told me I had ovarian cancer and said it so casually, as if they were giving me a sandwich.’
She continued: ‘It was a huge shock – it’s bad enough that you’re told you have cancer, but to not have anyone there to explain properly the ins and outs of it is doubly scary.’
Tina was given three rounds of chemotherapy, before surgery to remove as much of the tumour as possible in March 2018.
But when she woke up, Tina was stunned to discover it hadn’t gone to plan.
‘Doctors told me it was like a washing machine in there – and that the cancer was everywhere,’ she said.
‘When I woke up, they told me that they couldn’t take out the womb, couldn’t take out the spleen, they couldn’t do a retraction on the bowel. And I thought, well…where do I go from here?’
Determined to beat the disease, Tina went through more exhaustive rounds of chemotherapy.
And after months of treatment, she was put into remission, with her ‘tumour marks’ at 42, close to normal 35, indicating her cancer was subsiding.
But it wasn’t to last, as by Christmas she was shocked to find that the marks had boomed to over 1,800, suggesting that the cancer was back and spreading quickly.
Doctors found that Tina was platinum resistant to normal chemotherapy and that it would no longer work.
Keen for her to have a ‘normal’ Christmas with her family, and knowing it may be her last, doctors told her she would be put on a new chemotherapy drug in February.
‘It was then that they said it was end game,’ explained Tina. ‘He said “I’m sorry but we’re hoping to keep you as comfortable as we can over the summer and then see how long.” I was dumbfounded.’
Heartbreakingly, Tina has not revealed the full extent of her disease to her children.
Making memories: Tina said that her family are keen to make as many memories together as possible, and that she is devastated to miss out on seeing her sons grow up. Pictured, with Johnny
Tina had promised her partner of 13 years (pictured) that they would get married ‘next year’ but was devastated when she discovered in January that she may not have a ‘next year’ – so was eager to tie the know
‘The littlest fella is only 11 so we’ve told him that they can’t fix me,’ she said. ‘But we haven’t told him that I’m dying. He’ll be spending his days thinking is it tomorrow, is it next week.’
While she has told her oldest son that she may die, she isn’t sure he understands due to his complex special needs – and she admits to sometimes waking up and crying because she realises ‘this is it’ and she is dying.
‘Some mornings you wake up and the fear of god is in you,’ she explained. ‘You’re not afraid to die, you’re not afraid of the pain, you’re afraid to leave your family behind.’
The heartbroken mother-of-two has also planned birthday cards and memory boxes for her children filled with advice, so if they’re having a sad day they have something to look back on.
She has even bought a constellation of stars called ‘mammy loves you’ with coordinates so that when her children are older they can look up at the stars and know that she’s thinking of them.
Now, Tina is distancing herself from her 11-year-old, who she is very close with, to allow him to cope after she passes away.
‘He’s a real sensitive sally,’ she said. ‘So he’ll come to me and cuddle with me and I have to now start training him…I make his daddy bring him off.’